Undergraduate /
"Sweat, Strain, and Surmount" - a person who has made an impact on you [8]
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I was utterly disappointed. He said that he was really sorry and was disappointed with himself for not trying harder. Then he added, "But hey, I'm a smoker no more". I know how hard it must have been for him to refrain from smoking since he had been addicted to it for years. I realized then that he had not bluntly ignored my advice
; but why did his grades show the opposite? Only later,
did I find out that his mother had been sick, so he had to work after school and at the same time take care of his mother. When I heard this, my heart sank and I was sad.
All I thought was, 'Life is so unfair'! But why did he blame himself instead?
I pondered this over and came to a conclusion that either he did so because he did not want to justify his failure by exposing his noble deed, or perhaps, he thought there was nothing special about taking care of his mother and the family. I was touched when I realized this, but apparently, there were more unexpected things to come.
At the end of the following school year, he walked down the hall with a big uninterrupted smile wreathed on his face; he
swayed away to my class once he saw me sitting there. He handed me his report book. I had presumed that he made it this time;
***nonetheless, his scores drove me in awe. He was ranked
in the top 25%
of his class! I almost jumped off my seat. I congratulated him and promised to treat him
up after school. During lunch, I could not help but to make him unravel whatever being the top 25% at class had cost him. He rambled on many interesting stories, but all of them unanimously pointed out 'determination' as the main factor.
I have always thought that determination was a quality I was best at, but
in the end, Rizki opened my eyes to see that I still have so much to learn. I reminisced about my previous achievements that have made me quite complacent, I realized then that I have always had the
ideal environment: I have loving and supporting parents and family, munchies to accompany me studying, and
a wide screen TV to untie my tangled mind. How far can determination really go under such circumstances? Realizing that I would not be able to stay in my comfort zone my entire life,
I began my quest for true life .
University would be the best place to begin this quest. I have and will strive, even twice as hard as others, to get accepted at the University of Miami, the gateway to my successful future. I realized that, even the best student is not guaranteed admission because of the competitive pool of applicants; does that intimidate me? Yes, honestly. But do I ever consider turning back? Big NO. I am looking for a life time experience, I am looking forward to the opportunity to strain myself to my fullest ability and live innumerable
experiences I would not be able to get elsewhere. I am eager to face new challenges and meet lots of people around the world with whom I can share my thoughts, values, and hear their feedbacks. With all these in mind, my friends could say, "From Indonesia? Big move", "
You're so positive ", but nothing is going to stop me. Thanks Rizki for opening my mind, I am now perfectly aware of what I am doing, "I'm giving myself a chance".
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I really like the bolded sentence but it can still be improved in terms of diction.
The red and bolded section is great but I think you should change the "... for true life" part into something different. Think opposite of comfort zone?
*** I don't think this word is really needed.
I love your conclusion.
Great work!
