Undergraduate /
"sharing a space with Austin's nerd" - Stanford -Roommate and Intellectual vitality [6]
OMG GRACE I THINK WE COULD BE BEST FRIENDS!
hahaha, I listed Anchorman as one of my favorite movies in the app, I also sing to everything (but in my car), AND i'm a vegetarian!!
Okay, now for some useful input:
I'm a believer in Oxford commas, so I'd say put a comma btw "kick off my shoes, and dance around"
Perhaps the next sentence would flow better as "However, my karaoke career isn't confined to the Beatles: I think..." just a suggestion.
I think you could do without the television/laptop sentence, it doesn't add to your topic.
Now, i know this is nit-picky, but I'm very against saying "things". Maybe you could just say "stalking our fridge with tofu, frozen indian food, ..."
What else. Um, i think the period goes outside the quote marks in "the cause".
And that's all I can think of!
I think your essay is brilliant! I would definitely want you to be my roommate! :)
Also, I think the first half of your second essay is amazing. I mean, "enigma", "eternal stretch of pavement"! awesome!
Buuuuut I think that you rushed the second half to wrap it together.
I don't think you should scrap it. Just try to put the same tone into your second half.
Are you applying early action tomorrow?