Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by DDH35
Joined: Nov 1, 2010
Last Post: Nov 27, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
DDH35   
Nov 27, 2010
Undergraduate / How Marching band made me physically and mentally stronger - UC Prompt #2 [3]

UC Prompt #2 - Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or, experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Uc Deadlines are approaching fast and I would like some help revising and editing my prompt 2!
Thanks ahead of time.

"Hey, you're in the marching band right? Good job at the parade!" someone asked me. I answered, "Yes I am, thanks!" People see bands at a parade and listen to them at the school football games, but being a part of the group is unique experience.

During a band practice, I had forgotten to play a note and the whole band was telling me sarcastically, "Good job, nice one tuba!" I was nervous and did not know how to take the criticism, my body felt like giving out, and my knees were shaky. The practice was already two hours in and the sun was setting. The air was getting cold and thin. I knew that no one wanted to be in my position. However, before the next repetition, I focused in, ignoring everything around me, and told myself that I would not forget to play that note. I was physically drained and feeling the pressure of 80 other members who were dying to go home. However, I was determined to make it up to them this last repetition. This would be the last repetition if I played it correctly. That was the last repetition we did that day. When the band was dismissed from practice, they rejoiced as they walked slowly back to the band room. As I walked back to the room, I was filled with satisfaction, not of playing the music correctly but accepting the criticisms of my peers and improving upon them.

Personally marching band has made me physically and mentally stronger. I have been challenged by weather and criticism, but I have managed to overcome them. This is why I am proud of being in band. Band has taught me to never fall down just because of criticism, pressure or a little pain. Instead take it head on and strive to improve yourself.
DDH35   
Nov 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "Acne Struggles" - UC Prompt 1, "Guidance Through Control" - UC Prompt 2 [5]

The first prompt was engaging with the opening, but I would fix the first line.

I pretended I couldn't listen to her to I pretented I couldn't hear her,

Everywhere I went, I felt like everyone stared at me -> Everywhere I went, I felt like someone was staring at me. Or something more descriptive like I felt like a museum exhibit.

Overall, it was pretty good. Be sure to emphasize what you want to do when you grow up, not necessarily just attending the college.
DDH35   
Nov 27, 2010
Undergraduate / UC #1. DENYING WHERE YOU COME FROM [6]

The answer does tell me about you, but in the second to last paragraph you bring up a whole section about your mother. Remember this is a "Personal" statement, bring up how this affects what you want to be and why.
DDH35   
Nov 2, 2010
Undergraduate / UC Prompt #1 - My life changed by my Chinese parents [3]

Prompt #1 - Describe the world you come from for example your family, community or school and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I would like some feedback, thanks!

In this world, amazing people were shaped by the dreams they had, Dreams and aspirations are developed over time starting very early in ones' life. There are many factors, such as one's family, school and community that shape what those dreams and aspirations are. For me, my family's influence was greater than the others.

When I was entering eighth grade, my parents began feeding me ideas of becoming a successful doctor and making a good living. They began preparing me to be a doctor early in my schooling. It was piano lessons on the weekends, extra hours of memorizing multiplication tables in the summer, limited minutes with the television and hours with the science encyclopedia. It seemed they had been shaping me my whole life to be a doctor. As I gained wisdom and self consciousness, it occurred to me that my future was not to be a doctor and I thought that my parents were keeping me from reaching my aspirations. At the same time, I was inclined to satisfy my parents as they had been hyping of what I could become and out of respect for them I hid the fact that I wanted to go as my heart pleased. The only outlet for my heart's desires was found in playing video games with my brothers and friends, as I could make my own choices and live with the consequences knowing that I made the choices that led to them. What first started as an escape became a mystery. I wondered how these games were made. I found that what seemed simple on the surface was created by a complex computer language that professionals were paid to create. This was when I decided that I would like to pursue something in the computer science field but it was in the complete opposite direction of being a doctor. This disagreement between my Americanized Western philosophies of following my dreams in life did not mesh well with my parent's Chinese philosophy. The young would listen to what their parents told them and do as they said. The feeling of having to please my parents would last until my sophomore year at Rosemead High School.

That year, my older brother was heading off to college and encouraged me to think about what I would do with my life. I decided to talk to my parents about my plans for the future. After dinner there would be a time to discuss our days with the family, a perfect time to expose my ideas to my parents. The air felt tense as I explained in broken Chinese that I was discovering an interest in computer science, from what I saw, they seemed puzzled. For the longest minute of my life I waited for my parent's response. They began to speak and explained that they had read about careers having to do with computers on the internet. At that moment I was amazed that my parents had used technology to connect and be open to the ideas of Western philosophies of chasing dreams and ambitions. This made me appreciate the brilliance of the computer science majors that had provided the technology that my parents used to broaden their scope of information and the escape they provided me through video games. I now aspire to be able to provide a way of connecting the world through technology, and connecting someone from a foreign country to another. I feel I can achieve this goal by going into the field of computer science and creating programs that both domestic and international people will use to share their commonalities. My parents were able to comprehend my situation, and I realized the mindset that they had. They have disciplined me to have dedication, effort, and consistency everything I attempt with the intention of doing the best I can, never to settle for anything less.
DDH35   
Nov 2, 2010
Undergraduate / ""Who here will be the best band section?" - UC Prompt #2 A brighter future [2]

UC Prompt #2 - Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are

Please help edit! Also, this is my first post if I did anything wrong tell me!

Humans are all the same. They eat, sleep, breathe and repeat this everyday of their lives. However, people are set apart by that one characteristic or quality that just shines above all the other ones. The quality that sets me apart is my optimism.

...
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳