arsenal123
Nov 26, 2010
Undergraduate / "Who would have thought television could be a good thing?" - UC prompt 1 [3]
Hello Kevin,
Thank you so much for your responses on my essays. All your comments are very helpful.
I know you are probably very busy, so if you don't have time to read my modified statement, no worries.
When I was trying to rewrite my personal statement with your comments in mind, I ended up changing it a lot, but still kept most of it the same. I think this version is a more honest depiction than the last. I really want to put snowboarding into my personal statement because it was such a big part of my life, but I cant find a direct way to relate it to my ultimate goal of wanting to be a physicist (probably because it is not directly related). So what I did was use it as part of a progression which ultimately lead to me discovering what my dreams actually are. If you have a chance to read it, let me know if this one is better than the last.
Again, I greatly appreciate all of your help
To my parents, especially my dad, doing well in school was not particularly important. Neither my mother nor my father have received a college education. In fact, my father does not even have a full high school education. When I was younger, I aspired to be a professional snowboarder, or maybe I should say my father aspired for me to be a professional snowboarder. My father has always loved winter sports, so maybe he was trying to live his life through me. Although I did really like snowboarding, I did not love it. What I really loved was learning about the world, and eventually my thirst for knowledge took over my life.
I was very good at snowboarding. I competed on the national level, and traveled many places to compete and train, including New Zealand, France, and Switzerland, which was in large part the reason why I was homeschooled for so long. Snowboarding has played a large role in my life, and I am lucky to have gained such amazing experiences from it. As I got older however, I realized that snowboarding, as with any sport, cannot be relied on to make a living. Both my parents work very hard and long, but still have trouble making ends meet. Seeing the financial troubles my parents had was what initially drove me to pursue academics. So in the 10th grade, I started to put a lot of effort into school, and stopped competing in snowboarding competitions to my father's disappointment. This moment marked the beginning of my journey into maturity. I did well in all aspects of school, so I was not really sure what I wanted to do, that is until I saw a television show called "The Universe." The show, as you might have guessed, was all about the universe, and that first episode that I watched was about quantum mechanics. The concepts puzzled me, but it only made me want to learn more. From that point on, I was hooked. Apart from continuing to watch the show, I got my hands on any books about quantum physics that I could. I began to love all aspects of science, but I knew physics was what I wanted to do. The primary reason for pursuing an academic life soon went from financial reasons, to just a pure love of learning.
I began to love science so much that I wanted to share my newfound knowledge and enthusiasm of the subject with people. I began a volunteer job teaching young people at the DaVinci science center in hopes that I could show kids just how amazing science can be. Through this job, and also tutoring science and mathematics at the community college to which I attend, I soon realized how much I enjoy sharing my knowledge with other people.
The moment I watched that episode of "The Universe," I was placed in a desert with nothing to quench my thirst with but knowledge. Each year I get older, it gets harder to quench this thirst. It is almost as if I am progressively stuffing more and more saltine crackers into my mouth. There is now nothing I enjoy more than learning, and attempting to explain the complexities of science. My initial goal of pursuing academics for finical stability has been replaced with one of loftier nature. My ultimate goal is to obtain a PhD in a field of physics, and use that to contribute to society in some way whether it be by teaching, or innovation. However, getting a decent paying job would not hurt either
Hello Kevin,
Thank you so much for your responses on my essays. All your comments are very helpful.
I know you are probably very busy, so if you don't have time to read my modified statement, no worries.
When I was trying to rewrite my personal statement with your comments in mind, I ended up changing it a lot, but still kept most of it the same. I think this version is a more honest depiction than the last. I really want to put snowboarding into my personal statement because it was such a big part of my life, but I cant find a direct way to relate it to my ultimate goal of wanting to be a physicist (probably because it is not directly related). So what I did was use it as part of a progression which ultimately lead to me discovering what my dreams actually are. If you have a chance to read it, let me know if this one is better than the last.
Again, I greatly appreciate all of your help
To my parents, especially my dad, doing well in school was not particularly important. Neither my mother nor my father have received a college education. In fact, my father does not even have a full high school education. When I was younger, I aspired to be a professional snowboarder, or maybe I should say my father aspired for me to be a professional snowboarder. My father has always loved winter sports, so maybe he was trying to live his life through me. Although I did really like snowboarding, I did not love it. What I really loved was learning about the world, and eventually my thirst for knowledge took over my life.
I was very good at snowboarding. I competed on the national level, and traveled many places to compete and train, including New Zealand, France, and Switzerland, which was in large part the reason why I was homeschooled for so long. Snowboarding has played a large role in my life, and I am lucky to have gained such amazing experiences from it. As I got older however, I realized that snowboarding, as with any sport, cannot be relied on to make a living. Both my parents work very hard and long, but still have trouble making ends meet. Seeing the financial troubles my parents had was what initially drove me to pursue academics. So in the 10th grade, I started to put a lot of effort into school, and stopped competing in snowboarding competitions to my father's disappointment. This moment marked the beginning of my journey into maturity. I did well in all aspects of school, so I was not really sure what I wanted to do, that is until I saw a television show called "The Universe." The show, as you might have guessed, was all about the universe, and that first episode that I watched was about quantum mechanics. The concepts puzzled me, but it only made me want to learn more. From that point on, I was hooked. Apart from continuing to watch the show, I got my hands on any books about quantum physics that I could. I began to love all aspects of science, but I knew physics was what I wanted to do. The primary reason for pursuing an academic life soon went from financial reasons, to just a pure love of learning.
I began to love science so much that I wanted to share my newfound knowledge and enthusiasm of the subject with people. I began a volunteer job teaching young people at the DaVinci science center in hopes that I could show kids just how amazing science can be. Through this job, and also tutoring science and mathematics at the community college to which I attend, I soon realized how much I enjoy sharing my knowledge with other people.
The moment I watched that episode of "The Universe," I was placed in a desert with nothing to quench my thirst with but knowledge. Each year I get older, it gets harder to quench this thirst. It is almost as if I am progressively stuffing more and more saltine crackers into my mouth. There is now nothing I enjoy more than learning, and attempting to explain the complexities of science. My initial goal of pursuing academics for finical stability has been replaced with one of loftier nature. My ultimate goal is to obtain a PhD in a field of physics, and use that to contribute to society in some way whether it be by teaching, or innovation. However, getting a decent paying job would not hurt either