LisaTheKidd
Feb 7, 2011
Writing Feedback / Rising China and its future: planned or liberal economy? [3]
I'm a bit short on time, but I thought this definitely merited a detailed response, so I'll try to quickly discuss the essay.
I thought this was an excellent case-study type of an argument, with great, specific examples.
There were a few things I wasn't thrilled about, however. The prompt says "which system will work for china," and you've answered "which system has worked for China." It seems almost evident that what has worked will work, but I think you need to mention how the planned economy will endure through new challenges, such as increased globalization and instant worldwide communication.
Another thing that struck me is that what will work for China, for me, means what will work for the people of China. This essay uses language like "the government is able to," which doesn't immediately lend itself to the people's welfare. With such a powerful government, how are the people's liberties protected?
Also, The first sentence isn't as powerful as it could be.
The size of the government, or the capacity of its intervention, defines a country's overall economic policies.
I'm not an economic expert, so I'm not sure what "the capacity of its intervention" means. What I think is being said here is that a country's ability to intervene in the economic activities of its citizens is determined by its size. What I would expect there is a sentence stating that liberal policy and planned policy are at odds, preferably by stating the main goal of each.
I'm a bit short on time, but I thought this definitely merited a detailed response, so I'll try to quickly discuss the essay.
I thought this was an excellent case-study type of an argument, with great, specific examples.
There were a few things I wasn't thrilled about, however. The prompt says "which system will work for china," and you've answered "which system has worked for China." It seems almost evident that what has worked will work, but I think you need to mention how the planned economy will endure through new challenges, such as increased globalization and instant worldwide communication.
Another thing that struck me is that what will work for China, for me, means what will work for the people of China. This essay uses language like "the government is able to," which doesn't immediately lend itself to the people's welfare. With such a powerful government, how are the people's liberties protected?
Also, The first sentence isn't as powerful as it could be.
The size of the government, or the capacity of its intervention, defines a country's overall economic policies.
I'm not an economic expert, so I'm not sure what "the capacity of its intervention" means. What I think is being said here is that a country's ability to intervene in the economic activities of its citizens is determined by its size. What I would expect there is a sentence stating that liberal policy and planned policy are at odds, preferably by stating the main goal of each.