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Posts by michellehoaang
Joined: Nov 17, 2010
Last Post: Nov 27, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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michellehoaang   
Nov 27, 2010
Undergraduate / My contributions in helping the world/ my quality, talent [NEW]

Hello editors. I just edited my personal statement, and want some critiques/ feedback on how to improve it more, or a reassurance if it's good enough :). Thank you for your time. Much appreciated :D.

"Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?"

Upon the four years that I have attended high school, I joined a club on campus called Interact. Little did I know that this club will change my life and perspective of the world. When I went to the first meeting they had, the introduction of what Interact was did not seem so appealing to me. Community service and volunteering at events? That's it? However, that was my mere perspective of what it really was. As I became a more active member and volunteering at events in the community, I have learned the true meaning of Interact, which was giving back to communities and providing aid around the world. It has helped me progress more as a better person and taught me qualities that I did not know existed inside of me. I have never been so interested with my participation in school clubs and my service to others as I have been these past three and a half years. I became an active member for the first two years of high school, and had the honor of being an officer for my junior and senior year.

Interact has became such a big inspiration in my life to help others, not just in my community but as well as foreign countries. Each year, the Interact club completes at least two community service projects, one of which supplements international understanding and goodwill. My family, coming from a low-economic social class, I have always wanted to have more, but being part of the club, I discovered there are more people in the world who are much less fortunate. I became more appreciative and grateful of everything I owned and wanted to give back to others. I was able to by contributing with many projects including Hydraid, which solely through Interact, was able to raise $80,000 as well as $70,000 for End Polio Now. This year, I have the honorary to contribute in helping raise funds and awareness for ShelterBox. It is an international disaster relief charity that will provide aid to families stricken by the tragic catastrophe around the world.

The retreats I have attended sharpened my leadership skills to help guide others in making the world a better place. With that, I am able to lead other members to help contribute back to society and uphold their responsibilities. With my active participation in the club, it has molded me into being a better person and has taught me qualities about myself. I have acquired personal integrity, hard work, demonstrated being helpful, along with leadership skills are just the few that have been accustomed to me because of my contributions through Interact. The events that I have shared with my peers have allowed me to experience things that I would not have been able to experience on my own. I wanted to help out whichever way I can and make a difference in people's lives. I realized with the compassion I have grasped in helping others, I can make a difference in the community and around the world with just a full heart, even with an empty-hand. Continuing to be a part of the Interact Club is an accomplishment that has given me many opportunities, and has showed me ways that I can go out into the world to help the millions of people affected in society.
michellehoaang   
Nov 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "Family has always been an important, MBA business" - my world [3]

At the start of when I was a young child, family has always been an important factor to me.

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Also, you should go more in depth about your 'biggest challenges' and the importance of your family's support. I like how you talked a lot about your dad, but don't forget that the college admissions people want to learn more about YOU :).
michellehoaang   
Nov 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "a big family of nine" - where I come from [5]

Your first sentence seems to be a run on sentence. Maybe it can be worded in this way:
Growing up in a big family of nine was one of many challenges my family faced. My parents were not accustomed to the American traditions and had trouble understand English.

Hopefully that helped you a bit :)
michellehoaang   
Nov 17, 2010
Graduate / "a household of eight people" - The Struggling Challenges I Faced .. -UC Prompt [2]

Personal Statement 1: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community, or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I grew up in a household of eight people, where you will hear constant bickering. It was to the point where going a day without arguing was considered not normal. Money always seemed to be the root of every conversation my parents had. Having to provide for six children and making sure everything going on in the house was in place wasn't always the easiest task. With financial problems, my parents argued about the littlest fixation, and often would the disagreement lead to violence. Since the time I was able to walk, my dad always had a gambling problem, and in an instant, the hard earned cash seemed to vanish before I know it. Growing up to see the abusive relationship between my father and mother, I developed a hatred connection towards him and began to resent him, though it was not always his fault.

Home was not the most comfortable place for me to live in, let alone, to study in, and I found myself in a dilemma of wanting to move far away from home upon graduation. Focusing on school became an issue early in my childhood. Upon entering High School, I did not have much interest in my school work, but instead focused more on sports and socializing with my peers. After a self realization, I came to the conclusion that I needed to adjust my priorities because disregarding education would not give me the opportunity to be successful in the real world, if I wanted to attain my goals. But through the years, I have learned to acquire the skills needed to be successful in life through the guidance of my siblings. They check up on my schoolwork, make sure I get the help I need, and have given me moral support to achieve my dreams and aspirations. Though I did not understand why they did it at first and was a nuisance, I have come to realize I would not be attentive and focused in school without their help.

Even though my parents bicker constantly, they too have struggled to make a living upon coming to America. They face language difficulties and were not accustomed to the traditions. However, through it all, they have always shown interest for me to receive the best education I can get, and to acquire everything I have learned into a successful career. Though my family is not the wealthiest and money comes by hard to get, I am reminded that education is the richest resource I can obtain. Despite the many struggles I have come across in life, I believe through it all, it has made me become a stronger individual, as well as making me want to work harder in school to achieve my goals, so that I can no longer go through the many struggling challenges I faced before. Regardless of the fact that the environment I grew up in was not the utmost surrounding to be in, I am glad to have the support from my family. Their tendency to encourage me has made me stronger as a person, as well as helping me realize that I am capable of reaching my dreams and aspirations in life.