Undergraduate / "Josh helped me with self-acceptance" - Common App: Influence [3]

This is very first draft. I need suggestions on what to improve, add, or take out. Again, this'll be really bad and I would in no way submit it as is, I'm just hitting a block on how to improve it.

Prompt: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

When I first met Josh, before I had even talked with him, the air was filled with sounds of dogs barking and cats yowling. We had both signed up to take our school's first drama class, an experimental class more than anything else. On my first day of school, I was stuck on the floor yowling like a cat as Josh was the dog curiously trying to torture me. Unfortunately, neither of us liked to lose, and our cat/dog fight ended in a draw after a few minutes of circling and not-quite-fatal fake wounds.

Josh was a grade older than me and had been my older sister's friend for the past year. We quickly grew to be good friends, as we had much in common: love for drama, shared musical interests, and similar attitudes towards life. We shared similar histories and struggles, triumphs and temptations, victories and downfalls. Josh quickly became one of my mentors and people I respected most. When I needed advice or had a question, he was there with answers and solutions. More often than not, he had a way of eliciting the answer from my own mind, influencing me to increase my mental reasoning.

Life has not always been kind to Josh. He's dealt with many things from painful lies being spread about him to financial difficulties to his parents' marital troubles. Though only eighteen, he shoulders more responsibility than most adults I know as he works overtime while also studying full-time at Portland Community College. What I respect most about him is his perseverance. He continues going in situations where most would be inclined to give up, giving his all in everything he does.

Though his perseverance is inspiring, his incredible acceptance of others is what has influenced me most. He does not care what others think about him and does not expect anyone to live up to his standards. That is what drew me to become friends with him. In a world where everyone expected so much of me and constantly reminded me of my failures, he simply accepted me and helped me move on and learn. From him I learned to accept everyone despite their racial, religious, economic, or cultural background. We are all human, we are all equal, and we cannot expect others to live up to our standards.

His influence in my life has led to my own self-acceptance. He taught me to recognize my faults and accept them without letting them rule my life, while also recognizing the good traits of my personality which make me unique. When I doubted my own ability to do something, he encouraged me to work towards it with all my heart. It is his influence that drives my ambition in working towards my dreams.

Undergraduate / "a love for debate" - Stanford Essay: Intellectual Vitality [4]

Essay prompt: Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

I have always been blunt, unafraid to ask questions and offering input even when it is sometimes painful. My motives have never been pain but rather an interest in the psychology and well-being of those that I converse with. You see, the human mind thoroughly intrigues me. The complexity of such a small organic device that controls the words and actions of every man and woman is something that one could spend their whole life studying and still not fully understand. Since my conscious thought began, I have spent time observing people: how they act, how they react, what they say, and why they said what they said. This study of my fellow man has helped me significantly when counseling my friends and placating difficult situations. Many times I will sit in a mall and do nothing but watch those that pass by, mentally making psychological analyzations. I will likely never know how accurate my guesses are, but practicing encourages my development of understanding of people. This study precedes a love for debate. I am very open-minded and love to participate in non-hostile debates on almost any topic. Though these opportunities are rare, I have always enjoyed my debates with friends and authority figures and have learned much from them.

Undergraduate / "Laugh at yourself and at life" - Stanford Essay: Letter to a Roommate [3]

Thank you for reading and critiquing! :)

Philosophically, I favor one of the many doctrines of American author Augustine "Og" Mandino: "Laugh at yourself and at life. Not in the spirit of derision or whining self-pity, but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease your pain, cure your depression, and help you to put in perspective that seemingly terrible defeat and worry with laughter at your predicaments, thus freeing your mind to think clearly toward the solution that is certain to come." To me, everything in life is an opportunity worth taking to share a laugh. Laughter joins friends together into closer friendships, mends broken relationships, and eases tense and stressful situations. Never-the-less, in the midst of all my humor and optimism lies a fundamental sincerity and compassion for people usually expressed through generosity.

It was never really difficult for me to deal with the typical childhood problems of selfishness and sharing. The belief that I give simply because I have is naturally wired in my genes. When I was twelve years old, I had a sudden influx of money due to garage sales, birthday money, and Christmas gifts. As a twelve-year-old with $250 in my pocket, I was rich. Unlike many Americans, physical possessions have almost no hold on me. Therefore I decided that I could buy no toy or game that would give me more joy than giving a gift to a loved one. At the time, my sister was just entering her teens and was in the phase that listening to music to tune out the world was the best idea ever. I bought her the new iPod for her birthday, still fondly remembering the look of gratification on her face when she first unwrapped it. The satisfaction that came from knowing that I had enhanced someone's life through something I had given is the greatest feeling in the world.

Undergraduate / 'I don't get excited easily' - Stanford a good place for you. [4]

Thanks for reading and critiquing!

I began my college search looking for a university that would be academically challenging, intellectually engaging, and financially possible. I had of course heard of Stanford many years ago and dreamed of one day going, but had dismissed it early in my search as financially impossible to attend. Imagine my elation when I soon found that not only was it possible for me to financially attend but that it was indeed the perfect college for me. I'd found a university that is not just about the knowledge learned in the classroom but also about the wisdom imparted by the professors and the creativity expressed by every individual. Nothing could be more perfect for me than to be surrounded by peers that share my intense thirst for wisdom and knowledge.

It is no surprise to those that know me that I don't get excited easily, as there are few things in life that I consider to be worth excessive enthusiasm. However, knowing that there is in fact a college that believes in top quality education, encourages diversity, and desires creative and active students is enough to make me want to skip down the hallways of my high school. I could not create a more perfect college experience than the one that exists at Stanford. In addition to the academic and diversity elements of Stanford that appeal to me, I desire to take part in several clubs of personal interest to me, including Christians in Business, the GSB Show, perhaps Rugby Club and definitely GSB Gives Back. I look forward to all this and more that I could not possibly foresee in my future years at Stanford.