Posts by floralcurfuffal
Joined: Nov 25, 2010 |
Last Post: Nov 26, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 9
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From: United States of America
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Displayed posts: 11
floralcurfuffal Nov 26, 2010
floralcurfuffal Nov 25, 2010
Undergraduate /
The Low Steps - Columbia Short essay [10]
GREAT!!
love the use of steps at home and low steps. low steps reference is not superficial!
maybe emphasize the connection between the 'steps' a little more.
and elaborate more on what you find appealing. you only used 5 lines on actually saying what you find appealing!
floralcurfuffal Nov 25, 2010
floralcurfuffal Nov 25, 2010
floralcurfuffal Nov 25, 2010
Undergraduate /
Concept of Global Network University - NYU SUPPLEMENT [5]
NYU is 'In and of the City' and 'In and of the World.' What does the concept of a global network university mean to you? How do you think studying in New York City, Abu Dhabi, or one of NYU's global sites would change you as a person and equip you to build cross-cultural relationships at NYU and beyond?
A global university encompasses the sole theme of diversity. I strive to diversify myself through experiencing the unfamiliar. The great thing about NYU is that taking risks is encouraged. Risking disease to study in Ghana or risking parental disownment by changing majors, unfamiliar is normal. The more cultures I become familiar with through study abroad programs, volunteering efforts, classes about cultural development, and being in one of the most culturally diverse cities in the world, the more readily and confidently I can give of myself. I believe that by being apart of a global community will better prepare me for life after college.
floralcurfuffal Nov 25, 2010
Undergraduate /
"From Toronto to NJ, I established my place in society" - Rutgers Essay [6]
You didn't REALLY answer the prompt.
You're great at story telling, but you need to focus on why you love Toronto from the very beginning. If this was an essay for an English class that need an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion, you'd get an A+ no problem. But this is your Rutgers application and you need to make sure they think that you're head over heels OBSESSED with Toronto from the first line.
happy writing!
floralcurfuffal Nov 25, 2010
Undergraduate /
"going to prom-a Zombie Prom" - Tulane Personal Statement, experience [10]
Great Idea, but i agree with TheFreeMason11 - you need to focus more on answering the question. You're great at telling stories but in this case thats not good enough :( You didn't describe the significance of the Zombie Prom.. ELABORATE on why and how did it changed your life - that should take up most of the essay .. not so much the events in your life that happened before you were cast in the Zombie Prom.
happy writing!
floralcurfuffal Nov 25, 2010
Undergraduate /
"The church worship leader" - Elaborate one of your activities (150 words) [4]
great idea! but it doesn't flow the way i'm assuming you'd like it to!
"stroke against" is a little awkward .. because technically you can't stroke against something :)
Maybe add something to make the transition between the "I ran over to the other side.." paragraph and "Being the church worship leader" paragraph a little smoother. Or maybe explain a little more why being a church worship leader is challenging ..
150 words thats it!!! thats annoying ...
floralcurfuffal Nov 25, 2010
Undergraduate /
Foundations of Journalism / Middle ages - NYU academic areas of study [8]
hows this?
Volunteering and Dahlia are synonymous. I hope to make a significant impact on the world through my efforts. I'm applying to NYU because of its tradition of Service - and Office of Civic Engagement to facilitate the volunteer efforts of its students. More specifically, the College of Arts and Sciences will give me the opportunity to find my passion. Whether I take a Foundations of Journalism class or a class outlining the Passion and Desire in the Middle Ages, NYU will help me decide who I want to become.
floralcurfuffal Nov 25, 2010
floralcurfuffal Nov 25, 2010
Undergraduate /
Foundations of Journalism / Middle ages - NYU academic areas of study [8]
NEW YORK UNIVERSITY
Please tell us what led you to select both your anticipated academic area(s) of study and the NYU school / college / program or the Abu Dhabi campus. What interests you most about your intended discipline? Mention any extracurricular or non-school-related activities or experiences that demonstrate your interest.
Being a teenager on the brink of adulthood, there are still a world of things I don't know - One of them being what I want to with the rest of my life. I had originally wanted to become a Pediatrician because being a doctor is an indispensable job and I find such great pleasure in helping people. But science is not my passion - giving is. I have been volunteering since I was 12. I'm applying to NYU because of its tradition of Service - and Office of Civic Engagement to facilitate the volunteer efforts of its students. More specifically, the College of Arts and Sciences will give me the opportunity to find my passion. Whether I take a Foundations of Journalism class or a class outlining the Passion and Desire in the Middle Ages, NYU will help me decide who I want to become.
the character limit is 500, so I'm a LITTLE over .. by 290 characters :)
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