Undergraduate / UC Berkeley - Important Quality - My Desire to Succeed [2]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

The personal quality most important to me is my desire to succeed. I have never been the type of person to take second best willingly or to not try at something simply because I don't feel like it. As I've matured, this quality has grown stronger and more prominent than in previous years. It has done a lot to help me get to where I am today, and I hope it will get me to where I want to be in the future.

First, let me explain a little more about this trait and what I mean by it specifically. Throughout my years of schooling, I have met a lot of people who do not have this "desire to succeed" as I see it. If they receive a C, D, or even an F, it is no big deal. In their mind, its just a grade. As for me, I cannot look at a grade like that and be okay with it. The lowest grade I have ever gotten was a C, which happened twice, and I felt terrible about both of them. Those were both during my sophomore year, one I am not very proud of. Since then I've only had one non-A grade - a B+ that I feel I worked very hard for. As I've said, this trait has grown stronger as I've aged.

As this trait grows stronger, I grow more proud of it and thankful for it. I know that I would not be anywhere close to where I am today if I didn't have a drive to succeed; if I was okay with being average. Every single one of my grades and everything I've ever done has been affected by this trait. It is a large part of me as a person and influences everything I do. It does its part to keep me from slacking off and keep me motivated. Without it, I don't think I would be anywhere near the person I am today.

Its a little short... any areas I should add more too? Also, there's not much of a conclusion and no real introductory sentence to start it off. Any and all help is appreciated!

Undergraduate / "School inspired me to become an engineer" - Describing The World I Come From [2]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

The world I come from. This constitutes anything and everything around me that has been apart of my life and influenced me in any way. Without these things I could potentially be a completely different person. This consequence caused me to take at look at my environment and how important it is to who I am. Doing so has given me have a much greater appreciation for everything I have in my world. One of the biggest parts of my world include school, which is about to expand. With the onset of college just around the corner, my life is about to revolve around school even more than in previous years. Also, the most important part of my world, my parents. My parents are the ones who created this world for me and shaped it in the most beneficial manner possible.

Let's begin with school and how it has become one of the most significant things shaping my world. Ever since I was in preschool, school has been revealing to me the wonders of learning and what can be done when you dedicate yourself to it. While many people come to dislike school, I have grown somewhat fond of it. Granted, breaks are always nice, but a few weeks into summer I begin to miss going to school and learning new things. Along with learning in the classroom, school has also helped me to discover where my future lies: in the math and science fields, two subjects that I look forward to every day. Take these two subjects, add in a little hands on world-improvement, and voila, you have my take on engineering, my expected major. Through my next four years of school, I hope to pinpoint which specific discipline of engineering I want to get into for the rest of my life.

While school has inspired me to become an engineer, it is my parents who gave me the drive and the desire to succeed at whatever I set my mind to. Ever since I was a little kid my parents have been pushing me to try my best in school and to do my best to succeed. When I was in elementary school, I wanted to be an astronaut, and my parents supported that and continued to encourage me to be my best. In middle school, I had my heart set on being a rocket scientist, and my parents continued with the support. Finally, in high school I decided on being an engineer, although rocket scientist isn't out of the question, and my parents continued to push me to be the best that I can be. I don't think I would be where I am today if it weren't for my parents constantly pushing me to reach for the stars and to always do my best. They know what I am capable of and won't accept anything but my very best

Throughout my life, I have had a lot of people and things influence me, but none more than my parents and school. My parents' constant encouragement and belief in me is what made me continually strive to be my best and succeed. School taught me about everything there is in this world and everything available to me. Through these two things, along with others, I have seen just a glimpse of what I can do with my life. As life goes on, I hope to uncover more of what I can do for myself, for the world, and for someone else's "world".

Please help!!! I am a math and science guy, not an English guy. It felt a little choppy to me, any and all suggestions are welcome!