Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by amitbhasin
Joined: Dec 16, 2010
Last Post: Dec 18, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 7  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 9
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amitbhasin   
Dec 18, 2010
Undergraduate / (looking and seeing / sing loud) intellectual vitality+ roommate - Stanford [5]

Thanks so much zdmw911! As for the second essay, I wanted to come off as funny & genuine. Do you think it's too much?

Thank you ishas! I'm assuming that you are referring to the second essay? But I'm not exactly sure what you mean? Can you maybe elaborate??
amitbhasin   
Dec 18, 2010
Undergraduate / "my mother calls me a 'shrink'" - Stanford: Roommate essay [14]

Hmmmmm well I think you need to make it more fluent and transitional. And some of it is awkward. I feel like some of the word choice is incorrect (e.g. "succumb").

In addition, I don't think it's good to say that your roommate won't be seeing much of you because you will be so busy juggling all your activities. This letter shouldn't be a moment to propose what potential activites you will be participating. I think it's more about depicting your personality. Really be genuine. Imagine you really are writing a letter to your roommate. What would you want to say?

Oh and perhaps if you focused on one thing, rather than discussing so many different things, it would make the letter stronger. I liked the part about your cultural roots. Maybe make that the cornerstone of your essay?

Hope that helped :D
amitbhasin   
Dec 18, 2010
Undergraduate / "Sensorineural deafness" - Common application [8]

So I liked that this essay makes you really unique. You will definitely stand out. However I don't think you used your SSD condition to its fullest potential. I almost feel like the majority of the essay was informing what the disease was and how to cure it. Rather than doing that, I think you should devote your essay to discussing what the disorder means to you. For example, perhaps you aspire to find the cure to Sensorineural Deafness? Something like that will definitely make it passionate! Instead of just saying your an advocate of finding a remedy to SSD I think you should talk about what you will do to cure it yourself. Maybe you want to go to college and study biological sciences to help you better understand SSD so that you will later become a scientist searching for it's cure? Idk if that helps but I think if you add more of that, your essay will be AMAZING :)

Also, I would recommend that you maintain a consistent tense in the first paragraph. It switches from past to present. In my opinion, keeping the entire thing in present would make the opening telling and effective.

In the first sentence of the second paragraph take out the semi-colon and make it a comma.

And lastly, maybe you should somehow connect the first part of your essay about M. Ward's song to the rest of the essay? Somehow bring it up at the end. That might make a great ending to top off your essay!

Hope that was helpful!
amitbhasin   
Dec 17, 2010
Undergraduate / Newspapers, social challenge, summer, events, history -Stanford Profile Questions [6]

Name your favorite books, authors, films, and/or musical artists.
I tend to enjoy artistic works that change my perception of the world. Life of Pi by Yann Martel is my favorite novel. James Cameron's The Prestige is my favorite movie. Lupe Fiasco makes amazing, insightful hip-hop and Beyonce is the most talented artist I have ever seen.

What newspapers, magazines, and/or websites do you enjoy?
USnews.com and LA Times keep me up to date on local politics. Entertainment Weekly the most clever magazine I've ever read. I must go on Loserboimusic.tumblr.com every weekend to make a list of my the new favorite songs. I am guilty of watching the most random youtube videos until 2 in the morning.

What is the most significant challenge that society faces today?
Living beyond the computer screen. Social networking allows us to contrive for ourselves a more intriguing persona. I'm tired of meeting bland people in person who seemed so vibrant on the computer. If we abandon our computers for a moment to experience the world we can develop real personalities.

How did you spend your last two summers?
Pursued my passion as a black belt instructor teaching younger, autistic children, visited India where I saw the Ganges River and personally handed clothing to the poor, spent my early mornings running for the summer Cross Country program at my school.

What were your favorite events (e.g. performances, exhibits, sporting events, etc.) this past year?
The November elections and all the fiery debates, The Greek Theater exhibition at the J. Paul Getty Museum, finally getting my driver's license! (even though I was a year late), JSA Fall State Convention

What historical moment or event do you wish you could have witnessed?
Gandhi's Salt Satyagraha, also known as the Salt March. Gandhi and his followers walked 200 miles to produce salt without paying British taxes. I find his devotion to a cause riveting and inspirational.

What five words best describe you?
Even closed doors have openings
amitbhasin   
Dec 17, 2010
Undergraduate / "beautiful cardinal tiles and the welcoming atmosphere" Why is Stanford a good place? [5]

Well I think you have a good mature, academic voice. However this short essay seems rather generic. You really could have said this about any other college. All universities have academic classes as well as clubs and organizations.

I think it would be stronger if you focused on something peculiar to Stanford. If you want to strike the admissions officers as someone who stands out, you should make this essay more original rather than just talking about the academic experience and joining clubs. Stanford is looking for people who didn't just cut & paste, but wrote something passionate and individualized for the school.

Hope that helped :)
amitbhasin   
Dec 16, 2010
Undergraduate / (looking and seeing / sing loud) intellectual vitality+ roommate - Stanford [5]

Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

The distinction between looking and seeing is a notion that I find particularly intriguing. Seeing refers to the human tendency to view objects with distance, depth, and especially meaning. In other words, people cannot see objects without perceiving them three-dimensionally and ascribing a particular function to them. I have always wanted to propose the option of perceiving the world in a completely different way: looking. What if people looked at tangible objects as mere meaningless blotches of color? Is it possible to visualize things without assigning them meaning? For instance, if someone were to look at a chair, would he be able to look at it as an arrangement of colors instead of a three-dimensional form? Would this same person have the capacity to discard any functional properties that he immediately associates with the chair? The answer to all these questions is no. Because people have been conditioned to conceive tangible objects as functional, they cannot abandon the deeply rooted perspectives they see objects with. I have tried to see objects as blotches of colors, but I found that it is practically impossible because I cannot forget that a table is meant for support, that a car is meant to drive, and that the sun is meant to shine.

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Dear roomate,
One thing you should know about me is that I like to sing. And when I sing, I sing loud. No, I don't have an award-winning voice and I was never a part of the school choir, but I still love to sing. So don't be terribly alarmed when you hear me butcher a high note from Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" (Yes I do listen to Whitney Houston). So I want to apologize ahead of time for any damage I may (and very likely will) do to your ears. There are two ways you can react to my singing: hate it because my voice is complete and utter torture, or join me in the act of self expression, regardless of how embarrassing or foolish it may be. Hopefully you will choose the second alternative.

Once you get past my quirky singing habit, you will be delighted to find that I am actually a relatively normal person. I love to read for pleasure, go to the gym, watch youtube videos, and try different kinds of foods. Roomie, in me you will find a genuine companion that you can go out and have fun with, but at the same time have serious, intelligent conversations with. Together, we can stay up late and get into trouble, but get back to our books and study for mid-terms the next day.

So here we go. Finally, we're beginning the the most important chapter of our lives. I can't wait to experience the next four years. I know we will become the best of friends!

Best Wishes,
Amit Bhasin

Still working on the last one! Any advice on the first two?
amitbhasin   
Dec 16, 2010
Undergraduate / Press Play - life with a video player setting (Hopkins Supp) [11]

I like the metaphor of the battery & remote control, but on thing I'm not sure about is the St. Louis part. It's just random and idk why you were there and how it's different. Either take it out or change it to something that will make the reader understand better why you were at St. Louis.

Otherwise, I think this is really good and creative. Nice!
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