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Posts by zaynouri
Joined: Dec 19, 2010
Last Post: Dec 22, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 7  

From: United States

Displayed posts: 10
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zaynouri   
Dec 22, 2010
Undergraduate / UVA: In my Mom's arms/ favorite place to get lost [3]

remove I will settle for less..

I am satisfied though, because today, I cut myself with a razor. << the comma aside does not work if you remove it the sentence does not make sense

"trickled out the stream" sounds awkward

I reallly like this ideaaa though and the rest of the essay is very well written
zaynouri   
Dec 22, 2010
Undergraduate / V-Tech Green MOVEMENT, conservation and environmental issues [2]

Most people think of conservation and environmental issues when they hear of the Green Movement. Not that I am not a firm believer of saving our environment by taking small steps such as recycling or conserving energy, but the Green Movement I am referring to hits somewhere closer to my heart. The Green Movement began after the re-election of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, in June of 2009, in Iran. Voters who had voted for the other two candidates claim that their votes have been stolen and the election had been a fraudulent one. They demanded the removal of Ahmadinejad from office and expressed their desire through protests, riots, and the spread of the Green Movement.

Green was the color of Mir Hossein Mousavi's campaign, one of Ahmadinejad's opponents, and now the color represents the unity and hope of the protestors. I have not only been able to connect with my fellow Iranians living in Iran under the regime through watching the riots on TV and on the web, but also personally taking part in the fight for freedom and democracy in Iran. Living near Capitol Hill has given me the opportunity to protest in one of the Green Movements demonstrations. The Green Movement protests and news was not contained within Iran's borders and has quickly spread throughout the world.

The Iranian government has retaliated towards protestors through the means of violence in order to limit their freedom of speech. Living in America where these rights are unalienable and also taken for granted because we have never experienced having to live without them. Watching the Green Movement in person and on TV has allowed me to gain appreciation for these often taken for granted rights.

This world event has helped bring to life the lesson of standing up for your beliefs. Our elders always advise us to do so but the lesson only hits us when something near and dear to our hearts is endangered. The movement started with a small group in Iran and now it encompasses thousands across the globe. Exemplifying that although it's nearly impossible for one person to change the world, through collaboration and determination there are no boundaries when it comes to making changes. Like me, the Green Movement is young and has not yet fully caused the change it desires but it continues in hopes of making a difference.
zaynouri   
Dec 19, 2010
Undergraduate / "Scarffiee" Personal Statement/Common App - topic of choice [6]

I wear a scarf, but not around my neck. I am the proud owner of 58 scarves. The scarves range from a vibrant fuchsia, a dazzling turquoise, and one with flaming red and orange polka dots to more modest tans and neutral shades. Though I often receive compliments for my ability to match and accessorize, the scarf is more than a fashion statement. It represents choice.

The hijab is not only the traditional head-covering worn by Muslim women, it is the modest Muslim style of dress. I come from a family of Muslim-Americans that are split between those who wear a hijab and those who choose not to. My mother proudly wears hers whereas my sister has decided against it. For my sister, the scarf was restrictive. But, in a world where risque attire is idolized and sex sells, the notion of women choosing to not attract attention by displaying skin spoke to me.

In our household, wearing a scarf is an individual and respected decision. However, this is not the case in the country of my birth. While visiting Iran this past summer, the sea of scarves did not comfort me as expected.Simply because I knew all too well that it was forced by national law. Unlike me, the women largely were not given the opportunity to make the choice for themselves. The government rule seems to take away the self-expression component that I believe the scarf holds. In the United States the hijab not only adds to my uniqueness, but it also often guides me in making the choices teenagers my age and I are faced with daily.

My scarf is more than just a piece of fabric covering my head. Unlike others, I wear my religion and beliefs on my sleeve. It has also allowed me to shed some light on my religion to others who previously held prejudices. I speak of the matter lightly in order to make others feel comfortable in showing curiosity. And to answer the common question of "Aren't you hot in that thing?", yes it does get hot at times but you eventually get used to it. My decision has gained respect from my family, friends, and coworkers. I have a strong understanding of who I am and what I would like to represent in society. I am the owner of 58 scarves and hope to add more to my collection.
zaynouri   
Dec 19, 2010
Undergraduate / My Ice Cream Shop- COMMON APP ESSAY [6]

I agree with the posts above you lost my attention a bit as the essay progressed. I think what could fix this issue immensely would be to simple make the essay shorter. I think your topic is great and can be more powerful if its in a short and sweet form
zaynouri   
Dec 19, 2010
Undergraduate / "A little about me; no navigation" Stanford Supplemental Essay [12]

I love this! I really like the ghandi quote but I think it would be powerful if the roses sentence did not follow it. It comes off very typical and cliche. but just my opinion, otherwise its very original :)
zaynouri   
Dec 19, 2010
Undergraduate / UVA: Discuss experiences that led you to choose the School of Nursing. [3]

Hey guys this essay is way over the word limit, they ask for roughly 250 and this is 383! So please help me cut it down and also im more interested in making it sound better and focusing on improving the tone/voice rather than grammar corrections. I feel like this essay is way to too typical and doesnt stand out the way I want it to :/ HELP !!!

Discuss experiences that led you to choose the School of Nursing. (UVA)
In a down economy with the unemployment rate holding steady at 9.6%, I must be a realist. I want to be a nurse because the nursing sector of the health sciences field is growing in demand. Having job security right out of college creates a drive within me that will assist me in achieving my educational goals. A degree in nursing is a gateway to endless possibilities within a single career, as I would like to continue my studies to become a nurse anesthetist.

On the days I did not attend preschool I would accompany my mom to the clinic she worked in as a doctor back in Iran. I learned from an early age that from the medical staff nurses have the most one-on-one contact with the patient and their families. My little five year old brain then came up with the theory that if they have the most contact then they must feel the most gratified or rewarded once a patient's health conditions have improved. Now I volunteer as a front desk receptionist at Reston Hospital, once a week. Being in the hospital once again has made me realized that still 12 years later and half way across the globe, nurses do have the most rewarding careers. Like the majority of people I would like to feel what I do is important and knowing I can play a critical role in a patient's road to recovery will be immensely satisfying.

A career in nursing will utilize me head and heart on a daily basis. The medical knowledge and compassion required for the job go hand in hand. Nurses are also always kept on their toes as they must be aware of patient's conditions at all times since they change in a heartbeat. Being an exciting, trusted, warm-hearted, altruistic, and meticulous person, I would make an outstanding nurse. As a nurse, I want to take care of my patients as I would my family. I want to gain the patients trust in order for them to allow me to take care of them in their weakest and most vulnerable moments such as before, during, and after surgery. Nursing will allow me to reach people when they need someone the most.
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