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Posts by myang
Joined: Dec 24, 2010
Last Post: Jan 3, 2011
Threads: 4
Posts: 10  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 14
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myang   
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / "Engineering Complex"- Michigan: why engineering and why Michigan [5]

Agreed lots of grammar mistakes. In addition, you're not answering the question. The questions asks you to say what the school's curriculum will do for you. You only mentioned in one sentence how a couple of their classes have applications and how they will "largely improve my ability in dealing with the problems in the real world." way too general... I would say almost all classes will help you in the real world if they pertain to your major.
myang   
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / Michigan Community Essay - Math team [3]

Some say that football is the ultimate team sport. Others say baseball. The ones left out of those two groups say basketball. But none of those representations of teamwork come close to the true image of teamwork that I believe in.

I have been involved in a math team since elementary school, and although my family has moved numerous times, math team has always been my one and only stable activity. When I first decided to join a math team, I dreaded the hours I would have to spend in a room doing difficult math problems all by myself. I could see into my future, and I was sitting in a desk with a piece of scratch paper and a pencil boring my eyes out with math problems. The first day held true to my psychic visions, as I essentially sat in a desk all by myself with a piece of scratch paper and a pencil. As I looked around on my second day, I realized that everyone was not sitting down, but moving around the room with pieces of paper and a pencil, asking others questions and doing problems with friends. These people soon grew to be some of my best friends when I began to move around the room and discover new areas of math that I had never known like those mysterious fractions and division signs.

It has been nearly ten years since I joined my first math team. Along the way, I have learned so much about math with some of the best friends I have today. Together, we have conquered math from fractions to fractals and division signs to derivatives. And yet, the one thing I treasure about math team is not the things that I have learned or the people that I have met, but the community that I have found.
myang   
Jan 2, 2011
Undergraduate / " Oh that's my song!" - U of Chicago supplement question 2 [2]

Is there a word limit? But I really like this essay because you give great specifics. However, I feel like you're wasting words with sentences such as For instance Nneka song Mind Vs. Heart, she wants people to understand that you must use your mind before you can use your heart. because it shows absolutely nothing about you the person in my opinion. In addition, I feel that you need to show how the music has influenced you in some way rather than just saying that it shows you are a really open-minded person culture-wise. Feel free to wipe away my comments from your mind cause I'm really not that great a writer anyways haha.

PS: Is I-pod really spelled I-pod? I always though it was just Ipod. haha just wondering.

Good luck at UC! I'm applying there too!
myang   
Jan 2, 2011
Writing Feedback / Sex Slavery--Intro to the prompt "problem in america right now" [4]

Really seems sort of iffy in my opinion. I know you're supposed to talk about a problem in america... but man sex is just a really taboo topic to write about let alone on a college admissions essay. I would advise you to pick something else that shows your intellect. Talk about crime or drugs. I would vote they are much more prevalent than sex slaves. However, if you're really set on this, it's a really good, colorful intro.

In addition, I don't understand why the person above me put in the before sex slavery in the last sentence, but it doesn't make sense to me. In addition, I don't think you need to make the nod any more specific because it's clear to me as a reader that it's just a thank you sort of thing. Finally, I don't think you need an ending, but you need a transition of some sort to end your intro. Like a statistical fact or something like that.

Good luck!
myang   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "Residential Colleges; student and faculty interactions" - Why Rice Essay [2]

"Why Rice?" I asked my best friend as we were talking about the places we might apply to. "You should check it out sometime! It looks just like Hogwarts!" she exclaimed. Curiosity got the best of me so I went off on a cyberspace journey with my good friend Google. I realized immediately that this Hogwarts-like school would provide an environment that I would not only enjoy learning, but live a happy life in for a majority of four years. As I dug deeper, the facts about Rice only verified my first impressions.

Rice strongly attracts my attention as a higher education school for various reasons. First of all, Rice offers a close-knit relationship in its Residential Colleges, which will help me make acquaintances I will value even after my Rice education. In addition, Rice's economics faculty is renowned around the world for its research which makes Rice a great place to study my interest of economics. Furthermore, Rice has a mathematical economics analysis major which especially appeals to me because it is a combination of two academic subjects that I have a true passion for. And finally, although the undergraduate economics major is one of the most popular roads traveled by students at Rice, the classes are still relatively small. If I decide to go even further in my education in economics beyond an undergraduate degree, Rice also offers a small doctoral program that will encourage student and faculty interactions due to its low student-faculty ratio.

The more I found out about Rice, the larger its place grew in my heart. Now, I realize that the "Why Rice?" question I asked of my friend can be answered multiple facts, but none of them truly capture the essence of Rice.

If you guys could give me some opinions on this essay especially the first and last paragraphs, it'd be greatly appreciated! In addition, tell me if the middle paragraph is too dry! Thanks!
myang   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "The DNA Science and Human Genomic Camps" - common app short answer [5]

At the DNA Science Workshop, I performed the basic...

I performed many experiments that...

I feel like there is no voice to your essay although you have great specifics that show you know what you're talking about. In addition, I feel like you only spent one sentence on the importance/relevance of this experience which I feel is too little.

Feel free to ignore my advice cause I'm not a great writer either xD
myang   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / Why Rice "because there are so many on my side" [4]

From just an approximation, I thought that this essay was way too long for the Why Rice essay. I'm also writing this essay, and I know that it has to be limited to 200 words. But other than that, I would say that I really like the analogy in this essay... it really makes me jealous :) In addition, the specifics you included such as your possible goals/products of education are great also!
myang   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "China was a foreign country to me" - Rice Perspective Essay [6]

Sorry, the prompt is:
The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Most applicants are able to respond successfully in two to three double-spaced pages.)

Thanks for the advice. As for the wordiness comment, my essay is somewhat short even with the wordiness... it's only a page and a half.
myang   
Dec 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "China was a foreign country to me" - Rice Perspective Essay [6]

"... Minixo Yang?" rumbled Mr. Gray, my fourth grade teacher. "Here!" I mumbled from the back of the room. "How do you pronounce your name?" he asked. "Minxiao" I replied. Since kindergarten, all my teachers have asked me how to pronounce my Chinese name. I cannot blame them, mainly because they have probably never seen such a strange arrangement of letters to form a name in their lives. However, the fact that my name is hard to pronounce is not the only difference between me and my classmates. I am a person caught between two worlds and two cultures. I was born in China, but I was essentially raised in the States.

Although I am technically Chinese, China was a foreign country to me. I saw the United States as my home when I was growing up simply because I could not remember my country of origin. My original idea of China was that it was the United States, if not better. With all the stereotypes we have of Asian Americans here in the United States, how could China possibly not be better than the United States with such smart people everywhere? Unfortunately, my naïve idea of China was shattered last summer when I visited my various surrounding family in China. Specifically, one moment is still etched into my mind today. I had just finished eating out at a very expensive, special government owned, restaurant with my aunt and uncle. As we were walking down the street to their car, over a dozen small children, probably only five or six years of age, crowded around us, holding out pans and asking for our money. My aunt yelled at them to leave, and I was stunned because my aunt is normally a very charitable person. When I asked her why she scolded the poor, homeless children away, she was surprised. Then, nonchalantly, she said, "Well you see Minxiao, those children are actually slaves to adults who make them wander the streets as beggars for money, because naturally, child beggars garner more pity than adult beggars." My jaw dropped. Where was the China I knew? Where was the world-renowned wealth from manufacturing?

With my original thoughts of China shattered, I returned home that summer revived in work ethic. I now know that normal people are not given the opportunities I am given. My parents always told me they had worked hard to give me better opportunities than they had received. And although I heard, I never truly comprehended those words until after that moment in China. Contrasted with the plight of many in the world, I have now realized that the opportunities I have received are truly special, and I would not do this situation justice without working hard. I now bring this unique experience with me to Rice, where I hope that this work ethic will help propel me through my undergraduate experience here and beyond.

Any advice for a better/clearer essay would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
myang   
Dec 27, 2010
Undergraduate / BOOKS: Discuss your favorite place to get lost: UVA Supplement [5]

Word count and word limit? But other than that I think this is a great essay. I think you should remove the (intentional) part because I don't understand the point of it. Also, I think you should rephrase the first sentence somehow to make it an active voice.
myang   
Dec 24, 2010
Undergraduate / "Science and mathematics have always come naturally to me" - Rice Essay [5]

With the understanding that the choice of academic school you indicated is not binding, explain why you are applying to that particular school of study. (2000 characters)

As I was filling out my course schedule for senior year, I had one hour left both semesters to fill up. At first, I thought I might just take this opportunity to catch a breather and take a free study hall which is essentially one hour less of school a day. But then my eyes wandered upon one AP Economics. "Why not?" I thought, since our economy is going into shambles and Social Security is falling apart, I might as well make some preparations for the future.

Science and mathematics have always come naturally to me. However, I decided to take an academic risk by taking AP Economics. Since then, economics has become my mind's third lover. After the first day of lecture, I already felt empowered through the knowledge that economics had given me through the basic principle of opportunity cost. As the semester wore on and we delved further into AP Microeconomics topics such as supply and demand, equilibrium, elasticity, and rational choice, I felt the world opening up to my mind. Even at home, homework for economics did not feel like homework, and reading a textbook was no longer a monotonous activity I dreaded every day. Now, after just being introduced economics this school year, I want to spend the rest of my life studying the intricacies surrounding society.

Rice has always been a university renowned for its economic studies, and I know that the only way I can solve problems in the economies of the world is through working, studying, and learning beside others who have a similar passion.

Comments would be appreciated!! Check on grammar and sentence structure too please! Thank you :)
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