Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Aflowers12
Joined: Dec 26, 2010
Last Post: Dec 31, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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Aflowers12   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "human body and its intricate" - Columbia Why I want to come to this University [2]

Please Tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why?
Please edit and HELP

Whenever I am asked "So, what colleges are you applying to?" I think back to the conversation my grandfather and I had and what he would always tell me "I believe you will find the cure to cancer. I would respond in a resounding "Yes sir, I will. My grandfather has stomach cancer, he has been the main focus behind my college choices. Although his vision for me may be outlandish at the moment he gave me plenty to think about; my future. Although the colleges I applied to may vary I know what I ...

after edits

"I believe you will find the cure to cancer", said my grandfather.
"Yes, sir, I will," I always responded.
My grandfather has stomach cancer, and he has been the main focus behind my college choices. Although his vision for me may have seemed crazy at the time, he gave me plenty to think about: my future. Although the colleges I have applied to may vary, I know what I want to become a physician. Since childhood I have been planning for this career, playing with my Barbies as though they were my patients and I was there "healer". The human body and its intricate details and functions fascinates me. I love the fact that we are all made up of one complex entity.

I knew that searching for colleges takes times, organization, and effort. As I started my journey on selecting a college that would best fit my personal needs, I was astonished to find that Columbia University fit my criteria perfectly. Through research and reviews about this university, I came to realize that the opportunities Columbia can give are endless. I did not dwell on the fact that Columbia is the third most selective college in the United States or that it is an Ivy League, because those things did not attract me to the school although it is an extra bonus. What captivated my attention was the fact that Columbia allows its students to have a mind of their own. To grow within their own rights and experience the world for themselves. Coming form a Hispanic background, my knowledge of other cultures is limited; I yearn for the taste of other cultures. Columbia will allow me to have diversity right at my fingertips. The road to becoming a physician presents many obstacles but I am positive that the education the University of Columbia can give is unlike any I could ever dream of receiving. Columbia will allow me to leave my mark on this world while taking on any challenges that my come my way. Columbia will give me the chance to take my life and let it be used to empower and improve others through the fours years spent at your academy.
Aflowers12   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "I love playing the piano" - SHORT ANSWER [7]

I think you should remove the first sentence " I love playing the piano" to me it would make it sound a bit more mature.

I feel my heart filling with joy or sadness with the movement of the melodies.

Other than that you worded your essay very intelligently.!
Aflowers12   
Dec 26, 2010
Undergraduate / "interaction with recovering addicts + my educational advancement" - ACTIVITES [6]

Its a nice essay but the Commonapp is only allowing 150 words.

A decision I made early in life was that I would be dedicated to advancing my education; so it was difficult for me to view success outside of education. I truly believe that the acquisition of knowledge can dramatically affect ones life by elevating them to elves beyond imagination. I used to believe that without academic caliber a person could not achieve success; but was proven otherwise through interaction with recovering addicts. My academica have always been of integral importance to me because it is a part of the strong foundation upon which I raised. Living in the South Bronx, poverty and drug abuse are apparent on every corner. I realized that giving to others should be my top priority, which has been the driving force behind my extracurricular activities. In high school I began to volunteer at a substance abuse treatment facility in my community; whose mission is to serve the underprivileged. As a manager at the center, I learned that success also comes from overcoming obstacles such as drug abuse by observing the actions and lessons learned by the addicts we help everyday.
Aflowers12   
Dec 26, 2010
Undergraduate / "interaction with recovering addicts + my educational advancement" - ACTIVITES [6]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

How Should I change it .. Please edit it and critique it !

Please Help

1. I used to believe that without academic caliber a person could not achieve success; but was taught otherwise through interaction with recovering addicts. Academic achievements have always been of integral importance to me. It is part of the strong foundation upon which I was raised. Living in the South Bronx ...

After edits:

A decision I made early in life was that I would be dedicated to advancing my education; so it was difficult for me to view success outside of education. I truly believe that the acquisition of knowledge can dramatically affect ones life by elevating them to elves beyond imagination. We gain skills that allow us to live out our dreams; skills that give us the proficiency we need to be active participants in our society through the careers we choose. I used to believe that without academic caliber a person could not achieve success; but was proven otherwise through interaction with recovering addicts. Academic achievements have always been of integral importance to me because it is a part of the strong foundation upon which I raised. Living in the South Bronx, poverty and drug abuse are apparent on every corner. I realized that giving to others should be my top priority, which has been the driving force behind my extracurricular activities and career choices. In high school I began to volunteer at a substance abuse treatment facility in my community; whose mission is to serve the underprivileged. As a manager at the center, I learned that success also comes from overcoming obstacles such as drug abuse by observing the actions and lessons learned by the addicts we help everyday.
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