Writing Feedback / Results of a survey into the causes of poor school attendance in the Britain [2]

Writing task 1: This pie chart shows the results of a survey into the causes of poor school attendance in the Britain in 2007.
There are five different causes: upbringing, both parents working, lack of school discipline, peer group pressure and bullying. Upbringing is the smallest which has 5% of total causes in the pie chart. Both parents working has the most percentage of 40% of total causes. Then lack of school discipline has less 15% than the cause both parents working. Peer group pressure is more 10% than upbringing. Finally, peer group pressure has the same percentage of 15% as the same bullying.

Both parents working is more 35% than the same cause upbringing. Upbringing has the percentage less 20% than the cause lack of school discipline. From the highest percentage to the lowest percentage, both parents working (40%), lack of school discipline (25%), peer group pressure (15%), bullying (15%) and upbringing (5%).

Upbringing's shape is different from both parents working's shape in the colour and pattern. Upbringing has the striped with black and white colours. Both parents working's shape has polka dot with round shape. Lack of school discipline has similar patterns like upbringing. However, the stripes are smaller and they have black colour. Peer group pressure has white crossed patters on black background. Bullying has black and white squared patterns that are near each other. Therefore, each of cause is different from each other from crossed, squared, striped, polka dot patterns to the arrangement of black and white colours on patterns and background. Furthermore, they have same colours: black and white.

In conclusion, there are five causes of poor attendance in the British schools in 2007.
This is the picture of my essay: 1087.photobucket/albums/j472/tosucceed999/bai4.jpg

Writing Feedback / Free mobile phone and access to the Internet to find jobs sponsored by tax payers? [9]

Some people think that the government should provide unemployed people with a free mobile phone and free access to the Internet to find jobs.
To what extent, do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

In early years of twentieth- first century, there are many problems that happen with the increase of globalisation around the world. In some countries, unemployment climbs up highly which creates big troubles to economic system. In my opinion, the government should provide unemployed people with a free mobile phone and free access to the Internet to help them find jobs.

Free mobile phones and free accessing to the Internet will provide many useful opportunities for unemployed to find jobs. Nowadays, people are very selfish and they don't show their secrets about jobs and financial benefits to other people. The gap between the riches and the poor increases when unemployment increases. Furthermore, troubles will happen regularly on busy streets of every city where unemployment cannot be controlled by the government. Therefore, in order to build and upgrade the society, the government should distribute free mobile phones and free accessing to the Internet to unemployed people. These activities will help them to find jobs and they will increase their income. Importantly, they will not cause any troubles to societies such as: burglars, stealing, and so on. Economic situation will change significantly to a good situation for both government and their citizens.

However, free mobile phones will cause some problems to the budget from government which affects negative impact to other subjects. Free mobile phones will cost the government a huge price which leads to an dramatical increase on income tax and goods and services tax, which is known as GST. Therefore, sales wages from other jobs will decrease which decreases incomes of other people.

To sum up, I agree with the idea of providing free mobile phones and free accessing to the Internet from the government to unemployed people.

This is my essay about task 2, please check for me and give me the right score. Thanks a lot!!!

Undergraduate / "Search for American Universities" -experience you had during your college admissions [2]

Please check for me the esssay, thanks a lot.
While I struggle to find American Universities, I am really stressful because I do not know where to start. Over 1000 schools, it is not easy to find a suitable school for my choice when the final exams come nearer and that make me really worried. However, I decide to star the search for American Universities with high determination.

At the moment now, I am studying in a high school in Wellington, New Zealand. The environment at my school is very good for me to practice English and improve my communication skills. In the morning after finishing the trial exam, I surf the Internet and searching vietbroader.org. This is the website that Vietnamese students who studied abroad in USA created to help younger students gain more knowledge about studying in USA. Moreover, I also receive some useful documents that my sister had sent to me from Vietnam.

I deliberately rummage the documents of American Universities such as: Williams College, Truman State University, and so on. I nearly fall in the chaos of ideas. However, I ask me some questions: What is the real problem? What do I need to do to solve this problem? When I firstly come to Wellington College, I choose Accounting and Economics. These subjects are very different from Viet Nam. In New Zealand, I just study six subjects but in Viet Nam, I need to study thirteen subjects, which is very stressful. After some few months, I feel that Accounting and Economics is interesting even though there are some difficult words, difficult type of analyze the numbers and transactions in company that I need to memorize. Therefore, I choose Finance, which is my major in university. Then I look at the website, I try to find out which school that have good education in Finance. Besides, I look carefully the norm and the number of students in each of universities. The most difficult concern is to find the school fee. School fee in US universities is very expensive for international students like us so I find schools that give a good amount of scholarships. Truman State University is good because they have not only the school fee is just 25000 USD for a year but also free application fee and that is very appropriate for our financial circumstances.

The TOEFL ibt and SAT score are also austere selections. I search all of the schools and just Truman gives suitable rate for me: the TOEFL score is just above 79. Some of universities that I know send the request letter to me and that help me understand more clearly about that universities. Truman State University is chosen to be one of the top public universities in west central America. At approximately 85 % of international students receive scholarships from Truman University, which make me feel very exciting because scholarships are also important part for me to continue my study in the future. Actually, at the first time, I feel very tired because of these information from universities but when I concentrate and prevent all obstacles around me, I can control the search and finish it in a short time. I know that, I need to remember anything that I have found in the Internet and on the documents and that will help me very much to succeed the application process well. At the moment now, I only choose four schools and Truman State University is in my first choice, Early Decision.