Graduate / "Learning appeals to me the most" - My FSU application [5]

Your essay is great it answers what the prompt ask you to do but you should cut down on some of the I's and me's it becomes a little to repeatative, but other than that I do not see any other mistakes.

Undergraduate / "I love to take long walks" - My Yale [8]

all the suggestions are great to keep in mind hopefully the finished product is mind blowing!

Undergraduate / Adding, subtraction, integers, and fractions, the difficult subjects - Gates [4]

this is my new essay hopefully it is better!

Great minds from India have built cities using geometric regularity, Hindu-Arabic scholars wrote books containing numerals and methods for solving equations, and Galileo used mathematics along with scientific ideas to observe the moons of Jupiter in orbit around the planet. Basic concepts such as addition, subtraction, integers, and fractions were used and those ideas to benefit us today. An average person would think that those four concepts were basic. In fact they are, but going deeper into those concepts can become harder by the day. As I grew into far more advanced classes and the math went from simple equations to the analysis of components, it was only a matter of time until my grades began to slip and for me to start receiving tutoring. Being in a Pre- Calculus class with the majority of the students who were senior's, not only discouraged me from using my full potential but I was also distracted from paying attention to the lessons being taught. Day by day I began to fall behind in my work so much that I decided to give up. Being in a class full of people who were smarter than me discouraged me until Mr. Green, my teacher, finally realized that I had fallen behind. Mr. Green found a senior who was willing to help me bring my grades up and also make math easier to understand. Getting help was a slow and gut wrenching process but eventually I began to get the hang of what my peers seemed to grasp so easily. Fortunately I do not have to take any math classes being that I fulfilled my graduation requirements ahead of time, but if I would have never received the help in which I did not only would I be pinned with another math class but also left without the degree of knowledge I now have. Being able to improve in math has not only helped me for future classes in college but has also given me the confidence that if I believe to achieve I can succeed.

Undergraduate / obtaining a higher degree - "Why do you want to transfer" smith & others [14]

you should add something saying what you learned at their school and how it will help you progress further when you transfer.

Undergraduate / "education and community" Why Columbia Short Answer Essay [3]

from experience try to cut some of the sentences short because a million and two people are going to send essays that make them "seem" more educated than they are, my aunt being an essay reader for the UC system often tells me how she and other essay readers get tired of reading the same thing and they dubbed all the essays big macs because they all come the same. in all the essay is great because its embodies what you expect out of their school and what you want to get by attending their, so just tweek the essay a little.