Undergraduate / Bates-How did you discover Bates? Why do you wish to attend Bates? [5]

An essay just for you to tear apart(to build)

I first learnt about Bates when I moved almost next door to the campus, at the beginning of my freshmen year of high school. At that time, I had no clue what Bates was or stood for. Actually, being from Pittsburgh I barely knew anything about Maine. However, as I started to look into colleges during my junior year, my parents suggested that I look at Bates. Obviously, I had completely overlooked the college that was closest to me geographically and assumed it probably wasn't very good, but how wrong I ...

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i highlighted something i think might not fit

When I first moved almost next door to Bates College at the beginning of my freshmen year of high school, I was quite excited about having a world class institution so close to me. While most kids want to experience the world and move as far from home as possible, I haven't really felt that is something that would appease me. Not because that I don't want to explore the world, but because I have experienced so much of the world already. I have already lived in Delhi, New York City, Pittsburgh, spent summers in California and Boston and been on vacations to all corners of the country. I have loved it all and one day I will explore more and I want to study abroad, but at this point in my life I just want to be in a place I can enjoy and not worry about finding a new favorite restaurant. Additionally, after doing some research I learnt that Bates is actually one of the best liberal arts colleges in the world. I would never have imagined I lived so close to a world class institution. But while the high ranking is a given, what really convinced me to apply to Bates were the experiences I had while I was at Bates.

Occasionally, throughout my junior year I would visit Bates. At one point when I had to do a project for AP U.S. History, I spent several days in the library doing research and putting together a presentation with some of my classmates. While I was at the library I had a hard time figuring out the system used there at first. What really surprised me was that when a student saw me having some trouble they would come up to me and ask me if I needed help. I was taken back by their kindness to offer a mere high school student their time. Some of them even took an interest in our project and lent us some of their knowledge. At another time, my U.S. History class took a practice AP test in a Bates' lecture room and got to take a special tour of the campus courtesy of Jared Cash and we ended the day by having a warm meal in the Bates Common. After spending the considerable amount I already have at Bates I can truly say that I would love to wake up everyday to a warm waffle in the Bates dining room for the most important four years of my life.

Critique welcome, thanks!

Undergraduate / "the Model United Nations club" - Lafayette-an intellectual or creative interest [3]

Ever since my sophomore year I have avidly taken part in the Model United Nations club at my school which has one regional convention in May for schools from the area. At these conventions each delegate chooses to join a committee and represent a country. In these committee meetings, which range in size from the Security Council of five students to the General Assembly of almost two hundred students, delegates discuss two topics that were recently raised at a United Nations summit meeting and have a global impact.

During our committee sessions we need to be very well equipped to face the other delegates. Because each meeting is an open session, everyone is expected to express their opinions and question others. To be prepared for this we not only need to be quick on our feet, but we have to study and know global policies. For example, my junior year I was a delegate from China. I not only had to know the policies of China but I needed to have a firm understanding of policies of other large nations, such as the U.S., and how to counter them. In this case because the U.S. and China are very strong trade partners, my bargaining chip was to raise prices on important Chinese exports, such as cars. After several hours of debate on a topic and consideration of the steps needed to be taken to resolve an issue, several of the delegates that have similar ideas on solving an issue would meet and draft a resolution. Using the several draft resolutions that would invariably turn up in a room of two hundred dissenting opinions, the committee had to combine, simplify and bargain their way to creating a resolution that appeased at least two thirds of the commission.

To make this long and tedious process more fun and a real learning experience that each delegate will remember, several members take their character further. Costumes, altering speech, make up, and fake mustaches are all a part of being in character and making it a more pleasurable experience. For example, being a representative from China, I put on a pair of glasses like President Hu Jintao's and a fake Chinese accent, which I thought was pretty convincing. The time in between sessions is filled with time to get know your fellow delegates from other schools at either lunch or dinner or at the several activities held there, from basketball games to the dance to late night dorm meetings. Reflecting back on the three days I spent at Model U.N. I can proudly state that I am a worldlier person with a better knowledge of the several problems that face my generation and steps that I can take starting now to contribute to amend them.

the text box on the commonapp gives me 2000 characters but if i upload a document this is accepted even thought it is approximately 2500. is that ok or will it look bad? theres a few awkward sentences and stuff. but please help correct it? constuctive criticism appreciated too

thanks in advance