Undergraduate / Berea College will bring me challenges: " Why Berea?" [3]

Dear all!!!
Here is my admission essay draft for Berea College. Any critics are welcomed! PLease give me your feedbacks. I also will check yours and give feedbacks. Thank you very much!!!

What ties these people together? Arnold Swarznegger (Austria), Madeleine Albright (Czechoslovakia), Sergey Brin (Russia)... The answer is UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. They moved to the US and became great leaders and famous people by taking advantageous chances that found there. They studied in the USA and nurtured themselves in the way that they should be and took offered opportunities to be who they could be by the help of US Education. The educational and social life in the US, especially in Berea, is quite supportive for a person to develop. As that is in mind, I see Berea College as a place of opportunities. Living and studying at Berea for my entire Bachelor's academic years is a great chance to be improved as person and leader. I want to take ultimate advantages of the opportunities created by the land of opportunities.

I have gained theoretical information about the USA, its society and culture by learning from classes and up-to-date articles. Practical experience is in a high demand by my mind and soul and Berea College will facilitate me to crack theoretical knowledge about the USA. Berea College will open the way for me to explore America and I believe that I will enjoy its lifelong benefits. I will boost my personality as I will experience multi-cultural society and the diversity of people by face to face interactions, and I will expand my worldview by living in the US. Moreover, I will be able to achieve a pinnacle of my educational success. It is undeniable that the highly developed education system is a magnificently considered in the development of every sphere in the USA. Particularly, the political science field is in the center of liberal arts and takes stable outstanding place in governmental regulations, internal and external affairs and politics. Learning Political Science deeply, understanding the governmental regulations will lead me towards the state regulation systems of my country that I will be able to apply my knowledge and experiences to improve the governmental system of my country. In the study of the field, highly qualified professors and the availability of resources will be great assistants for me to be highly educated.

There is another reason to call Berea as a place of opportunities. College never lets the financial problem be a main factor for prospective students not to apply or be worried. Love and care towards every individual student of Berea makes every student much stronger. Once Bill Gates quoted, " receiving bachelor's degree is ...." However, Berea makes his words weaker. When I talked about my dreams about studying in the USA to my parents, I felt the sadness from their faces when they looked to each other, knowing nothing to say to me. They tried to explain the financial situation of our family, how they should buy new houses for my two elder brothers and pay for my last brother's marriage in this autumn. My face down, I said nothing, even blamed myself for making my parents sad. My parents have always been being afraid of money matters to my study. Free specialized boarding school and boarding academic lyceum were for their fortune that money was second role to my academic success. I believe that money always is in a second role for me to achieve my academic pinnacles. I am strongly convinced that Berea is for not only my parents fortune, but also, for mine too.

I faced new, different educational teaching system when I took extra English classes in Edelweiss Progress Center (EPC). The director of EPC provided students with American Educational teaching style by involving 2 teachers who have been to America. The English Advanced and the preparatory group of IELTS that were taught by these 2 teachers were very exciting and supportive for me to develop mentally, morally and personally. I learnt their good interpersonal skills and enjoyed the individual care and helpful class, simultaneously. They sometimes used to tell about their experiences in the USA when we had free time. They would tell about the development of social and educational life, and the differences of cultures, people and lifestyles in the US. Whenever they began talking about their experiences, I got really impressed and visualized my own academic and social life in the US. They gave me the high passion and motivation to study in America during my study in EPC. I enhanced my interests and intents on America for years and I strongly believe that Berea is a big opportunity for me to satisfy my interests, passion and academic thirst.

As it is said, "challenges make a person stronger." I clearly understand the life and study in Berea College will bring me challenges that will influence my entire life. I have been preparing myself to the new challenges for a long time and now, I am completely ready to take a big step. I will nurture myself and shape my individuality, widen my world outlook and receive excellent multi-cultural experiences by studying at Berea. After my return to Uzbekistan, I see myself as working in one of the state places, benefiting to society and my country. I strongly believe that all the experiences derived from Berea College will assist me to grow personally and professionally and most importantly to become a top leader in this modern society.

Undergraduate / "The life of my friend's father" - Standford Transfer Essay Draft [4]

Hi all. I am an international transfer student for Standford and wrote this draft for 1st essay prompt. Any advice, suggestions or criticism is welcomed. Thank you in advance for your help. May God bless you all! :)

Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

He had no legs, no arms... he used to fall down and it hurt him too much. He tried alone 100 times to get stand up and achieved what he wanted. He knew that the life must not end at the time of difficulties. He knew that every difficulty was making him stronger. He was my friend's father who lost his 2 legs and arms after military service in Afghanistan. When he came back home in 2000 after leaving home 3 years before, no one ever thought that he would live for 10 years more happier than he had ever had. Before being an invalid he was a fan of many things. Chess was his life's meaning. After losing hands he learned how to play chess with mouth. 3 years later he became a winner of Valley Chess competition in Fergana. He was keen on music. He used his lost legs to create new music to his songs. Concerts in my hometown were not organized without his participation. People loved him; school children admired him as their teacher. He used to go to schools and meetings to give inspiration, motivation and love to life. I loved him too...

Every time when I went to my friend's home, his father used to either play chess or write a music or song in his room. Just before leaving friend's house I used to have a 10-15 minute talk with him. I used to ask questions about his life,, failure, achievements, and experiences. He always answered: "determination, persistence and optimism are my friends. I take out experience from everything what I do... and my dedications lead me to fulfill my dreams..." His words always impressed me, gave encouragement and passion to achieve intentions in my life. His influential lifestyle helped me to build a vibrant personality and academic environment. I achieved new experiences from every challenge that I faced. I studies so hard, expecting my future happy professional life. I took every opportunity that is best for me. And when one success door closed, I looked for another open. The life of my friend's father helped me to develop my intellectuality to life. I would say that he made a lot of people happy, or at least mine before leaving this world happily.