Undergraduate / "planning to study Public Health in Tulane University" statement [4]

Hello Xiaoxin,

I have reviewed your essay. It received a computer generated score of 73/100 and a human reviewed score of 66/100. First I would like to say that your level of English is great for someone who has been in the country for only a year and admissions counselors will add that to your credit. With that said, there are several grammatical errors that are present throughout your essay. Namely, your word choice, at times, is not appropriate. For instance in your opening paragraph you state "local resident from the state of Tennessee." That's akin to mixing apples with oranges. If you are going to say local, then you should select a locality in the state. State is a very huge word and does not support the idea of "local." This pattern is pervasive throughout your essay. Other than this, your essay is pretty standard and will be similar to the type of essay that will be submitted by the vast majority of students. If it is your desire to earn a scholarship from Tulane, I would suggest that you add a bit of a "bang." to your essays. Hope this helps.

Errors
Use of articles 2
Confusing modifiers 1
Wordiness 2
Passive voice use 3
Spelling 1
Vocabulary use 2

Undergraduate / "our innermost secrets and emotions" - Who has made an impact in your life? [4]

Hello Trina,

I have reviewed your essay. It received a computer generated score of 67/100 and a human reviewed score of 95/100. The huge difference is due to the computer's lack of understanding of your writing style. I rarely ever say this...but your essay, so far, is great! When I first started to read it I was a little bit taken aback. I said "am I going to read an essay about an inappropriate relationship between student and teacher?" However, this essay, so far, is anything but. Once you finish you can drop it by my website and I can review it in its entirety. Good work so far. Hope this helps.

Undergraduate / 'A life is the entity of all one's choices.' - A Difficult Decision - UWO Prompt [2]

Hello Jeff,

I have reviewed your essay. It received a computer generated score of 54/100 and a human review score of 75/100. Your errors will be listed at the end of this review. Aside from a few errors, this essay reads well. Your metaphors are well placed. The only concern that I have is that you paint the road to success as being dark and drab. This is certainly not true. Remember, Universities do not want drab students who will lock themselves in their rooms studying 24/7. They want exciting students, students that will contribute to the college experience as a whole. This is the primary reason why colleges want to see extracurricular and community service activities throughout your application. As a former admissions officer, if I read this essay, I would probably waitlist you solely based on this fact. My suggestion...liven up this essay. You can be a serious student but also one that leads an exciting life as well. One last note, in your opening sentence, I am not sure if you mean entity or entirety but you should double check this. Hope this helps.

Undergraduate / "college experience" - why is emory good match for you? [3]

Hello Julie,

I have reviewed your essay. It received a computer generated score of 63/100 and a human review score of 50/100. Your errors will be listed at the end of this review. Your essay answers the prompt but is slightly deficient. You talk about the greek system and a fitness program that the school has, but, I would add a blip about a class or two that is unique to Emory. What class do you wish to take that you can only find at Emory or maybe a unique support system for international students. I Hope this helps. Please review your errors below.

Undergraduate / interest in filmmaking + to improve personal development + Tunisian background - UCF [3]

Hello,

I only managed to read the first paragraph of your first essay(hint). While your story is great and certainly unique, admissions officers will not read further once they see so many errors. Firstly, how many childhoods have you had? Lets change that so it reflects the one childhood that each of us is afforded. Secondly, "A key point in my life 'is'...," "is" is present. The correct word should be "was." My service can get these essays in top shape for submission for admissions to University.

Hope this helps.

Undergraduate / "one's life can be the best teacher" - on learning from our experiences [3]

Hello,

This essay has the potential to be great. Your biggest problem is your grammar and style. You have way too many grammatical errors in this essay. Also, some of your word choices also interrupt what would otherwise be a smooth reading. Words such as "skyscraper of knowledge and imbibed," will throw readers off rather than impress them.

Hope this helps