"college experience" - why is emory good match for you?

slightly over word limit, i was thinking if i should touch on more aspects of Emory or was one fine?
i can help look anyone elses too! Please and thank you

Many students decide to apply to Emory College based on our size, location, reputation and weather. Besides these, why is Emory a good match for you? (250 words max)

I am a firm believer of "college experience". Given that Emory is based with many assets such as location and weather, I am not travelling to another country with the single intent to study or travel, but also to have the time of my life. Bounded by my innate ebullience, I cannot help but explore all the social possibilities at Emory. Large organizations such as Outdoor Emory provide me the opportunity to overcome my fear of heights in skydiving or challenge my endurance hiking the steep roads up Blood Mountain; it will enhance my outlook in life, and allow me to obtain knowledge that I may not necessarily achieve otherwise. Moreover, I want to participate in the Greek life that only college students can appreciate. This well established dominant force in Emory cannot be dismissed, and I plan to become one that can delivers the tradition, rituals of my sorority to those that scout this path after me. With over three hundred and eighty student organizations, Emory is providing a plethora of opportunities for me. I could easily jump into an organization such as Emory Wheel to further gain experience from knowledgably seniors in my area of study and interest, or effortlessly join a dance club to pursue that passion I never got the chance to. Either way, Emory allows me to invoke my familiarity with several subjects while I am this stranger in a foreign land, and provides the platform for me to associate with those who share common devotions. A prestigious academically-driven school balanced with an active social scene and diverse people , I am convinced that Emory is the key to my lock.

Hello Julie,

I have reviewed your essay. It received a computer generated score of 63/100 and a human review score of 50/100. Your errors will be listed at the end of this review. Your essay answers the prompt but is slightly deficient. You talk about the greek system and a fitness program that the school has, but, I would add a blip about a class or two that is unique to Emory. What class do you wish to take that you can only find at Emory or maybe a unique support system for international students. I Hope this helps. Please review your errors below.

Hi Julie, sorry it took so long to get help! I want to mention that touching on aspects of the school is only important when it helps to show that going to this school is part of a plan that you are very serious about. If a student has put a lot of planning into the prospect of going to this school, the Admissions person feels inspired by the student, and s/he feels that the student deserves all opportunities.

I think this should be at least 2 small paragraphs instead of one big one. Or maybe one big one and one small one. But use paragraphs, because that gives you the opportunity to give a memorable, meaningful sentence and then END a paragraph.

When you do that, the reader's attention lingers a little on that last sentence of the paragraph...

You have a "lock" theme at the end. It would be great if you also had something about a lock at the beginning of the essay.

:-)