Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by success212
Joined: Feb 19, 2011
Last Post: Feb 21, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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success212   
Feb 21, 2011
Undergraduate / "Everyone knows there are two types of people in the world." - U Chicago [3]

One thing you always have to remember is that you always have to keep your readers interested and tied into what they are reading. Am afraid I did not get the whole concept of what you were talking about. I actually couldnt wait for it to be over. i can see you are getting some where and apparently you are a good writer but its all over the place and the grammer needs to be fixed. Hope i could help. i would love to see an update. keep me posted
success212   
Feb 21, 2011
Undergraduate / Inspirational person essay - Common App (directed for Johns Hopkins) [3]

I think that this is a verry good essay to begin with. I can feel your emotion which is very good. I hope you ar going to build on that and ansewr the prompt:you answerd one part which was who than you gave a brief on who exactly he was now explain why he has made such a big impact on you.
success212   
Feb 21, 2011
Undergraduate / "You've just been granted the power to dissolve anything" - my UChicago essay [4]

Salt, governments, beliefs, and celebrity couples are a few examples of things that can be dissolved. You've just been granted the power to dissolve anything: physical, metaphorical, abstract, concrete... you name it. What do you dissolve, and what solvent do you use?

First I need some tools to carve a small passage way to let you in, but I must warn you it might take a while being that I spent years, building this wall. As you can see it is built with the finest it is truly a master piece in its self. In my opinion if I had to choose between myself and Vincent van Gogh it would be extremely difficult. While Van Gogh created emotion and life with his fingertips a brush and paint than when he was done with one painting he moved on to the next. I on the other hand built a wall and kept on building with natural ingredients, sweat, heartbreaks, scars, pain, memories, strength from "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". While I prepare for your arrival, I suggest you also prepare yourself for an episode or should I say an adventure that will leave you to interpret and question yourself.

Now let the journey begin. Behind this wall as you can see all the componets that make "Hagar Boateng" These veins carry my talent to my heart and lungs. My heart is where all the passion lies and keeps my heart beating. Where my faith runs deep within my blood , where even in the dark where I can not see I still find the light. My rich blood that trace back to my ancestors and give me a reason to keep on going. My lungs which keep me alive, with every breath it takes in life lessons and lets out negativity. One of my favorite, my muscles without physical exercise my muscles still get stronger with every obstacle that does not kill me I become mighty . My spinal cord which sends sensations to my brain from my body. Where my brain commands it to stay strong and bare any load it is confronted with. My brain which is the power house, the reason for my functioning. My brain where my treasure is stored. My big brown eyes which reflect the future. With me I carry my solvent made with different elements forgiveness, strength, Love, brilliance and triumph. I will use my specially made solvent to dissolve this wall
success212   
Feb 19, 2011
Undergraduate / "My grandmother's lung cancer" - UF Admissions [5]

The whole concept here is good. You put things in order very well but you need to change some of the words around. its Not quite there yet you need to go in to detail on why. and the vocab that you used in some lines werent quite there you need to let them no who you are (stand out)
success212   
Feb 19, 2011
Undergraduate / "Walk with me!" - Is this a good introduction U chicago? [3]

Salt, governments, beliefs, and celebrity couples are a few examples of things that can be dissolved. You've just been granted the power to dissolve anything: physical, metaphorical, abstract, concrete... you name it. What do you dissolve, and what solvent do you use?

Walk with me! First I need some tools to carve a small passage way to let you in, but I must warn you it might take a while being that I spent years, building this wall. As you can see it is built with the finest it is truly a master piece in its self. In my opinion if I had to choose between myself and Vincent van Gogh it would be extremely difficult. While Van Gogh created emotion and life with his fingertips a brush and paint and when he was done with one painting he moved on to the next. while I on the other hand built a wall and kept on building with natural ingredients, sweat, heartbreaks, scars, pain, memories, strength from "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". While I prepare for your arrival, I suggest you also prepare yourself for an episode or should I say an adventure that will leave you to interpret and question yourself.
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