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"You've just been granted the power to dissolve anything" - my UChicago essay


success212 2 / 5  
Feb 21, 2011   #1
Salt, governments, beliefs, and celebrity couples are a few examples of things that can be dissolved. You've just been granted the power to dissolve anything: physical, metaphorical, abstract, concrete... you name it. What do you dissolve, and what solvent do you use?

First I need some tools to carve a small passage way to let you in, but I must warn you it might take a while being that I spent years, building this wall. As you can see it is built with the finest it is truly a master piece in its self. In my opinion if I had to choose between myself and Vincent van Gogh it would be extremely difficult. While Van Gogh created emotion and life with his fingertips a brush and paint than when he was done with one painting he moved on to the next. I on the other hand built a wall and kept on building with natural ingredients, sweat, heartbreaks, scars, pain, memories, strength from "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". While I prepare for your arrival, I suggest you also prepare yourself for an episode or should I say an adventure that will leave you to interpret and question yourself.

Now let the journey begin. Behind this wall as you can see all the componets that make "Hagar Boateng" These veins carry my talent to my heart and lungs. My heart is where all the passion lies and keeps my heart beating. Where my faith runs deep within my blood , where even in the dark where I can not see I still find the light. My rich blood that trace back to my ancestors and give me a reason to keep on going. My lungs which keep me alive, with every breath it takes in life lessons and lets out negativity. One of my favorite, my muscles without physical exercise my muscles still get stronger with every obstacle that does not kill me I become mighty . My spinal cord which sends sensations to my brain from my body. Where my brain commands it to stay strong and bare any load it is confronted with. My brain which is the power house, the reason for my functioning. My brain where my treasure is stored. My big brown eyes which reflect the future. With me I carry my solvent made with different elements forgiveness, strength, Love, brilliance and triumph. I will use my specially made solvent to dissolve this wall
Tatia 1 / 3  
Feb 21, 2011   #2
I liked it, even though it seemed to me little bit complicated and difficult to catch up with the idea your tying to express. overall good job!

Check out mine too pls
OP success212 2 / 5  
Feb 21, 2011   #3
Thanks did you over all get my point? or do i need to make it a little more clear
elidavis2001 3 / 4  
Feb 21, 2011   #4
Make the actual essay context a little clearer so the reader doesnt have to stop and think and will know as soon as read. Very good essay overall!

Thank you for checking out my essay, i posted two more, can you please help me out (specific things that need change or examples of what i can addd) THANKYOUUUU
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Mar 1, 2011   #5
Capitalize here:
...strength from the expression, "Wh at doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

While I prepare for your arrival, I suggest you also prepare yourself for an episode, or should I say an adventure, that will leave you to interpret and question yourself.---I added commas. But no, I do not think you should say adventure, because that does not really add anything to the sentence.

While I prepare for your arrival, I suggest you also prepare yourself for an episode or should I say an adventure, that will leave you to interpret and question yourself.

Now let the journey begin.---cool!!

My big, brown eyes which reflect the future.

You are great!!


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