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Posts by Real Fog
Joined: Mar 30, 2011
Last Post: Aug 31, 2011
Threads: 5
Posts: 26  
From: Ukraine

Displayed posts: 31
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Real Fog   
Jun 16, 2011
Writing Feedback / "a survey of children's activities" - IELTS writing task 1 sample: Pie Graph [9]

Adding to thatIn addition,there are some activities which are common towith both sexes. First is the computer games which isare the top preference of thewithin/amongst boys, while less that one fifth of the girlsfemale respondents are doing it. Second is reading which is the second to the top girls' choice of girls and the last for the boys. LastLeast preferred activity is listening to music which comprises of the same number of the populationration/rate/share/figures/percentage/number of respondents of both boys and girls.

NO representation on the number/figures given on the list, for which you are more likely to be fined.
Real Fog   
May 23, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS--mobile phone and youngsters, a necessity or evil [6]

With the booming ofin the communication technology, the mobile phone has becomea common equipment(this is an uncountable word) for daily use, even among youngsters. Thus,(do not forget about punctuation) raises the question of whether it is a necessity to equip children and young students with mobile phones. In my opinion, it depends on what kinds of mobile phones are used and what the young students intend to use them for.

There areBasically , there are two kinds of mobile phones . One is with the basic functions such as making phone calls and sending text messages, while as the technology grows, more youngsters intend to use "smartphones" instead due to itstheir capabilities to install various kinds of softwares and its advanced functionality such as surfing the Internet (capitalize this word) and playing online video games. (pay attention to the structure)

Some believe that using mobile phones has a negative effect on children, since kids(this is not a formal word) tend to be easily distracted by an incoming message, especially in class. Some would even become addicted to textingtyping messages. For those who have smartphones, it is even harder to concentrate in class knowing they can do other business on their cellphones, which is apparently more interesting than the class itself. What's more, kids who have less self-deciplines, using smartphones to chat online or play video games can easily occupy their spare time and even do harm to their physical and mental health. That's why mobile phones are forbidden in some campus due to its negative effect on students' academic studies.
Real Fog   
May 12, 2011
Writing Feedback / These days everyone seems to have more and more possessions. Our strong desire to own [4]

Hey guys. I'm Happy to help you with your writings if you have a look on my essay. READ/CHECK/CRITIQUE/COMMENT/SUGGEST

These days everyone seems to have more and more possessions. Our strong desire to own these things is making us less aware of important personal qualities such as kindness and concern for others.

Do you agree or disagree?


Currently, the world society is facing a problem called egoism; the majority of people are intending to own more and more things, which makes them become self-concerned rather than being generous and grateful towards each other. As I greatly value inter-human relationships, I agree with the claim above.

Living in the economic era, we have established many beliefs dictating that every human being must be valued and appreciated in accordance to the amount of wealth he or she has. Being the most active presenter of society, the media chases after rich celebrities, not ordinary people. In other words, the more money one earns, the more attention and respect he will receive.

Furthermore, I have an impression that in the past family members gathered together after a working day to share with their news or experiences, so that proper communication within the family is constituted and warm feelings amongst them are created. These days, however, people dash out the street or fly to some exotic island to show off their latest bought belongings or other luxury stuff. Consequently, they are lack of real communication which is the key factor that lead people love each other and maintain kind relationships.

Finally, having rushed to pursue more and more people become mind-captured by the things they own, replacing friends and relatives with them. Unfortunately, it is not the end and those seduced start to care about their possessions. Subsequently, they have no thought about the life blooming with feelings and experiences that can not be bought.

All in all, I admit people today are surrounded with their items considering them as a sign for better status, but each of them is making himself isolated from that society. Nevertheless, I believe we should not replace real human qualities with stocks of things and try to live in sense of kindness and love.
Real Fog   
May 5, 2011
Writing Feedback / Nowadays students are using the Internet as a prompt to receive good marks rather [2]

Nowadays students are using the Internet as a prompt to receive good marks rather than preparing course work by themselves.

Give your opinion and suggest possible solutions.


No one can deny the fact that the Internet plays a great role in our lives. Many people are using it daily, for a variety of purposes, particularly for education; It has been claimed that the Internet is deteriorating a learning process by allowing cunning students to cheat in examinations.

As well as offering numerous advantages, the Internet has disadvantages though, namely in terms of education. A current condition has showed that the information availability on the Net serves not only as a tool for self-studying, but for gaining unfair credits. For example, a student with no ability or desire to do course work (projects, assignments) can simply download a required material and present as if he had done it by himself. Consequently, there will be one more ineffective graduate. A single useless worker is not a significant problem for a company, but if there are thousands of them, there should be taken a serious action.

As to the solutions, I think the main thing, which should be taken into consideration is the way students are examined. Rather that giving a certain period of time for preparing paper-based projects, the university authorities can asset students' abilities by putting oral examinations. If there is no opportunity to evaluate them all verbally, as it might be time-consuming, teachers can urge their students to sit a formal examination, which, to my mind, is a relatively effective solution for this pattern.

In conclusion, I have an impression that the way young generations are taught is a superbly significant matter as is determines the general view of the nearest future. Therefore, we should elaborate existing bias and pay attention to every single detail, so that the coming generation will not suffer from our decisions.

Thank you for your time and corrections =)
Real Fog   
May 4, 2011
Undergraduate / In the past, sporting champions used to be motivated primarily by the desire to win [5]

In the past, sporting champions used to be motivated primarily by the desire to win the match or to break world records. These days, they are more likely to be motivated by the prize money and the opportunity to be famous.

What message does this send to young people and how does this attitude to sport affect the sports themselves.
Basically, sporting competitions are held in order to find champions who will commit numerous breakthroughs to gain some pride and stay the best in a particular field. Currently, however, huge amount of wage and limelight have become key factors which influence champions to succeed in competitions. Consequently, young people are considering sport as a tool to be famous and its main role is disappearing.

I have an impression that the main aim in doing sport activities is to compete with the opponents and achieve a target. Nowadays, however, these believes have changed significantly and many famous sports people are making money as well as fame on it, which will leave coming generations in misunderstandings of its basic functions. Subsequently, young people will find it as a tool to make a living on it, not to benefit from the emotional gain that sport offers. Moreover, it will not keep tension between nations unless we consider sport as a pure activity, not a way to make a fortune.

I believe that unless celebrities keep on using sport in a true way, not only the status of sport will diminish in the world, but those champions will soon become dolls for media. They will be appreciated, for instance, for appearance on cover of magazines, whereas they are supposed to be admired for the achievements in terms of sports. Furthermore, they will stop developing, because they have enormous salaries, which make them satisfied with their lives.

All in all, I think we should not forget about the irreplaceable advantages of sport to the globe and, therefore, must not consider it as a tool to gain attention. Besides, it is a duty for us to keep the traditions in safety and bring them to next generation without dreadful changes.
Real Fog   
May 2, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS: (people worked in 4 sectors in UK) DESCRIBE A TABLE [3]

The table showed how many people worked in 4 sectors in the UK between 1998 and 2006 . In both years , the total number workers were divided into 5 different age groupsprofile had been a significant change .
Real Fog   
May 2, 2011
Writing Feedback / "Censorship of TV/Radio" - GMAT essay - Analysis of an Issue [3]

Superbly well-written art !!! it is the first time i am impressed by the fascinating flow and lexical resources...Great job !

...their behavior and outlook isare unwittingly and undesirably influenced by such programs
Real Fog   
Apr 14, 2011
Writing Feedback / Creating an ideal society. If it's possible, how can we do it? [8]

I will try to handle with the rest...

More overMoreover , an ideal community is a place where (a noun is missing) is built upon a healthy and logical structure. In such a place any kinds of problems are each person's problems and would be discussed within the members of the society regarding to their the expertise, and the resolution come out by a healthy and open-mind discussion from inside of that society . It can be clearly seen that in most of the developed countries, which led to the main economical and technological powers in the last two centuries, the solutions for their problems came out from their own by smart decisions based on their public opinions.

In a nutshell, although there could be a different definition for a perfect society, I believe a perfect society is one, where all members have the same rights and with freedom, so they can easily can collaborate to plan and achieve their goals in order to make their future.
Real Fog   
Apr 14, 2011
Writing Feedback / How can we control traffic jams? Flying cars? [3]

It seems like each year there are more cars on the streets , because of over populated cities and more teenagers learning hot to drive.

Widgets are helpful to download maps onto your computer to get a better understanding on how traffic is in your area (verb is missing)

It is no longer your friends or co-workers any more. In Germany and even in India they have developed web pages that let you look for a ride in exchange for paying for half the gas it costs to get to your destination.

I feel it is a bit out of topic. But the grammar and lexical resources are good enough. Happy writing
Real Fog   
Apr 14, 2011
Writing Feedback / (IELTS) pressure on students good or not? [5]

...the competitive atmosphere is becoming stronger day by day rather than decreasing gradually since they have been admitted to the prestigious universities...
...gain a high score and credits in such circumstances...
...waste their precious time spent on playing (define it or change) as well...
...by tons of books, which makes them become...
...they feel tired onof studying and disobey what the parents saidsay ...
...have being spent on reading books...
...Reasonable pressure, giving students' motivation, brings benefits and outweighs the drawbacks...
Real Fog   
Apr 13, 2011
Writing Feedback / In some countries the youth have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure [6]

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies.
What do you think are the causes of this?
What solutions can you suggest?

In most countries youngsters are lack of free time for their leisure activities and they are greatly influenced in terms of studies. Indicating the major causes of this condition and giving some suggestions are included in this essay.

Nobody can deny that the key to success lies under hard work. Thus, everyone wants to be successful and happy. The competition for success, however, is the main cause for young people, which makes them concentrate only on their school performance. Consequently, youths are becoming obliged to provide most of their time learning academic subjects rather than socializing with peers. In addition, parental pressure is the impact that leads the situation to look worse. For example, as soon as a student arrives from school, he is controlled by his parents, who make him do homework. Therefore, both education authorities and parents are having incredible influence on young.

As for the solutions, it can be suggested that establishing a proper lifestyle is the thing which helps one cope with the pressure. In other words, doing all the activities that one would like to do is supposed to be good way of living. For example, communicating with friends also helps forget about the current problems and you can always enjoy chatting with them. Furthermore, doing various sports is the next thing that one can do in order to release the pressure.

In conclusion, people come to life not for having leisure, but for deserving for success and enjoying the results of hard work they have done. But still they have to keep both leisure and obligations in moderation.
Real Fog   
Apr 12, 2011
Letters / Leadership, Knowledge, Adversity, Service, Challenge, Goals - insight resume [5]

One of my most experiences has been done for the young people in the United State. When i was in High School I was a volunteer for the young people to clean thier gare dan for three hours and raising ed money for babies. The other one wasto sending some foods for united state soldiers in Afghanistan.We developed programs that taught leadership.
Real Fog   
Apr 12, 2011
Writing Feedback / "a merchant in the year 1000 CE" - a diary on the silk road [4]

There were so many places to see and we needed such a long time to compete our journey.

You write very well! It was easy to understand, which means your writing is incredibly clear.
P/S: I have been to both Bukhara and Samarkand. You should have visited Khiva also =)
Real Fog   
Apr 8, 2011
Undergraduate / "unusual to see a soldier contribute to his nation" Commonapp essay to Ivys [14]

-"An Understanding yourself without looking at the mirror."
-"Look back to the past if you want to consider your future way."
-"Being impressed by the past, one will determine the way he will pass."

Actually, i am not good at fixing titles, though. Just some ideas that came after reading your CA.
Real Fog   
Apr 5, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS: How to measure one's experiences and knowledge? [5]

Only formal examinations, written or practical, can give a clear picture of students' true knowledge and ability at University level. Continuous assessment like course work and projects are poor measures of student ability.

How far do you agree with this latter statement?

It is widely believed that the only way to measure one's experiences and knowledge is through verbal and practical testimonials, whereas unending standard projects are considered to be ineffective tool for estimating students' ability at University level. The main aim of this essay is to show my opinion concerning both claims.

With having several millions students being taught in various parts of the globe, it is becoming an urgent issue to find a beneficial method of assessing students' performance in terms of academic studies. Therefore, the majority of university authorities rely on the practical and written types of examining the candidate knowledge for a number of reasons.

First, without being interrupted by outer factors such as variation of answers, like in tests, or the limitation of time in computer assistant examination, a written form of answering the questions is a pure way of conveying knowledge while being examined.

Second, I have an impression that the practical explanation of ideas is the best way of showing something to others that one knows, because she/he can avoid different misunderstandings between the student and the examiner, which usually occurs in written type of assessment. In other words, accompanying visual materials with verbal speech is supposed to be qualitative approach for this problem.

As for course work and projects, however, it can be noticed that the time and availability of sources draw a line concluding that these types of works are more likely to be useful way of learning something, not the tool for evaluating ones knowledge.

To summarize, I tend to feel that the type of examination is important, because it the thing that determines the condition which a person will be examined in. Therefore, taking all the advantages of written and practical approaches of measuring ones ability, it can be concluded that these kinds are more accurate than the other ones.
Real Fog   
Apr 4, 2011
Writing Feedback / Independent life or living with family? [6]

According to the Wikipedia, a young adult is around 14-21 years old, which is a human`s very emotional and sensitive period in their life . Nowadays, it is very common situation among young adults to live independently from their parents . Living independently or living with family is a completely different lifestyle and also, young adults should know difference between both of them. In my opinion, I think it is better tofor young adults to live with their parents for a long time, for specific reasons. These are:because it is comfortable to live,with no money issues and moral support.
Real Fog   
Apr 3, 2011
Graduate / Advantages and disadvantages of portable entertainment devices (MP3, DVD) [6]

On the other hand, Mp3 orand DVD-players have some drawbacks. I mean , they sometimes cause incidents (stray off the environmental around). As anFor example, while crossing the street or driving transport facilities, which evenat can be reason for an accident.

To sum up, I agree that today Mp3 or DVD-players play a great role in human's life. And these easy movable techniques have both advantages and disadvantages. However, I think that there are more merits than demerits (give an evidence)
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