Undergraduate / Common App Essay ~ Marchin' On [4]

Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence

Music has a way of changing our mood, perspective and our entire demeanor. A simple song can evoke a multitude of emotions depending on what music is playing. In my case, music by OneRepublic: specifically their song Marchin' On, has played a pivotal part in my growth and development. Marchin' On has been the soundtrack on my drive down the road of life. This song has been an anthem in my life; an inspiration, the driving force, behind all of the positive decisions I have made in the past three years.

During one of my many nights on the Internet, I stumbled across the song Marchin' On and I immediately took a liking to it. However, it was not significant at that point and I exited my browser.

My sophomore year of high school is when I began to realize how important this song would be for me. Due to unforeseen circumstances and growing conflict between my mother and I, I was sent to Florida to stay with my dad temporarily. I became more and more upset as the days went on and I began to enter a state of hopelessness: I wondered if I would ever get to go back home to the people I loved, back to school, my friends and my family, because I felt alone in Florida with the father I had not seen in years.

I bought the "Waking Up" album by OneRepublic while down in Florida; remembering how much I loved the lyrics written by the lead singer of the group, Ryan Tedder. I shut myself in my room and listened to the entire album. Marchin' On happened to strike a chord within me, and I feel in love with the song. For the first time since I was sent to Florida, I felt hopeful about my situation. From that moment on, I felt better. I was moving forward and not giving up on my situation. Like the lyrics say, "there's so many wars we fought...there's so many things we're not, but with what we have, I promise you that we're marchin' on."

From Florida in my sophomore year to the present day, Marchin' On has and will continue to have an influence on my outlook on life. Instead of lashing out, hurting others and feeling dejected about circumstances that are out of my control, I've learnd to embrace the bad things in life and keep "marchin' on." The bad things in life I believe are a test. They are meant to see how an individual will react and as Ryan Tedder sings, "there isn't a flag I'd wave." I have learned to refuse to give up no matter what life throws at me; I just keep marching on.

I really need help. I can help with others, but I would really like a second opinion. Especially with relating my essay to the prompt and with structure (I have problems with that). This is still a draft, but I would like everyone to be harsh as possible. Thanks so much!

Undergraduate / Marching Band Leadership (past involvement/experience in marching band) [2]

For Marching Band section leader/drum major tryouts we have to write an essay in addition to everything else for the audition. I tend to have trouble starting an essay and finishing it and i might ramble or repeat things multiple times. So I'm here just asking for some feedback, comments, suggestions, critique. Thank You!

Please respond to the following. Attach additional pages if necessary.
Describe your past involvement/experience in marching band.
Explain why you are auditioning for this position.
What makes you the best candidate for this position?

My high school career and personal being can be defined by marching band. Being a member of the Delran High School Golden Regiment has taught me more about myself, respect for others, having fun, seriousness and about positive experiences more than anything else I have ever participated in, and I would love the opportunity and privilege to be a student leader for the 2012 "Golden Regiment" marching band season.

I have spent two years marching in the "Golden Regiment' and my senior year in high school will be my third, and sadly, last. When I think of marching band and my past experiences these few years, the main thing that comes to mind is the comradery that has been formed between all of the members of this band; which in some ways becomes our second family. I think of the lessons I have learned about being a part of a group and putting needs of others above yourself. I have been honored to have the extremely rewarding feeling that comes with being a part of a group; especially a group like our "golden machine" that plays music, performs a show and tells a story at the same as it tests an individual both mentally and physically. My years of marching on the filed as a bass drum and performing as a member of the pit percussion section have given me a new sense of pride that can not be earned any other way.

In my years of being a member of the percussion section of our marching band I've had student leaders that have helped me successfully get through my first year of band while improving as a musician, marcher and person. Section leaders, in my opinion, are the people of the closer group of musicians playing the same instrument that help motivate the members of the section. They are the people that inspire the rest of the section to play well, meet their personal expectations and ultimately, exceed them. I am auditioning for this position because I would like to join the legacy of extremely important and influential people on and off the field that inspire a section to perform to the best of their ability and beyond it.

A student leader should be a person who can lead by example as well as words, helps to reinforce instructions given by instructors, and exemplifies authority by using respect. I feel as if I am the best candidate for this position because I can do all of these things. [I've learned that true leadership requires action and example in addition to the words that come out of one's mouth and I know that I already and will continue to do this. (?)] A section leader needs to be reliable and dependable, honest, willing to go the extra mile to make a section the best that it can be, committed, personable, and always ready to do any and everything necessary to make a section and the band the best that it can be. I believe I possess these qualities and my willingness to use them makes me the best candidate for this position.

Marching band itself, the instructors and student leaders have had a huge impact on my life and have molded me into a better musician and human being, and I feel extremely grateful, honored and privileged to be a member of this ensemble, and I would love to be a drumline/percussion section leader for the 2012 "Golden Regiment" marching season at Delran High School.

Notes: I didn't want to make it too long, as it was for student leadership and not an English class, but please be tough. I really want this to be stellar. Thank you sooooo much for reading!