Writing Feedback / TOEFL> government should spend more money in university than children [3]

i'm sorry... i post my thread very frequently... but it remains little time.
anyway... i want to frank corrections and advices !!!

Q>government should spend more money in university than children in order to successful development of country.

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Those who consider the fastest, the best might want to get a quick result. However, I do not agree that, investing money for university students, rather than supporting children, plays a pivotal role when it comes to making successful country. There are two main aspects; to make financially successful country and to have a stable society.

First, as far as financial success is concerned, it is better to invest for children. As society is getting more complex, competition among nations is getting fiercer. Therefore, the key of economical success has changed. It was to depend mainly on how many products they could make, but now it is to rely on how creative they are. Besides, as far as supports from companies are concerned, university students already have plentiful supports from companies. On the other hand, if the government do not pay attention to cultivate children's creativity, potential. Competitive of nation will be lesson dramatically in the near future-It is not a twenty, but a teenage that we can cultivate our creativity and figure out our aptitude. Considering these aspects, instead of investing money for university students, the governments have to support children to have exceptional insight in predicting tomorrows' trends, unique ways of thinking in running the Internet business, and special eyes to see what others cannot see in conquering 'Blue Ocean' so that a country do not fall behind in fast-changing world.

Moreover, when it comes to a social stability, the government spends money for children, not university students. These days, a number of people are stressed out due to unsatisfied jobs and a routine life. This is because many people in the past had to but to choose their job in university with a short-term view without enough consideration of aptitude. Of course, some might say that there is neither inborn aptitude nor perfect jobs based on it. However, as long as we put our time and energy into finding our aptitude, we are highly likely to discover our aptitude and talents, which is definitely necessary in these highly stressful societies. In a survey conducted by the sociology department of Seoul National University, it revealed that Finland had more stable society compared to Korea. This has results of the fact that 89.2% of Finns including carpenters, teachers, and politicians were satisfied to their jobs and this was attributed to efforts from the government at their early age. On the other hands, if the government had invested their money in university only with short-term viewpoints, Many Finns could have not satisfied to their jobs and their society would remain hectic. This is not an isolated case; a survey in Japan revealed the same results for the same reasons. Considering these aspects, by supporting children, the government should give people more opportunities so that they can enjoy their life. Unless, it will cause fatal damage both nation and its people.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL> moving to different countries is not good because of losing old friends [10]

Q> moving to different countries or towns is not good because of loosing old friends. D/A

These days, it is natural for people to move from one place to another because of job, marriage, and other family reasons. Therefore, many people think that it is misunderstanding that moving to different places will cause losing old friends Also, they say that it is better moving different countries and towns frequently for some reasons. However, I do not agree that, moving to strange places, rather than staying a familiar place, is a pivotal role in having successful life. There are two main reasons; to have better human relationships and to avoid from getting stressed out.

First, when it comes to becoming successful in human relationships, moving other places is not better in the end. Some might say that, even if people leave their home town, they can contact their old friends thanks to developments of technology. However, even though they can meet their old friends through the Internet or telephones, they soon will alienate from each others just like the old saying 'Out of sight, Out of mind'. Besides, some people argue that, by going some big towns, people can not only make a wide range of friends, but also broaden their social network. This will be definitely helpful when they need some help. However, suppose that you urgently need 3,000 dollars because of sudden accidents. Do you think that your new friends can borrow big money without any doubts? What if your son has a hard time being adapted in new surroundings? Do you believe moving another places again can solve the problems? Absolutely, not. Only those who have known you and your sons for a long time solve these problems. From having a happy family to making true friends, there is nothing more helpful than staying one place for a long time.

Second, as far as getting stressed out is concerned, staying a familiar place is better. These days, a number of people are stressed out due to the heavy burden of being adapted fast-changing society and the financial burdens. From struggling to be adapted new places whenever you move to spending unnecessary money for relocating your furniture, there is nothing more stressful than migrating other places. I felt these types of discomfort a couple years ago when I moved into Japan due to my father's business. However, since I came back my hometown, I have not been worried about whether I should eat unpalatable foods, whether I could go my destinations without getting lost in the streets, whether I could hang out with my peers in a school. Moreover, there is a interesting report conducted by the sociology department of Seoul National University. It showed that 86.2% cities who had a number of migrations recorded a high rate of stress than which did not. This was a result of being stressed out due to leaving their familiar places. On the other hands, if they keep live in their hometown, rate of stress would be low. This is not an isolated case; a survey in Japan showed the same results for the same reasons. In this sense, there is no doubt it is better to stay familiar place.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL>Increased teacher's salary will improve the quality of education in a country [4]

Those who think that the original purpose of teachers is not making a lot of money, but teaching and giving lessons of life to students might say that there are nothing to do with between teacher's salaries and the quality of education therefore the education department have to come up with the way to increase the statue of teachers at first. However, i do not agree that statue of teachers, rather than raise teachers' income, is a pivotal role in improving the quality of education in these highly competitive society. There are two major aspects; to motivate teachers to have improved skills and to attract competitive people to this positions.

First, when it comes to motivating teachers to have improved skills in classes, it is significantly important to raise their salaries. Some might say that increasing their salary will vulgarize the social position of teachers because it makes teachers seem to pursue only money. However, they cannot continue to work unless they do not receive proper compensation for their tasks. As society is getting more complex, people are getting highly educated compared to the past. Therefore, the way of making workers work harder at their tasks has changed. it was to simply force and drive them to do that and do this, but now it is to give appropriate rewards and additional incentive when they perform well on their portions. In a survey conducted by the department of Seoul National University, it showed that 89.4% of companies which gave higher salaries to their employees had better work efficiency than which did not. This was the result of the fact that, though compensation, companies could motivated their workers to have satisfaction, so that they could participate their work voluntarily. This is not isolated case; a survey in Japan showed the same results for the same reasons. Considering these aspect, in order to improve the quality of education, instead of giving low salaries to their teachers and blaming them about these trends; lowering the public education, the government rather have to give higher salaries to them and expect them to have exceptional insight in tomorrow's educational trends, unique ways of thinking in making class materials, and special eyes to see others cannot see in finding children's potential.

Moreover, as far as statue of teachers as a job is concerned, it is more effective to give more salaries to teachers. Some might say that a original purpose of becoming teacher is not earning a lot of money, but teaching and giving lessons of life to students and feel satisfying. However, these days, a number of teachers are stressed out due to their low-paying salaries compared to their large amount of works. Besides, because of these facts, even if people majored in education in university, they are reluctant to become teachers, but want to work in private institutions. From struggling to meet expectation of parents to having a hard time with students who do not follow their order, there is nothing harder job than teachers. By giving a higher salaries to teachers, governments not only attract more competitive teachers in school, but also ease teachers' financially burdens. To illustrate my points, my father worked in school three years ago. While he was on duty, he always considered my tuition and increased home lease. Finally, he decided that he quited this job. However, he could not quit his job because there was no teacher who could replace his position. This was results of vicious cycle caused by giving low salaries to teachers. if the government keep to give low salary to their teachers, it will cause fatal damage both nation and its people.