Undergraduate / 'inspiration from the sights' - Very short Tufts essay [3]

Hey guys!! This is officially my last university application essay:):) Please help me critique it. Thank you!!

Consider the world within. Taste in music, food, and clothing can make a statement while politics, sports, religion, and ethnicity are often defining attributes. Are you a vegetarian? A poet? Do you prefer YouTube or test tubes, Mac or PC? Are you the drummer in an all-girl rock band? Do you tinker? Use the richness of your identity to frame your personal outlook. (200-250 words)

I collect trash. Really I do. I collect trash in the form of empty cereal boxes, old newspapers, and glass jars, and plastic grocery bags. It sounds peculiar my mother is not the biggest fan of my trash collecting ventures but where many see trash, I see potential; potential to transform what many people usually bin, into articles that have proved useful to me.

I have learned not to underestimate the usefulness of the articles I collect. For instance, the glass jars, when filled halfway with layers colorful beads or colored sugar, have not only fulfilled their role as decorative pieces, but have also come in handy as candle holders for when the electricity goes out. And heaven knows that the plastic bag has rescued me enough times from the mercy of unexpected rain showers by acting as a makeshift rain bonnet. In fact, the plastic bag has been more than that. If I cut up a plastic bag into just enough strips, I can sew, sometimes knit, together a small purse. And it is this same purse that I usually carry around with me.

In my cherished pieces of trash, I have found an element of possibility and creativity, that runs wild when released. I draw inspiration from the sights I see and observe. From the objects I touch and feel. From the items I collect and store. An inspiration that pushes me to believe that nothing is impossible if only a bit of creativity is applied.

Undergraduate / 'old African folklore' - UPenn optional essay [8]

Hey guys!! Please help me critique this essay. It is rather short, 150 words max. Thank you
P.S Be brutally honest, I dont mind one bit.

introduce yourself to Penn. Our aim is to better understand how your identity, talents, and background guide your day-to-day experiences

An old African folklore tells of a Baobab tree that was disparaged for wanting to touch the sky. How could a tree that inhabited a drought stricken region, grow to reach the sky? It was a preposterous notion. Regardless, the Baobab steadily grew despite the sporadic showers of rain it received. No one knows exactly, for how many years the Baobab has been growing: perhaps five, ten or even a hundred thousand years. What is certain, though, is that the Baobab continues to grow till this very day.

I strive to be like the Baobab: to persevere and keep growing in every aspect of my life; whether it is increasing my grade point average or making creamy homemade ice cream even creamier. I learn from my mistakes, try not to repeat them and, along the way, aim to nourish my community with as much of myself as I can.

Undergraduate / 'never missed the school bus' - Tufts and common app 'a long division question' [NEW]

Hey guys!! I need help critiquing these essays on their style as well as whether they effectively answer the prompts!! Thank you!!

. There is a Quaker saying: ''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood, or community--and how it influenced the person you are today. (200-250 words)

I had never missed the school bus. Therefore, I did not understand why my father had severely reproached me on the one day, three years ago, that I did. It was my fault; I should have packed my bag the night before like I always did. However, it was what came after that taught me a lesson I will never forget. My father had offered me a ride to school. Relieved, I jumped into the car and on the way he told stories of his childhood, of the five kilometer journeys he had had to walk each way to get to and from his school every day. That I did not have to endure the same explained why he had scolded me the way he did. About three kilometers away from my school, he pulled over by the side of the road and at first I didn't understand why. It was only when he bade me a great day at school that I understood that I was expected to walk the rest of the way. I never missed the bus again.

My father represents the environment in which I was raised, one where I was taught to see and appreciate the blessings in my life even those that seemed trifling. There is not a single day that I am not thankful for all that I have and it is this gratitude that has prompted me to want to share all I have with the world thus my love of community service.

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

"I can't believe this! I get it! I really get it!" exclaimed Alexandra after successfully completing a long division question on her own.

It was this cry of elation, the excitement along with a realisation that nothing was impossible or too hard that made me love tutoring and for an hour every day after school for the last two years, I had dedicated my time to sharing my greatest love, learning, with anyone who needed my help. As a part of the boarding community at my high school, I found it easier to offer my help, so much so that I extended the sessions to include weekends. Furthermore, as a boarding prefect, I was trusted with the keys to our school library in which I carried out my sessions.

To me, tutoring is not just about the teaching rather it is about taking a journey with my tutees and watching them gain the confidence to do something on their own. When my tutees learn something new, I see the thrill in their eyes. I smile because it's a thrill we now share.

Undergraduate / "My first schooling experience... in a Malawian refugee camp" [NEW]

Hey everyone, I need some critique on this essay which I plan to submit as the main one for all my universities. All comments are welcome

Be brutally honest!!

My first schooling experience took place in a Malawian refugee camp where my father worked as a physician. Despite not realizing it then, that was my first exposure to the extreme poverty that plagues the African continent. Through my father's changing jobs, our family was forced to move to a number of different countries spanning across Eastern Africa. With each job he took up and with every country we moved to, the same stark reality faced us; poverty. Having lived in Africa, I have witnessed poverty first hand my entire life; even within my own extended family.

Time and again, on our family's annual summer visits to my grandmother in rural Uganda, I wondered why her home was never lit by electricity. That water had to be fetched about a kilometer away on a daily basis was a fact I failed to grasp. That my own age mates were to get up at the crack of dawn to go plough the farm in place of going to school and that even those enrolled in school lacked the necessary means to stay on was disconcerting. I used to think that it was a choice one chose to live with; I was wrong.

It was only when I entered my mid-teens that I realized the resources available to me to make a real change. I started by joining Model United Nations at my high school. Through MUN, I found an outlet to voice the many concerns I had; more so, those affecting the community in which I had lived my whole life. And while MUN was an enriching experience for the two years that I was involved, I felt the need to do more, to really take that extra step in reaching out to my community. For that, I searched for a way to implement sustainable change within my community; to empower them to take responsibility for their well being and development. I translated all that I learnt from my experience in MUN and the time spent interacting with different people in rural Uganda over my summer holidays into a book drive that I been running for three years now. The aim of the drive was to donate reading and textbooks to under resourced schools in Nairobi so as to spark an interest in learning within the pupils. I believed then and I still do today, that if I can pass on the gift of knowledge to the younger generations in my community then with time they too will not only enrich their own lives but also those of the people in their own communities.

The drive did not only give me the chance to make a difference for someone else but it also augmented my own love of learning. And with my passion for science, I am immensely interested in pursuing an engineering degree, which is rare for an African girl in my community. The way I see it, technological development remains one of the most fundamental factors in the advancement of not only Africa but also other less developed countries worldwide. I hope to use a college education to take wherever I go, a spirit of innovation and thereby contribute as much as I can in the improvement of the lives of the people in my society.

Undergraduate / "to make a positive change for someone else" - What matters to me and why [2]

This is my essay for Stanford's prompt 3. Any comments/suggestions are welcome. Feel free to be brutal. Thanx

My paternal grandparents were poor people from rural Uganda. With no formal education and only a meager income to go by, they struggled to support a family. Putting my father and his 7 siblings through school was difficult for them and often times, my grandmother was forced to sell some of her clothes to do so. With luck and hard work, my father finished his schooling and in turn gave my sisters and me the opportunity to achieve the same.

Following a lot of introspection, I finally arrived at an answer as to what matters to me the most. The truth is I yearn to pass on the torch of opportunity that I was so blessed to receive to others in my community using resources available to me.

Over the last three years, I became involved in a book drive at my high school aimed at collecting books which were then delivered to slum based schools in Nairobi. For the first time this year, I was offered the chance to lead the campaign; Of course, I jumped at the opportunity. Using my role as prefect and student council representative for my class, I prepared a series of assembly presentations that raised awareness for the cause and encouraged students to actively partake. However that was not enough. I wanted to take it a step further; to reach to my community on a personal level. For that, I pioneered another project within my class. Along with the library books, we delivered student made board games that we then taught the pupils how to play.

There is no deeper sense of belonging, no greater connection I feel when I am able to make a positive change for someone else. To step out of my comfort zone, to take initiative in building a stronger community is what drives me every day. To give hope, to be part of something bigger than myself motivates me to dream bigger and aim higher. In turn I hope to give someone the torch of opportunity so that they too can be empowered to pass it on.

Undergraduate / "the magic of origami" - Stanford intellectually engaging essay [6]

The prompt reads; Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

Here is my essay. Please help me critique it. Thank you.

Who would have thought that a plain piece of paper could inspire potential life saving technologies? The idea seemed rather chimerical until I stumbled across the art of origami in a desperate attempt to recycle scrap paper.

This art of folding a square of paper- a technique I previously considered somewhat straight forward- is in fact fascinatingly intricate. My first few attempts resulted in distorted, creased-all-over, floppily dangling sheets of what should have been birds- yet the challenge of working around the intricacies of the design were more than rewarding. When the hard work was done and a 3D form finally sat before me, it was indeed satisfying- enough to throw confetti to the wind! It was almost hard to believe that the completed piece- so real and tangible- arose from a piece of paper.

I was awed to find that the principles behind origami went beyond the basic paper boat and were in fact being applied to nanotechnology to give rise to DNA origami with single stranded DNA as the starting point. The research is still a work in progress but so far, I feel that the emergence of the "medicine box" is groundbreaking considering the size limitations. The multilayered "box" of DNA with its own special set of "keys" has proved a potential forerunner of "smart" drug-delivery nanodevices that could ferry drugs to diseased cells while avoiding the biological barriers that prevent them from reaching their target.

I never thought science and art were correlated but it turns out, the two disciplines are simply two sides of the same coin. It is almost a magical concept and makes me wonder; what else can be done with a piece of paper?

Undergraduate / Common app - talking about a previous university rejection is too heavy/risky? [5]

Hello all!! I'm applying for the 2011-2011 university intake and was wondering whether talking about a previous university rejection is too heavy/risky for a common app essay. The point of my essay with not revolve around self pity but rather how I've taken that experience and grown emotionally. Feedback will be very much helpful.

As a child, I was always warned against swallowing watermelon seeds. In my childhood naivety, I would intentionally swallow the seeds with dreams of having a great big watermelon growing in the depths of my belly. Now, all grown up, in moments like these, laying on a large straw mat strewn across the frontage garden chomping away at cold watermelon slices, I can't help but chuckle. Not at the impossibility of the dream but rather the innocent enormity of it. Over the years, I have scaled my dreams to fit within the realms of reality and with that have come some tough life lessons. The beginning of 2011 was especially difficult; personally and academically. Late into my mock exams, I received news of an unsuccessful application to a university I had set my eye and heart on. The news left me tremendously upset. All my dreams hopes and aspirations shattered in that one instant. I had failed; I was not good enough. How was I to pick up the pieces of dreams that I had worked so hard throughout high school to reach? Where would I begin? A liquid glaze coating my eyes ruptured and let hot tears stream down my cheeks.

A stroke of luck came a few weeks later- although I did not see it then- when I stumbled across a babies' orphanage in my neighborhood. I've always had a fondness for children; perhaps it's the effect of having three younger sisters. Naturally, I felt drawn to pay a visit and to my pleasant surprise, I was welcomed by three beaming and wide eyed toddlers. In due course, what was initially a one-time visit grew into a couple of hours after school which in turn morphed into entire Saturday afternoons. Before I knew it, I was spending whole days at the orphanage during my school holidays. Up until this very day, I can't explain what it is that kept me going back. Maybe it was having bits and pieces of mashed potatoes and peas catapulted at my face and the toothless grin received thereafter. Or possibly the bob of their charmingly chubby cheeks as we played catch in the lawn but then again it could be the relentless persistence as they tried to dress themselves, the result; clothes inside out and shoes wrong way round. Yet they tried again. Through my little ones, as I like to call them, I've slowly rebuilt the dreams I thought I'd lost; dreams of going to college, taking my current interests to a level beyond high school, exploring newer interests with courage and optimism and just taking that journey of self-discovery .

Six months later, I have not only developed a profound appreciation of the positive things in my life but also the little blessings that I have had all along; both my parents, a loving family, a warm bed, three square meals, hot showers and just life in general. With a renewed outlook on life, I decided to take a gap year to commit and focus my efforts on a passion of mine; community service. This time in my home land, Uganda. My greatest hope as of now is to impart all that I have learnt throughout my school years in Kenya to those who need it the most and for that I have applied for an assistant teaching post at a rural primary school. If there's one thing I have learnt this year, it is the importance of dreaming and taking committed steps in achieving that dream despite seemingly difficult challenges.

I acknowledge that 2011 has not been my best year but through the tears, I have discovered an inner strength that I never knew existed. This is an attitude I hope to take with me, not only to college but also beyond college in each and every aspect of my life.