Undergraduate / "figure skating" - my love and passion [3]

Please be as critical as you can and do not be afraid to be harsh. Any criticism is helpful.
Thanks!!

2) Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it reflect who you are?

It was my first time and I was scared. The closer we got, the colder the air became. I clenched my parents' hands tighter than I ever had as I took that first step onto the ice. From that moment on, I started my journey as a figure skater.

I first started skating when I was five years old and I could barely stand on my two feet. But my determination to learn how to skate, motivated me to come back the next week and give it another shot. Before, I knew it I was going to the rink two to three times a day for practice. I had a real blast learning all the new spins and jumps. I then began to take the tests required to advance to the next level. Just recently actually, I passed the Senior Moves in the Field test, which I am especially ecstatic about because passing that test signified that I have completed all the other test and reached the highest level. Another aspect of figure skating I absolutely love is the competitions. I love the pounding of my heart and the surge of adrenaline flowing through my body the moments before I take the ice. What I like about the competitions is not winning a gold medal because to be honest I probably lost more than I have won. For me it is the experience of being able to compete and all the hard work I put into preparing for the competition that makes it all worthwhile. Winning is just like the icing on a cake.

I owe a great deal to figure skating. It has taken me, molded, and shaped me into the person I am today. Some of the most important lessons I have taken to heart from this sport are perseverance, patience, and thankfulness. For me, figure skating is a very difficult sport and improvement does not always come instantly. So I have definitely learned to be quite patient, persevere through all the falls, and to get back up and continue to do what I love. But above all, I am truly thankful for my ability to pursue my passion. Figure skating has also been a place of refuge for me. Whenever I encounter any personal issues, fail a test, or just feel down right depressed, all I want to do is get on the ice. Because when I step onto the ice I feel like any thing negative is sucked away and is replaced with joy. For this reason I enjoy volunteering at my local rink to teach special education kids how to skate because I hope they to can experience the delight I get when I skate.

So here is to 5 am wake up calls, the cold, hard falls, adrenaline rush, meeting new people, competitions, disappointments, joy, breaking in new skates, feeling like I cannot breathe at the end of my program, and sacrificing for my love and passion because I am a figure skater.

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Undergraduate / "Everyday I go to school and try to be a good boy" - UC common app/personal statement [3]

Hey guys this is my first draft of one of the questions. I have never written one of these before so i don't know how good it is haha. So hopefully you guys can help me out :D Please be honest and insightful.

1) Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, your community or school - and tell us how this world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Everyday I go to school and try to be a good boy. However, this was not always the case. When I was younger, as little as first grade, I would always be getting into trouble. I attended a public school in Oakland and lets just say I was definitely not a good boy. As a first grader I learned to swear, steal, and even start fights. I was in and out of detention almost every other day and yes, I was in first grade.

Now that I think back, I truly feel that I was throwing away every single opportunity that I was given to acquire a better education. This realization began to soak into my mind once I transferred to Chinese Christian Schools in sixth grade. What I enjoyed most about this school was its overwhelming atmosphere of love and compassion. My world was suddenly was filled with a plethora of teachers and friends who really cared for me and my steps towards higher education. This was the catalyst that got me to perceive the opportunities presented before me in a different light. I no longer viewed school as a waste of time, even though school can be such a bore at times, but rather the opportunity to attend such an institution was a huge blessing, in which I am sincerely grateful for. Throughout my years of middle school and high school, I sought to change my terrible life style of delinquency because it did nothing more than squander the time I had to educate myself at school. I now view school as a treasure trove of valuable opportunities, not just for education. I think it is safe to say I have fully indulged myself in as many of these opportunities as I could, from numerous clubs to multiple sports. School is my world, and it has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. For me, it is an indescribable feeling of thankfulness in knowing that coming to Chinese Christian Schools was what it took to change my mindset from wanting to cause trouble to that of gratitude and appreciation for attending school. However, I have not become a dull school kid. I still enjoy pulling a few pranks every once an awhile, but only for some harmless fun.

Ultimately, the attitude I had for my world of school has had a definite influence on other aspects of my life, including my dreams and aspirations. I am a competitive figure skater and one day I dream to represent the United States in the Winter Olympics. The outlook I have for school can be directly transcribed towards the view I have for figure skating. Whenever I take that first glide onto the smooth glassy ice surface I think to myself, "man I am so blessed to have physical ability and opportunity to pursue such a beautiful sport." The fact that I know how fortunate I am to be a figure skate is enough motivation and encouragement to push me to strive to be the very best I can. And hopefully someday my dream will come true.

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