Writing Feedback / IELTS Topic: Same job for a same company VS change job frequently [4]

Well... As a reader. I really want to know your reason after I finished reading your introduction. I am eager to know why you think job-hopping is better. But you just stopped. I think if you could use one sentences or a few words to clearly assert the reason, I would easily grasp your idea. Nevertheless, it is just my opinion. You do not need to change the structure of your paragraph.

I know repetition should be avoided in essay writing. Nevertheless, you use the word "commit" incorrectly.

Here is the right way:
Commit sb to sth
Commit sb to (doing) sth

"to" cannot be deleted.

You can look up in a dictionary.

I want to use Participial Construction. It can link two sentences that have the same subject. But your sentence is correct.

"Who" should not be deleted, otherwise you need to replace "transfer" with "transferring".

Best regards,

Writing Feedback / REM Sleep Research Paper - A Better Way to Open Up? [2]

Everyone craves sleep, especially during those long hours at work. The way the sleep process works is impressive.

Sleep is essential for humans. Since the dawn of history almost every human has spent nearly one third of his or her life sleeping; surprisingly, little was known about the process of sleep until modern technology unravels its mystery.

This opening statement may be too bombastic. Well...it depends on you.

Sincerely,

Writing Feedback / THEY SAY LIFE IS HARD - essay [8]

I don't know life is hard or easy.
But I know you should be suspended.
The feedback you provided in others' threads has no meanings.
Thus, you violated the rules here.
Is being suspended easy or hard? I have no ideas.

Writing Feedback / We never know the value of water until the well is dry [3]

Hi,

One of my correction is wrong. I am sorry for that.

Although water covers most of the earth's surface, more than9097percent of earth's waterareisbrackish and undrinkable.

Besides, I think the percentage of sea water could be specified. "More than 90 percent" is not wrong, but inaccurate.

Best regards,

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: It is better to work slower to avoid mistakes - iPhone example [3]

After the introduction paragraph, you used three paragraphs to explain the three disadvantages, which are the degraded name of a company, debased credit of a person, and unaffordable price to pay for the mistakes. This is a good structure. Nonetheless, you still need a conclusion, an ending paragraph, to summarize your essay.

Sincerely,

Writing Feedback / Sat essay: is it best not to change our ideas, opinions, or behaviours？ [3]

Hi,

I am not an expert of SAT. As a reader, I just have some ideas.


This sentence, quoted from the first paragraph, is your main idea.
Your main idea is fine. I believe many would agree with you. However, you did not give any reasons why you advocate this statement in your essay.

Indeed, you gave two examples, which are Garrison's and Ford's deeds. They are great men, making great decisions. But these examples are not reasons. In my opinion, examples support reasons. Lacking of reasons, your essay is not persuasive enough even with two good examples.

I suggest you should provide some reasons, such as...

Reason 1: After meticulous consideration, one should feel confident of his or her decisions. Because no one can know the situation better than he or she does.

Reason 2: To succeed, people should be persistent in the path they choose.

Then you can offer some examples to buttress reason 1 and 2.

I am not a good writer, so my reasons may be bad. However, my point is you should develop reasons before talking about your examples.

Because you did not use reasons to develop your main idea, your argument is unfounded.


These are your ending sentences. Because of Ford's and Garrison's success, people should not change their minds when they think they are correct? How could this be true? For example, Hitler believed what he did were 100% correct. Unfortunately, we all know what happened.

Best regards,