Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by AmethystLiang
Joined: Oct 6, 2011		 Last Post: Dec 7, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 8  

From: China

Displayed posts: 9
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AmethystLiang   
Dec 7, 2011
Undergraduate / 'my forte in sciences' - Diversity common app [4]

I didn't make my point clear. I mean maybe you can depict the scene you see in the hospital in a more literary and appealing way. Also, if you really want to talk both volunteering and research in your essay, you can add transition like" research made me view the 'trivial' aspects of the world, too (just my draft idea, not necessarily good). But I do think you can focus on either volunteering or research.It will make your essay more impressive and make your points stand out.
AmethystLiang   
Dec 6, 2011
Undergraduate / 'my forte in sciences' - Diversity common app [4]

"Over the years I volunteered in different locations which have helped me see the world in its brightest and darkest moments." Since you have mentioned that you have seen these moments, why don't you depict one of these moments in your essay to make it more " attractive"? I feel the essay might be a little bit plain. And the connection and transition between your volutery experience and your academic program seems somewhat confusing. You shifted the topic too quickly .

Hope my advice would be helpful:-)
AmethystLiang   
Dec 2, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I love throwing' - Stanford Supplement Roommate Question [6]

I think you talked too little about your personality and focus too much on your sports. Maybe you're using this to show your vitality and willingness to share interest with your roommates ,but it tells little information about you except your interest.
AmethystLiang   
Nov 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the first day of practice for the summer' - UC prompt#2 [2]

I think the storytelling is not concise and it seems a little bit digressed. Maybe you should focus more on your spirit instead of using a lot of words depicting how difficult the work is .

Nice idea,though.
AmethystLiang   
Oct 26, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Mathematics and Life' - Cornell: Art and Science supplementary essay [7]

I also think fencing does not make much connection in your choosing math as your life goal. You definately speak too much of fencing while using almost no words to highly connect it with your interst in math. If you want to say you find your interest in math after a lot of efforts , you don't need to dipict fenncing so vividly . It risks digression.
AmethystLiang   
Oct 15, 2011
Undergraduate / Experience with Karate , My Common Application Short Answer [3]

Hi, guys! This is my short answer for my common application. I hope you can give me some advice on its grammar and its very idea.

I' m a Chinese, so I know there are a lot of problems with the usage of words in the paragraph. Please do help me to find out .Thank you very much!

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum)

The first time I saw karate on TV, I was captured and started my pursue for karate.
Every experience in my karate training is filled with sweat and joyfulness. After running around the field for more than 5 times as warming up , I practice the basic techniques over and over again. Then I have to do the kicks for numerous times . One important thing in the process is to face the attack bravely since I have to fight against the biological instinct to close my eyes while a fist is headed for my face so as to efficiently defend myself. Also, I have to hold the target for others ,bearing every strong attack while at the same time keeping the target still. I learnt that one has to be courageous and forbearing in order to succeed because as demonstrate in karate " To beat down others , one has to learn to be beaten first."
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