Scholarship / 'My high standardized test scores' - Small School Scholarship's Importance [2]

Hello fellow essay writers! Well, the year is winding down fairly quickly for everyone in the academic sphere, including me. After getting accepted to my chosen school, yeah, I am now in the process of writing NUMEROUS scholarship essays in order to bring down its high cost. This particular essay is for a one time scholarship offered at my school. It's not much and I don't have a lot of competition, but every little bit counts. Therefore, I would anyone's brutally honest opinion on this essay; please highlight any grammar mistakes, logical fallacies, or airheaded sentences about this essay, and I will surely review yours. The topic is "Briefly Describe This Scholarship's Importance To You" THANKS AGAIN!

Burris Scholarship Essay
How I can adequately summarize the importance of this one scholarship to my future academic life? Should I brazenly focus on its role in my eternal pursuit of a high-paying career after college graduation? Or should I say that want it because of the honor, recognition, and certain peer envy that come with it? No; I realize I would be lying to myself on both accounts. I cannot say I want the money simply for the unlikely prospect of making more of it in the future, and I certainly do not want it to provide a false sense of superiority over my classmates. Truthfully, I want this scholarship because it will place my family and me that further away from future suffocating debt. To elaborate, both my twin brother and I have each elected to attend prestigious private colleges, both with an exorbitant price tag attached to their illustrious reputations. Though our schools have been generous with certain financial aid packages, they have still left our parents with a hefty family contribution to pay; since college tuition appears to be going in no further direction but up, I fear that these college costs shall prove to be overwhelming for parents in even the most optimistic financial scenario. Throughout my short, uneventful life, my parents have always been my sole source of support in my pursuit of academic excellence. My high standardized test scores and my numerous extracurriculars did not get me into my dream school Vanderbilt University; their unwavering kindness and support are the true reasons for my acceptance. I realize that I can never repay my parents for their immeasurable acts of kindness, so I shall instead try fervently to keep them out of debt acquired from sending both my brother and me to our dream schools. This is the true reason for this scholarship's importance to me. I want it not for the honor, the sense of superiority, or even the financial security I can gain from it; I simply want it for my family.

Undergraduate / Common App -Character Influence-Introduction-"ODD ONES" [2]

"I've started on my common app essay for the fourth prompt, but I have only gotten as far as the introduction. It seems good to me, but I don't want to continue with it if it is not good. I will take any comment or criticism."

Thanks.

ODD ONES

The life of a night owl is a lonely one indeed. Locked in an eternal battle with insomnia, I lie awake in my bed, ever aware of all sounds travelling through my old home. Each night, these sounds are inexplicably amplified into a dreadful cacophony of noise; I can only wonder what malevolent forces lurk in my sock drawer. As I cower beneath my blankets, relying on their ghost-repelling powers, I turn to one role model for courage. Yet, I do not call upon the Herculean bravery of ancient Greek heroes to combat my irrational fears; nor do I look to the courage of faithful Biblical characters for inspiration. No, I am proud to say that I draw my power from a much humbler source: a small diner located in the California town of Pico Mundo to be exact. There, the bravest man I know cooks the most heavenly flapjacks while reluctantly serving as confidant for the dead. This extraordinary yet humble man is known befittingly as Odd Thomas.

Born from the creative mind of horror author Dean Koontz, Odd Thomas does not initially come across as a symbol of courage. This unambitious man lives a simple life, never changing his clothing style nor going outside his small town. However, if we delve deeper into the mind of this "odd" character, we find a weary man plagued by constant visions of the dead. Many would see this as a gift, but to Odd, it is a curse that has brought him immense and pain. The unending physical and emotional trauma he suffers due to his ability would cause even the ablest man to breakdown and lose his sanity. Yet Odd strives on, forever dedicated to helping the dead find peace in this mortal realm.

Even from the start of the first novel, I was immediately drawn to this California clairvoyant. For most of his life, Odd has consistently faced supernatural horrors and perilous situations that I could barely comprehend; I began to respect him as a man of true grit and dedication. Yet his frequent use of wit and sarcasm to offset the dark nature of his work still manages to portray him to me as a lovable character. Soon, I began to see many of Odd's admirable qualities reflected in my own in life. My burning desire to help others, whether it is tutoring classmates through my school's honor society program or simply being a role model for students in my volunteer science lab work, has greatly been influenced by Odd's altruistic attitude to the dead. Still, I believe his exceptionally sharp wit is arguably the more apparent influence in my life; it was not long before I adopted his method of using sarcasm to offset a potentially bleak or awkward situation.

Despite our many similar traits, the one distinction that stands out between Odd Thomas and me is his astounding bravery. While Odd faces supernatural perils every day, I jump at every single irrelevant noise passing through my home; I cannot help but feel inadequate when I compare myself to him. Yet, I myself strive on, forever dedicated to altering my life for the better, in hopes to be more like my psychic role model. Still, who knows? Maybe those soft whispers and creaks I hear at night are actually the voices of more restless spirits, waiting for me to become their own brave, benevolent, and eternally witty Odd Thomas.

Undergraduate / "Tennis; maybe I'll beat him for once" - Common App Extracurricular [8]

"Double fault!" I cringed as those two horrible words assaulted my ears. Wiping my brow, I looked up to see my twin brother smirking at me from the across the tennis court. Glaring, I tossed the ball up for my next serve. As I smashed the fuzzy green missile towards my twin, I smiled, thinking of the bond we had formed over tennis. The sport had been our passion since the eighth grade, and our fierce sibling rivalry had inevitably found its way onto the tennis court, influencing our every shot, step, and serve. Yet soon the sport began to grow into more than just an outlet for our rivalry. My strong desire to be better than my brother taught me how to persevere in the face of loss. The calculating nature of the game tested my reasoning skills; each match was like a fast-paced game of chess. More than that, though, tennis offered me a refuge from the outside world; escaping the problems of the day was as easy as picking up a racket. As my brother and I prepare to attend different colleges, I can only hope we can keep our rivalry alive by playing whenever we can. Who knows; maybe I'll beat him for once.

This is my submission for the extracurriculars or work experience essay. The limit is 1000 characters, and I may have gone over that a little because I'm nervous about giving such a short statement about myself.-1124 Characters-Help!

Any and all comments concerning grammar, content, focus, etc. would be greatly appreciated. I will of course reply back to your submissions

Thanks Again

Undergraduate / Common App-"Fast Food Worker" -Elaborate on Extracurriculars- [4]

The shrill sound of the fryer buzzer quickly shattered my fitful rest and brought me back to my soapy, wet reality. As I drowsily looked up from the dish-filled sink, I grabbed a towel to dry my soaked hands, inevitably knocking over a stack of clean plates. Too tired to care, I ignored the mess and lumbered over to the grease fryer. Nights like these at K-Hill's catfish restaurant took an especially heavy toll on my body; sometimes, in my dreary state of mind, I had even considered quitting. That night though, I tried to keep myself awake by contemplating the benefits of my job. Because of the long, hectic work schedule, I had to find a balance between my work as a fry cook and my academics. It took some time and effort, but soon I could switch seamlessly between calculus and catfish. In addition to this stronger sense of responsibility, I had also developed a better sense of patience through my interactions with customers. By handling customers' frustration with aplomb, I both pleased them and kept the tremulous situation under control. Most importantly, though, the chaotic restaurant atmosphere taught me how to work under pressure. This newly acquired equanimity will undoubtedly be useful in my future medical career, but for now, I would be extremely grateful just to finish this single night shift.

This is my submission for the extracurriculars or work experience essay. The limit is 1000 characters, and I may have gone over that a little because I'm nervous about giving such a short statement about myself.

Any and all comments concerning grammar, content, focus, etc. would be greatly appreciated. I will of course reply back to your submissions

Thanks Again.