Undergraduate / 'Nursing Home for Alzheimer's patients' UC Prompt #1 [5]

I tried to do make this essay as best as I can but I feel there is just something wrong here.

Prompt#1 Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

It was my first day volunteering at a nursing home for Alzheimer's patients. All the nurses were busy with their work. With nothing to do, one of the managers asked me to go and talk with some of the residents.

It was my first time I had been in a nursing home. I was nervous and shy and had a hard time creating a conversation with the residents. I had only met them for a few seconds and I did not know what to do. Some of them looked like they could not pay attention or were even awake at all.

There was this one lady who was sitting in a chair outside her room, and was just looking around. As I sat next to her, I tried to create a conversation by asking about her personal life. There were some sad things and some good things I heard and it felt like I learned more about her life story. Sometimes she was just repeating things due to dementia. But I wondered why were these residents staying here and not at home if they looked as fine as she did.

During my free time, there were many paper that were placed on the wall. I was quite curious and read through each one of them. It was only until I read them all did I realize that Alzheimer's disease was a more fatal disease than what I had initially imagined. Some of the residents I saw were just like the living dead. It was just unbelievable that something like that existed. As I looked around, some of the residents do resemble the living dead and I just seemed helpless as I could do nothing about it.

A week after, the nurses asked me to help them in their activities. When I did help out, some of the residents started smiling and talked with me. Naturally I responded back and I saw how they were having fun with not only the activities, but especially when having a conversation with me. It was as if they were doing the activities because of me and they were people having the most fun because of it.

Since then, I had talked to many different residents and helped their activities. Sometimes I would remember about the living dead I read about. It just pains me that people could suffer as if they were already dead. Every time I work with the residents, I want to prevent them from ever reaching that level of Alzheimer's disease. It is only when I see other people having fun can I feel good about myself. I know that no one can play by themselves and that it hurts their health when they have no enjoyment in the activities.

From a combination of events that happened during my time at the nursing home, I realized that my interests lies in the medical field. I want to help all people in need of both the older and new generations and hope that I can prove my worth in doing so. I want to make people realize that by finding out their concerns, they do not need to fight alone and people are there to help.

Undergraduate / 'Track and Field' - UC Prompt #2 [2]

I would like some feedback on my essay give me everything you guys got

Prompt#2 Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Running around and playing tag with my friends. I felt really fast and ran away from everybody. No one could touch me even when they surrounded me. I felt quite free whenever the adrenaline passes through my body. Who knew an activity I did a long time ago would influence greatly on what I do today.

I had always loved running against other people ever since I was little. The adrenaline consumes me whenever I run. For me, Track and Field was an important part of my life. For years, I always feel the same enjoyment when I am running every day. When I run, my mind becomes blank from all my worries. All I could focus on was the present.. I can only feel myself and only myself in the race. No one else matters anymore in the world when I run. It is the only place I can run away from the rest of my life.

The first day of practice was Indian Run and Coach started explaining to us what we had to do. At the beginning I started to keep in pace with everyone, but soon I started to slow down. making a big gap in the line. It was painful and tiring and I wanted to quit already. It was time for me to give up, but my body didn't listen to me. I kept pushing myself even though I hated it and didn't want to. It was a living nightmare and I could not think of anything but the thought of catching up with everybody. As I kept running, it felt like a whole day has just gone by during that run. That day, I learned the true meaning of perseverance up close.

The practices were one of the toughest things I have ever faced in my life. I would be scared from just thinking what would happen next. Every day it was a tough journey to get pass the rigorous training. I would feel sore all over my body from the practice. Not only was it painful during practice, sometimes its aftereffects caused me to have great difficulty to walk normally or walk down the stairs properly. At times, I had no motivation to even go to practice and even told myself to make an excuse. It was a challenge that my mind gave me when I was scared, but I somehow always end up in front of the Track Field right before practice every single day. Every day I am faced with challenges and every day I take on those challenge with the courage and dedication I developed from Track.

Through my blood and sweat, my perseverance and dedication, I had developed the most important quality that I had lacked throughout all my life, determination. Throughout most of my life, I was always a very undetermined fellow. When I raced in my first Track Meet, the only thing I wanted to do was win the race. It was plain and simple. The only reason I had come was to race against other people and aim to win. It was a sad day that day when I placed nearly last in my heat. That was when I made a goal to get faster than I have ever before. I have become determined to become a better person than I have ever been before and I believe that I can walk down my path and take on the challenge of anything that comes in my way in the future.

Undergraduate / 'taking care of the elderly was a responsibility' - UC My world and My Experience [4]

Can anyone give me any criticisms on my essay, anything and everything would be appreciate. I want to make it as best I can. EVERYTHING IS WELCOMED I ain't really good at english so there might be alot of errors. Oh and also tell me if these essays will help me stand out or not among other applicants, thanks. I am kinda satisfied with what i made, its a rough draft right now but I feel like I can do alot better than just this.

Prompt#1 Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Growing up, I have always believed that taking care of the elderly was a responsibility placed upon everyone. My grandparents were hard workers for a very long time. They helped my parents take care of me when I was little as if they were my own parents. When my grandfather died, I was unable to repay any kindness to him because I was still immature back then. As I grew older I came to understand that the elderly had worked all their lives and it became more difficult for them to take care of themselves as they aged. I realized what I wanted to do was to pursue the medical field because I wanted to help people to live a longer and healthier life.

During my summer breaks, I volunteered at a nursing home for Alzheimer's patients. When the elderly are stricken with Alzheimer's disease, they tend forget more often depending on the severity of the disease. I wanted to help these people in any way I could because they would be unable to help themselves. There is no cure for Alzheimer's disease, the only way to slow down its progression is the maintenance of the patients personal health. If Alzheimer's disease severed the brain would cause unpredictable thinking and behavior and must be prevented.

At the nursing home, there would always be this one elderly who had to be watched over all the time. He would end up falling whenever no one watches over him. I had to create a conversation with him that would distract him doing something that will cause him to fall. He loved dancing but he had poor balance over himself. He had already fallen a few times before I volunteered but he couldn't remember the times he had fallen due to dementia. I knew I couldn't let that happen again. I would be scared if he would fall and injure himself. Whenever he stood up, I would hold onto him, talk to him, just to get him to sit down even if he didn't like it.

Always trying to prevent danger from falling upon others, I have a fear when others gets hurt. I want to do whatever that is within my power to prevent others from getting hurt. In order to help others at a higher level, I must pursue the medical field in order to truly have the ability to watch over others. I have to return the favor to my community for what they had done for me.

Prompt#2 Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I had always yearned for competition throughout my life. I had always loved racing against other people ever since I was little, so I joined the Track and Field team. When practice came, I soon realized I had underestimated the training.

The first day of practice was Indian Run and Coach started explaining to us what we had to do. At the beginning I started to keep in pace with everyone, but soon I started to slow down. making a big gap in the line. The veterans yelled at me to close the gap and with all my might I slowly closed the gap, but the gap was forming again. It was time for me to give up, but my body didn't listen to me. I kept thinking to myself to just fall on the ground and stop, I couldn't run long distance, I didn't have the stamina for it, and I was losing my consciousness. Then the whistle blew at the last moment, my energy rejuvenated and I dashed to the finish line. I realized that I was not as good as I thought out to be. It didn't stop me, I continued to go to practice every day knowing it would be tough. I didn't want to cheat practice by cheating myself.

Running everyday almost to the point of throwing up, I finally ran my first track meet. My nervousness increased the closer my event was. A few minutes away from my race, I started to choke and thought I might screw up. My heart would just beat faster each second. It was time, nervously shaking, I positioned myself on the blocks waiting for the gun to blow. The gun blew and I quickly dashed off my block towards the finish line with all my might. The thrill of the race consumed me, I couldn't think, I was just running and I didn't know why, I just ran with all might trying to surpass my own limit. As I pass the line, I released myself and looked around. I knew that it would take time to improve.

At the end of the year I still had no chance in the finals, but that didn't stop me. I believed there would be a next time. That time came sooner than I expected. After another year of practice, my results were showing. Winning the majority of my races I felt confident in doing well in the finals, that is until after a minor injury to the face required me to have stitches. Only a few weeks before All City Trials, I was unable to make it to practice nor All City Trials. The only event I had left in All City Finals was the four by one relay. It was my most confident event, my relay team had never lost a single race for the whole year and beat a couple varsity teams.

My friends missed the baton at the last pass. Me and my friend became depressed as most people would with victory close at hand. I didn't blame my friends since it was me who couldn't show up to practice. The team supported us by saying that there would be many more chances. To this day I have yet to won an event at All City Finals, but I still train for that one chance when that happens. Over the years I realized that a team is like family, were not just competing alone, but we strive to improve ourselves together.