Undergraduate / 'busy bakery and catering business' - work extracurricular CommonApp [2]

1st rought draft.
please please please just comment on it

My first five days of training was comfortable and easy but before I could take off the training wheels, I was slammed. It was graduation season in my second week of the job, hundreds of cookies were baked, and dozens of sandwiches made and heaps of salad deli was prepared. In the middle of all the hustle and bustle was a 17 year old drowning in her first job. That month and a half of graduation season, I treated is as my initiation to the deceitfully small but busy bakery and catering business my boss Maria ran.

Two months into my job, I learned how to deal with angry customers, stupid mistakes and my almost always stress out boss. Maria was 57 years old with no children and was in the store 18 hours of the day, she was in a dire need of a vacation. She pushed everyone to their limits from how fast they could make a sandwich to how well we take catering orders. She wanted quality work that went above and beyond which is great for customers but stressful for everyone

Looking back to it now, 2 years and three jobs later, working with Maria has given me a memorable experience that has instilled a work ethic that goes above and beyond to what is required. This work ethic is applies to different areas of my life; work, studies and family.

Undergraduate / 'Someone's difference is an Advantage' - MSU personal statement [2]

PROMT:-If admitted to Michigan State, you will join a diverse community of students, faculty, staff, and alumni. Please respond to the following hypothetical situation: In your first-semester English course you are assigned a group writing project to be completed within a week. In addition to yourself, your group is comprised of five other students, some of whom are from different countries and/or have different racial/ethnic backgrounds than you. Please explain how your past life experiences will help you effectively collaborate with your group members in order to achieve success on this project.

1st draft. I would like feedback if i was able to answer the prompt sufficiently.

For the past ten years of my life, I have been to many places. I have met many people on those travels, different in race, ethnicity and culture. In four years I have been assigned to countless groups for class, clubs and organizations. I have worked with many people who are patient, bossy, obnoxious or friendly. It would be dense if I let someone's culture or belief stop myself from interacting with them because no matter what their ethnicity or belief is, they are people who can think analyze and succeed. It would be a huge mistake on my part to think that someone's difference is a disadvantage for it is in fact an advantage. Diversity is what propels ideas and innovations.

I have been carrying this thought with me ever since Relay For life. It was my first year to participate in the event and as a co-captain. I and my friend had persuaded our friends to join our team, so what we ended up with was a diverse group of people who shared one goal: to raise as much money as we can to fight cancer. Although it took a lot of patience and perseverance to get everyone together and their undivided attention towards fundraising, we managed to make well over our goal. Howeverwe were stump on on-site ideas, we thought of a couple of fundraisers but most of them have been used in the past. My friend, Ashna, came up with a brilliant idea, her mother and she could get henna, a temporary tattoo commonly used in India for celebrations and everyone could make designs. It was exciting to come up with a new event and it felt like a group effort.

Undergraduate / 'The Filipino-American community' - U-Mich supplementary [2]

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.

The Filipino-American community was not what I had expected but it was more than what I had hoped to be part of. In my first month in America, I had realized two things; Singapore and Michigan were two sides of a stick. Unlike Singapore where 4 out of every 5 person I walk by is Filipino, Michigan could barely make it to the one. Second thing I realized was that every Filipino which was not a lot to begin within my city was not pinoy, that is to say they were born in America or had very little to say about their Filipino ethnicity.

So once my mother told me about a Filipino-American potluck, I was both excited and weary. On my first potluck, I had also realized two things; this is it. The community that consisted of members throughout Oakland County that met only a couple times a year and had parties that ranged from; karaokes, potlucks and dinners was my very own small Philippines and to a girl that ached to see her country, it was a huge part of my life. Second thing I realized was that if this was as good as it gets, I was going to get everything I could experience. I hadn't missed a single get-together since my first and I had made it my goal to know everyone because anyone who would leave their country and find a community that emulates their home has a story.

Undergraduate / 'he thinks I'm smart' - significant person- common app essay [NEW]

hi, this is my first draft.
WARNING: I am terrible at conventions D: I need ALOT of help with that
its about 300 words

Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

For most of my life I have made choices for myself and by myself. I have planned a life to cater to my happiness and my mother's. Yet for the first time I've made a decision that has been influenced by a very special person. This boy has only been in my life for five years yet he has changed me in many different ways that my parents could not. He has taught me to love, care and laugh. It's silly how his simple sentences make my day; your dress is pretty, I want you to read me a book or I love you.

I will let you on a little secret; he thinks I'm smart because I know how to read, write and many other things. For the first time, someone looks up to me and that make me want to be a better person. His curiosity for the unknown not only allows me to teach him but to learn from his childish and imaginative mind. Although free babysitting is not something I jump up and down about, I am thrown back into my childhood times as the laughs and giggles fill the house. His energetic yet happy mood provides moments of respite from the lackluster of the real world.

However, senior year is swiftly ending and although I have previously made the decision to go back home to Philippines, this sweet boy has chipped my resolve. It breaks my heart to think about him growing up without me. The moment I come back from college keeps replaying in mind, him standing at the door, welcoming me with open arms yet not quite knowing who I am.

So here I am, applying to ________-, to learn and mature to be successful in life. But more importantly to be an awesome sister that my little bother, I mean brother could proudly look up to.