Posts by cukaracha
Joined: Oct 30, 2011 |
Last Post: Jan 5, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 4
|
|
Displayed posts: 5
Undergraduate /
'Science is the concerted human effort' - University of Michigan [5]
I agree that you've got a solid topic, which can be improved in the way of delivery. (I hope I don't sound too critical)
Your sentences are rather long (the opening sentence of the second paragraph is 3 lines long...). You might want to split them up with connectors instead of punctuation. I understand that word limit is a bother, but right now the essay feels somewhat heavy.
I wouldn't worry about being vague about your role here because honestly, it's quite clearly put forth. Maybe you can try including more personal and valuable achievements to emphasize this point.
Just my two cents worth. Good luck!
Undergraduate /
Cornell CAS Essay - My interest in International Affairs [6]
Honestly, great work! I really like how you used many personal anecdotes and achievements to clearly define your interest and its development. The only qualm I have is that the role of Cornell seems rather generic. There isn't really much about anything specific to Cornell. Maybe you can include something that is particularly unique about the school that would complement your interest.
Hope this helps some. Good luck!
Undergraduate /
"Look Up" - Common App Personal Statement (significante experience) [5]
This is a really captivating essay, in my opinion. it shows a keen awareness of your own faults, and is mature in NOT sounding self-pitying or blaming others. moreover, when i read the tennis part, it reminded me of 'the tipping point'; about how it's the little things that eventually caused a significant change.
That said, there's just one aspect I think you can expound a little more on (I wrote a similar piece about failure). You might want to elaborate in greater detail about how/what/when/why changed about you. because right now, it seems more like 'i failed- i looked up- i got better'. that's of course exaggerated, but hopefully you get the point.
hope this helps. all the best!!
Undergraduate /
'learning music by just observing and listening' - CommonApp Short - Music and Me [4]
Hi guys, could you please read and critique my short answer. Feel free to be (constructively) harsh. Thanks a lot!!
Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences.
Apparently learning music by just observing and listening isn't 'normal'. But as a self-taught guitarist, that is how I've gone about learning music for the past 8 years. Fortunately, my inability to read sheet music has never been much of a hindrance. In fact, not religiously abiding by black dots and horizontal lines allows me to be creative and expressive. When my guitar ensemble instructor told me to 'get creative' with the Jazz solo I was to play for our hallmark competition, I was enthralled by the opportunity. Obtaining a Gold award was a gratifying bonus. Furthermore, being part of the symphony of various orchestral sections is an exhilarating experience. Playing alongside Japanese counterparts in a music exchange tour to Japan was a priceless privilege; our seamless musical collaboration truly magical considering our language barrier. Music is special to me as it defines my intangible aspects; my love for creativity and collaboration, and strive for perfection.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?