Undergraduate / Common app- working at the family store [2]

Can you guys re-read my common app personal essay. i feel as if i should add more to it, but im not sure what to write about now. i appreciate the help. thanks in advance

#1-Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Countless thoughts raced through my mind as I tried to comprehend where I was and what I was doing there. It was my first day as the cashier at the family store. I regret waiting until sophomore year of high school to take this opportunity for it helped me develop as a person tremendously. By simply helping customers find what they needed and giving back their change, I began to feel more confident. The simple "thank you" and "have a nice night" quickly changed into "how was your day" to "special plans for the weekend?" Soon I became more than some shy kid working somewhere, to a person who is comfortable talking to people, offering help, and approaching new experiences. Working has played a major role in my life. It has evolved to more than just a job, but to something I enjoy as it helps me grow as a sensitive and responsible person.

During the first few weeks of working I was a shy and quite kid who didn't want to be bothered. This quality of mine had a major impact in my social as well as academic life. Before starting work, I couldn't wait to come home from school and just go straight to sleep because I lacked the self-confidence to communicate and approach new people and obstacles. As soon as I started work, I quickly become "open" to people and wasn't afraid anymore. I began to see life in a whole different viewpoint. The ability to communicate with others opened up so many other opportunities to me, such as making new friends and even joining the gym.

Joining the gym was something I always wanted to do, but was too shy to build the courage to go by myself and workout, until a customer from work invited me to come workout with him. As an opportunity to do something I have always wanted to do, I quickly said yes and joined the gym with him. Now, almost two years later, I love going to the gym and working out, whether it be with a friend or by myself.

Work is just a small step that has impacted my life in a positive way. Working has enhanced my personality and helped me use my time efficiently as well as balance academics and other activities; a skill I hope to use in college. In college I look forward to many new opportunities to open up for me from sports to traveling and meeting new people.

Undergraduate / 'Steve Jobs had an affect on me' - influential person Common App [2]

Hi, i need help with re-reading my essay for the common app personal essay. there are 2 categories i can fit this in i think. can you please read the topics and the essay, and give me your feedback with any changes you guys recommend. thanks alot for you help

Option #3. Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

or
Option #4. Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

Steve Jobs once said "Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle." As a young shy boy from Brooklyn, New York, this one quote from Steve Jobs has changed the way I believe and see opportunities. Thinking the world is a small place and that there are not many opportunities out there that I can pursue and accomplish, I was ready to give up and settle for what I was receiving, until I heard about Steve Jobs' "story" and his road to success.

Steve, a boy who was given up for adoption at birth by his parents, believed that there was more to life, and when you persuade something you love and passion, you will be able to reach the highest point. That's exactly what he managed to do. Steve launched one of the largest industries of the past decade creating phenomenal computers, phones, music devices and personal tablets. He saw genius in his craziness, believed in himself, believed in his vision and he was constantly prepared to defend those ideas. He would ask himself every morning 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?'

A way Steve has affected me is by changing the way I see new obstacles and my way of approaching them. His wise words have taught me to put my heart in everything I do, even if it may not be appealing at first, it gets better later on with rewards that are outstanding. Always approaching the world with a smile and a positive attitude can lead to great success.

While at my first karate promotion, I had gotten to the point where I felt as if I had screwed up tremendously and there was no way I would be promoted to the next belt and that I should just quit now. But, remembering Steve Jobs' quote, I had thought to myself that if I was to give up at this moment, I might never be able to reach that black belt I am dreaming for and tomorrow when I wake up, I will regret this moment and wish I could come back and change it. You can't change your past but you can always show improvement for the future. With that in mind, I used every last bit of energy I had, and with a little bit of passion, I was able to complete the remaining tasks and take my blue belt home with me.

Undergraduate / 'where I was and what I was doing there' - Short Answer for Common App [6]

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(1000 characters or fewer).

Countless thoughts raced through my mind as I tried to comprehend where I was and what I was doing there. It was my first day as the cashier at the family store. I regret waiting until freshman year of high school to take this opportunity for it helped me develop as a person tremendously. By simply helping customers to find what they needed and giving back them their change, helped me break out of that shyness "shell" I had been living in. The simple "thank you" and "have a nice night" quickly changed into "how was your day" to "do you have anything special planned for the weekend" and other conversation starters that made me feel more than just some shy kid working somewhere. It was this practice that made me a person who is no longer afraid to talk to people, help them out, and approach new experiences. Working at the family store has become more than just a job, but something I enjoy as it helps me meet new people and learn about their lives.

other then grammer. is there anything i should change or add to it? is it elabroating on my work experience? thanks alot for your help