Undergraduate / 'sharing a goal common to many immigrants' - Help OSU short answer [3]

Consider your talents and strengths, academic and otherwise. What is one thing you do really well?

Any lack of ideas, reorganizations, comments, criticism, grammar mistakes will be appreciated, Thanks!!

My story began in the outskirts of Seoul, South Korea. My parents came to America sharing a goal common to many immigrants; to provide a better opportunity for my sister and me. Living in America allowed me to experience the world from different views. As I grew up, I began to realize how lucky I was. Long ago, Korea was a united nation which meant that I could have as easily been born in North Korea instead of South Korea. I could have easily been born into a family who was controlled by a despot. My life would have been entirely different had that happened. Through this realization, it inspired me to do what is in my power to help those who were not as lucky as I was. My goal started small as I joined the local volunteer club, Project Help, during my freshman year. I periodically took part in various ribbon sales held to raise money for the needy and helped sort the clothes collected during a clothing drive. While my high school career progressed, my involvement with Project Help increased significantly. I became an active member of the group and continuously devoted my time to plan and chair events, participate variety of fundraisers, and the walks. Helping and becoming friends with people has been two of my greatest strengths.

Undergraduate / 'I love to play the piano, even though I play terribly.' - Comman Application [3]

Thank you!! Any harsh criticism would be appreciated. I will defiantly return the favor!!

TOPIC OF YOUR CHOICE:

Piano

I love to play the piano, even though I play terribly.

However, the idea of embracing my weakness was alien to me. I rarely agreed to play games of basketball, chess, or scrabble because I felt inadequate. This philosophy has shaped me into a picky sourpuss.

But, one day as I neared my house, an angelic sound grabbed my soul and guided me home. Once inside, the magic of the sound drew my curiosity as I walked toward the living room. Afraid that the beautiful musical notes would stop, I tip toed and peeked in. My sister was sitting and leaning over a large, polished wooden object. As her fingers came down on the ivory white and charcoal black keys, the music came out like a morning bird, beautiful and soft. In awe of the device in front of me, my mouth shaped into an oval.

As I stumbled closer, the scent of new wood grew stronger. Before long, my sister and my eyes met, and the room was filled with the ticking sound of our living room clock.

"Where did you get this?" I asked.

With a tired voice she responded, " mom bought it for me as a birthday present."

After she headed in to her room, nothing was standing in the way of me and the piano. I quickly sat down. With a smile, my fingers came down on the keys and the piano sang. Feeling a chill running up my back, I pressed the notes from left the right, making a sound similar to ascending stairs. I tried to imitate the song my sister had just played. In my head, I heard the song. Each key I hit sounded right, and I felt unstoppable. I ran to my sister and asked her if she liked my song. She told me that it sounded like a dying car. My will to play crumbled like a tower of blocks.

I tried to forget about the piano, but whenever I heard music my hands started to itch. Before long, I went back to the piano. With a small sigh, I got into position to play Rivers Flow by Yiruma. But unfortunately, all I heard was a string of jumbled notes. Suddenly, I remembered that my sister had a copy of Yiruma's Piano Album. After flipping through half the book, I finally found the piece. When I took a look at the music sheet, I was dumbfounded. The sheet was like a riddle or a puzzle, full of confusing symbols that I had to solve. Using pencils and stickers, I started to decode the piece.

The piano not only sang music, but it also taught me that I did not have to be good at something to like it. I was once arrogant about learning chess, but after practicing and playing the game, it became one of my favorite hobbies. My family still criticizes my piano-playing, but when I play the thirty measures of Rivers Flow, I always get the last smile.

SHORT ANSWER

It was Wednesday as the school bell gave out its last ring of the day. I quickly packed my
physics notes and headed toward the Project Help meeting room. There I was greeted by some board members, friends and our supervising director. As I scouted the room, I saw couple familiar and new underclassmen. As soon as the minute hand reached the twelve mark, me and couple other people took the rakes, trash bags, and brooms to tidy up our school's court yard. Once I saw that everyone was doing their work, I went inside to help with the banners. As I walked in, couple members came up to me to double check the time and date for the banners. The banners were mainly used to inform non-Project Help members to participate in the Alzheimer's walk, Autism Walk, Spring Cleaning, Breast Cancer Drive, Back Stoppers, Kids Smart, and more. As I finished painting the letter i on Clothing Drive, the four o clock bell rang as couple members slowly got their backpacks and headed toward the entrance. As soon as I greeted the last member to leave, I sat back down to paint the letter v.

Undergraduate / 'I tried to forget the piano' Topic of your Choice [2]

Hi everyone happy holidays! I finally finished my common app essay and I am hoping for some harsh criticism and some tips. Thank you so much!!!

The Piano

I love to play the piano, even though I'm bad at it.

However, when I was a teenager, the very idea of loving my weakness was very alien to me. I would always refuse to play a game of basketball, scrabble, and even a little sudoku puzzle because I was simply inadequate. This form of philosophy shaped me into a picky sourpuss.

But, one day as I was walking home, a familiar angelic sound grabbed my soul as it lured me home. When I entered my dwelling, I felt the sadness of the music sink into my body and circulate around my veins. The magic of the sound drew my curiosity as I slowly walked toward the living room. Afraid that this was a dream and one wrong step would wake me up, I silently tip toed and peeked in. My sister, dressed in her pajamas, was sitting on a bench shaped seat, leaning over a large wooden shape object, with the word Yamaha. As her fingers came down on the keys on the ivory white, charcoal black decorated keys, the music came out like a morning bird, beautiful and soft. I was awed at the device in front of me as my mouth shaped into a little oval.

As the great majestic wood became larger, my sister and my eyes met and the room was filled with "tick-tocks" from our living room clock. Before I said a word, she huffed a yawn and headed toward her room. "Where did you get this?" I asked, and with a tired voice she responded "mom bought it for me as surprise birthday present", with that I heard the door shut. With nothing else standing between me and the piano, I quickly sat down. With a smile, my finger came down on the middle white bar and the piano sang. Feeling a chill running up my back, I pressed the notes from left the right, making a sound similar to an ascending stairs. Then I tried to imitate the song I heard from my sister. In my head, I heard the song. Each key I hit sounded right, and I felt unstoppable. I ran to my sister and asked her if she liked my song. For a second, she looked at me as if I was a some obnoxious child, but then she told me that it sounded like a dying car. My will to play crumbled like a tower of blocks, and immediately I began to feel the familiar pain of as if someone had just punched me in the stomach.

Next day, I tried to forget the piano by occupying myself with music- it was not a good idea because in minutes I ran to the piano to try and play Yesterday by the Beatles. After an unsuccessful hour, I came back to reality. Staring blankly at the empty music sheet, I knew I could not just jump ten levels ahead of myself, so I started off by learning how to play something very low level, like Twinkle Twinkle little star. But it took me a while because I had to look down at my hands most of the time, and I memorized the fingering of the music so that I didn't have to look at the music sheet. When I succeeded playing the Twinkle star, I tried to play Rivers Flow in You by Yiruma, one of my favorite piano songs, but I only managed to learn the first ten measure of the music.

The piano became something more than an object; it became a friend for me, a friend that sang my emotions and my day. Even though I would stomp away from the piano couple times, I was always right back to the seat the very next moment, trying to figure out the mysterious symbol that lied in front of me. Some people might have called it "wasting your time" but for me, figuring out these complicated notes was really ecstatic because every time I identified a new note, it was only another step closer to solving the whole puzzle.

Undergraduate / 'Happiness on a Platter' - Common App, Activitie Short Answer [4]

Hi this is my common app essay and I was wondering if this is good/decent/bad. Please I need honest review

Thank you so much!!!

Happiness on a Platter

With all the ingredients laid out in a symphony of delicious colors, its amazing what you can make. For me, cooking is not a task, instead, it is a pass for me to explore a world filled with ideas and possibilities. As I pour the fresh tomato sauce into the pot, the odor of delicacy tickles my nose and I can only imagine what I could add. I start off by adding my favorite ingredients: shrimp, broccoli, carrots, onions, garlic. However, while stirring my sauce, a long green hook vegetable catches the corner of my eye. As I debated, whether or not I should try spicing up my dish, the further I thought, my curiosity only grew. In the end, I sliced the jalapeno pepper and dropped it into my pot. After I poured my tomato sauce onto my noodles, doubt started to fog my mind. Without any hesitation, I picked up my fork and got a good swirl of noodles and placed it in my mouth. My taste bud turned into a sky full of fireworks as each bite sparked in my mouth. As the spiciness abated in my mouth, my feeling of success penetrated my feeling of doubt as I reached down for a second bite.