moon05
Dec 7, 2012
Undergraduate / My physics teacher, the person who made an impact on me; UT Austin essay [4]
Aren't you trying to say that whoever is creating an impact on you is a catalyst? If, then here it should be Mr. Porter not the time of your 9th grade.
Rephrase and change a little. Are you implying that, whatever he did rather than these two things were not right? You should be positive toward him as you are thinking his contribution is important in your life!
Give it another look. Rephrasing needed.
The first line "A catalyst": it's good for a grabber. As you have added this you should also add something attractive in the last para, it's alike you are also ending the whole thing with something nice...
Throughout my short, shortvery short life I have had several people that I have admired and strived to be like.
But the most important impact on me was the firstone that I had in my academic life.
If anyone was the catalyst to my progress as a proactive student, it was Mr. Porter in 9th grade .
Aren't you trying to say that whoever is creating an impact on you is a catalyst? If, then here it should be Mr. Porter not the time of your 9th grade.
Really there were only two things that he did right as my teacher to push me into taking my education into my own hands.
Rephrase and change a little. Are you implying that, whatever he did rather than these two things were not right? You should be positive toward him as you are thinking his contribution is important in your life!
The first thing was the conduct of his lessons which easily provided me with knowledge. I remember one of my earliest lessons in physics; Mr Porter had positioned himself in front of the class on the far right end of a line of 6 students. Left and right of me, the faces of my 9th grade physics classmates lit up to the prospect of 6 burly rugby boys dancing on the spot - bumping into each other down the line, attempting to simulate what happens when particles heat up from one end of a metal rod. That was just the kind of teacher he was.
Give it another look. Rephrasing needed.
The second and the most important thing he did, was to dedicate himself to my learning on a personal level.
The two things that I recognized seems simple enough and common place nowadays, but if I hadn't been introduced to Mr Porter when I did in 9th grade I don't think I would be taking my learning as seriously as I do today.
The first line "A catalyst": it's good for a grabber. As you have added this you should also add something attractive in the last para, it's alike you are also ending the whole thing with something nice...
