Undergraduate / 'my cute 8 month old younger sister' - something you do for the pleasure of it [3]

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)

I love being with or thinking about my cute 8 month old younger sister. In the past times, I usually spent most of my time at school, enrolling in many activities. But now I hurry to my home because of that little creature. No matter how stressed, depressed or tired I am, she always makes me feel energized and happy. Day to day, she grows and learns new things. She now learned little tricks and sheds crocodile tears to get my attention. Her big eyes, scrubby hair, tiny hands, two little teeth and everything is adorable. She always fills me with joy

Writing Feedback / Silent danger - essay [2]

Guys!!! What do you think of my essay?
Is it too long and boring? I will appreciate all of your help and just tell the truth even if it is harsh. Please help me!!! I am in total confusion and deadline is approaching!! Whoaaa!!

Silent danger
I was out of breath, but still running to escape from the 2 big men, following me. I had no other choice to leave my dear bag as it was making me heavy and the footsteps were becoming distinct. I was extremely terrified and my body was shivering. I exerted all the remained strength and headed forward.

Actually, this day was usual winter day from the beginning. I went to school and attended my extracurricular activities. I was a bit late and everything was dark when I left school. I was walking to my home from the bus stop in a wonderful atmosphere, with snow flake coming from the sky and gentle breeze blowing the cheek.

As there was nobody around me, I felt little strange, but since it was the road I almost every day walk through, I was relaxed. Everything was OK until I saw a small car approaching towards me. The car slowed down and stopped right next to me. The back window of the car descended and one man emitted his head and said ''Wanna take a ride?'', I suddenly felt something was going wrong. In the dark street, obviously two or more people driving a car, (I exactly couldn't count the number as the windows had black centerfold. There were 2 following me, one driving a car) asked 14 year-old teenage girl if she would take a ride? My heart told me to run and I just ran through the pedestrian path since this scene coincided the recently broadened silent danger in my country, human trafficking.

As the victims said, awful human trafficking criminal groups drag the girls into their cars and stupefy. Girls wake up in the basement of the unfamiliar buildings and became the victims of that silent danger, human trafficking. By the approximate estimate, at that time over 150 girls were lost and only 8 of them were found. But no one knows the exact number. Some members of the group only bring the girls and some of them do the jobs of selling girls like merchandise.

Just like the purported usual scene, 2 of the group members followed me. Maybe they weren't the part of the criminal group, but they undoubtedly had the intention to harm me. This was the incident that happened to me.

I never imagined that someday I would face this kind of danger and would be escaping from the 2 terrifying big creatures who have human figures outside, but beasts with no feeling inside.

My heart was beating extremely fast like as if it was to explode.
In those running moments, my aspirations and wishes all were revolving in my head. My mother was in foreign country, working as a cleaner and nanny in other people's house and my father was also trying hard, working two shift, as a taxi driver and carpenter. If I got caught, then what would happen to my wish of making my dear parents live happily? What would happen to my wish of becoming a rich person to help poor people? As I more remembered these things, the more I forced myself.

Even though I am not very fast, I was very fast on that day with the help of my dreams and aspirations. I didn't stop until I stepped my door step. The joy of coming home safe was ineffable. I right burst into tears because of the happiness.

Even though the danger experience always makes me feel the fear I experienced, it also made my goals more broadened.
I, myself, could have been one of the victims of silent danger, or ravishment. I could be lost. Then, maybe today I won't be writing this application essay. Therefore, I want to dedicate my life also in helping the victims. The silent danger's victims are more becoming numerous, and yet there are no big victim specialized centers exist. Furthermore, because of the lack of psychologist in my country, 90% of the victims do suicide.

The futures of the many other young girls are also in danger. They are living in the dangerous situation. I want to save many victims' lives and also, protect my country's beautiful young girls from silent danger, with the help of the knowledge I will receive in College.

Undergraduate / 'Mistake' - Common app international student [4]

Hey all!!! Please help me with my essay!!! Please read my essay and edit the grammar mistakes. Furthermore, how much would you give my essay out of 10 points. Should I write another essay?

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Mistake
When I was waiting for the taxi with my father to go home, I felt grateful to the hospital where we left. I was no more the person who entered this hospital a month ago. This one month period changed my whole perspective on life drastically.

My father almost lost his left hand because of the electric saw and his situation was hard since he bled a lot while coming to the hospital. The hands which were together the day ago were no longer together. My father became half-disabled person who can't tie his shoes or hold knife and fork together. His situation was hard and needed guardian. My mother was pregnant and this incident made her the only working person in my family. Since this accident happened right before I was to enter university, I decided to take a half year leave from the university to look after my father. The most important thing for me was my parents who dedicated everything for me. I remember so clearly the days when my father had a hole in his shoe sole and my mother had only 2 shift clothes. They spent all the money they had to educate and nourish my brother and me, not caring themselves.

But God was unfair. It seemed as if he doomed my life to affliction and failure. My relationship and personal goals were all debacle. I pursued mathematics from the time I first entered school and since worked hard. I couldn't achieve the dream I have wanted for my life to become the champion of National Mathematical Olympiads and to take medal from IMO. But all my efforts were vain. I took mini prizes, but I lost the grand prize. Furthermore, all my relationships failed. The boy I constantly loved for whole 4 years abandoned me and started going out with my best friend whom I trusted and loved so much. I became completely hopeless and had no inspiration to live, because I faced affliction and failure step by step. But I didn't dare to do something stupid since I had my happy family. I didn't want to torment my parents. We suffered hard to reach happiness. My mother was abroad to earn money for 6 years. When we just started living together happily, the God again tormented me by making my beloved father half-disabled. I lost trust in God. Some pretty girls live happily, with no torment and financial difficulty, and even some of them make great accomplishment. Life was unfair!!!

My father and I stayed at the hospital for a month. But this one month was life changing experience. As the days passed, I gradually became happy not only because my father's situation got better but also because I learned great lesson. I saw people with no hands or no foot, but they were smiling from their heart. They had inspiration to live. But I was so wrong to think that I have nothing. I have everything. I have eyes to see, hands to lift and foot to go. I have happy family. But I was dooming myself to failure. I always saw the bad sides of the events and gave up in front of the obstacles. I tried to escape from the obstacles by creating many causes. Since I didn't want to submit my mistake, the mistake happened again and again.

I didn't love myself properly, yet wanted other people to love me. Furthermore, I didn't believe in myself nor esteem the accomplishments all I had. I always undervalued the things I had. Moreover, I wasn't successful because I always feared from being unsuccessful. Even though I dreamed to make accomplishments, I didn't really believe in my strength ability. I had no confidence in myself.

As I realized my mistake and started learning from it, I became totally different person with the help of my father's accident. My father was physically ill, I was mentally ill when we first entered the hospital. But now we are both healthy. I learned loving and respecting myself. I started to see the beautiful and positive side of the events. Furthermore, I learned having courage, not being afraid of being unsuccessful. All people make mistakes. But the winner is the one who is not afraid of making mistake and who can make the mistake the start of the future success.