Undergraduate / Extra Curricular essay: Hope / Doubt [2]

Doubt. It is what I saw in her eyes; the eyes of the girl whose race mine was supposed to hate. The civil war that had ravaged my country had come to an end, but the scars it had left behind were yet to be healed. Our conference towards reconciliation aimed to do this job. It had been hard work organizing it, but the real challenge, we knew, was yet to come. Being the leader of a group of individuals that consisted of all of Sri Lanka's ethnicities; some of whose language I could neither speak nor understand, was not an easy task. Prashani, a young girl who had been brought up in the heart of the war had been taught since childhood that my race was not one to be trusted.

Four days later, it is the Cultural Night at camp and she indicates she wants me to wear her traditional dress. It is her way of saying she has accepted me; I learn that it is more poignant than any words that could have been spoken. As she carefully places a 'mottu' on my forehead, she smiles at me. I see a flash of hope.

Does it work as an extra curricular essay? Comments greatly appreciated, I will return the favour!

Undergraduate / Common App Essay: To fly or not to fly [3]

Do you think it works? Any comments are greatly appreciated.

Like every other child in the world, when I was young, I wanted to fly. Inspired by my favorite cartoon character; Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story, I would spread my arms and imagine soaring over the rooftops looking down on the intricate details of the ethereal world below. However, my youthful dreams were not to be long lived, and unfortunately for me, I was forced to come to terms with reality quite early in my life. I was seven years old when I accidentally fell off a first floor balcony. For a few moments, my family thought I'd died and needless to say, it was quite a traumatic experience for all parties involved, but I managed to escape unscathed. I had a cast on my leg, but seven year old me recognized that as more of a trophy of recognition for bravery than a symbol of misfortune.

While the claim that this experience, one that I had absolutely no control over, was one of the most telling moments of my life might undoubtedly seem somewhat absurd, I choose to do so because of the simple reason that in many ways, it effectively epitomizes the underlying approach I have always had towards life.

I consider myself an incredibly fortunate individual; and I don't make that assertion simply because of the knowledge that I fell off a twenty foot high balcony and survived. Ever since I was a young girl, my parents have showed me that the things I had in my life were not things I could take for granted. I have always lived with the knowledge that, whether it is the materialistic possessions; the roof over my head, the clothes I wear, the meals I have, or even simply the experiences I have each day, each aspect of my life is something to be valued. Whether the good times or the potential tragedies, I treasure each experience with the same sense of pervading happiness that stems from the simple reason that I have so much to appreciate.

I learned that most of the time, I don't have any control over the circumstances of my life. There will be moments when life knocks me down- possibly quite literally; and these are not things that I am able to change. But with each fall, I get back up, stronger and taller than I was before, more ready than ever to face any new obstacle that may lie ahead. The ability to react to these situations and the power to overcome them lies entirely in my hands. I know that, in being able to appreciate the things I have for what they are, I am able to open myself to a new realm of possibilities. My dreams of ever being able to fly might have been prematurely shattered but I know that, if I play my cards right, I have a free ride to contentment, and it'll take me there before I can say 'To infinity and beyond!'

Undergraduate / 'in the middle of a war zone' - Common App extra curricular essay [5]

Hi, I'm trying to see if this works as an extra curricular essay although it's a bit of a different approach. Any comments are really appreciated and I value your opinions! Many many thanks in advance.

I am in the middle of a war zone. The air is thick with cries of battle and the enemy surrounds me from all four sides, their expressions unforgiving. Suddenly, they all turn to face me. I realize I have been selected as the next victim. I tremble as the missile is launched in my direction, and instinctively bring my hands up over my face to defend myself. I manage only just to avoid it-I hear a thump as the basketball falls to the ground.

I cannot handle a basketball to save my life. And yet, during the Inter House Basketball Tournament at my school, I found myself taking part; simply due to the reason that our House would not have enough people otherwise. This memory is not one of victory. In fact, we had placed last, with me having falling flat on the ground more than once in the middle of the game. But we hadn't been in it to win it. Our participation had been enough, and as I recall our expressions of laughter, none of us upset about our loss, it makes me realize that sometimes, it's not about winning; sometimes it's about being a team player and taking one for the team; sometimes, it's about molding your own happiness.

Undergraduate / 'No Buzz Lightning' - Common App Personal Statement [6]

Any advice or critique as to how I could edit it, (it's a bit on the long side right now) is really appreciated! I will make sure I give my humble opinion on any of your essays to say thanks! But thanks in advance, in any case! :)

It is any child's dream to be able to fly. Most keep that spark of hope alive for as long as they possibly can; many through most of their childhood. Unfortunately for me, I had to come to terms with reality quite early in my life...and it wasn't in the easy way. I was seven years old when I accidently fell off a first-floor balcony. Needless to say, it was quite a traumatic experience for me, certainly more so for my family, but I managed to escape unscathed... except for the cast on my leg, but seven year old me counted that as more of a trophy of recognition for my bravery than a symbol of my misfortune. It was just another experience in my life, and yet, I know it was significant. While I acknowledge that the claim that this experience, one that I had absolutely no control over, was one of the most telling moments of my life might undoubtedly seem somewhat absurd, I chose to do so because of the simple reason that in many ways, it effectively epitomizes the underlying approach I have always had towards my life.

I am an incredibly fortunate individual. I don't make that assertion simply because of the knowledge that I fell off a twenty foot high balcony and survived. Ever since I was a young girl, my parents had never had any inhibition in illustrating to me that the things I had in my life were not things I could take for granted. I have always lived with the knowledge that, whether it is the materialistic possessions; the roof over my head, the clothes I wear, the meals I have, or even simply the experiences I have each day, each aspect of my life is something to be valued. For this reason, I have always tried, whatever the situation, to treasure the simple things in my life. Whether the good times or the potential tragedies, I treasure each experience with the same sense of pervading happiness that stems from the simple reason that I have so much to appreciate.

I remember smiling during a moment of triumph. My team and I had just won the Annual Drama Competition at our school, after two months of dedicated hard work. The entire twenty minute musical had been written, directed and choreographed by myself and my fellow Head Prefect and remembering the expression on our faces as we lifted that trophy makes me relive that moment each time; the pride and the unmitigated happiness we felt at that moment was undeniably something to be treasured.

I remember enjoying with the same intensity a moment of loss. It was the Inter House Basketball Tournament at my school and I, though no sportswoman myself, had agreed to take part simply due to the reason that our House would not have enough people otherwise. The fact that they had asked me to join the team clearly proved to me their level of desperation; they weren't in it to win it. This memory is not one of victory. In fact, we had placed last, with me having fallen flat on the ground more than once in the middle of the game. But remembering our expressions of laughter as we discussed those funny moments, none of us upset about our loss makes me realize each time the power each individual has to mold their own happiness.

I know that most of the time, I don't have any control over the circumstances of my life. Whether it's falling off balconies or being unfortunate enough to be born without a trace of any kind of sporting ability, some things I know that I am not able to change. And yet, the ability to react to these situations and the power to change my outlook when faced with them lies entirely in my hands. I know that, in being able to appreciate the things I have for what they are, I am able to open myself to a new realm of possibilities. My dreams of ever being able to fly might have been prematurely shattered but I know that, if I play my cards right, I have a free ride to contentment, and it'll take me there before I can say 'To infinity and beyond!'