I appreciate all your comments:) Let me know what you think of this...I wrote it as one fat paragraph because, well, that's the way it has to be pasted into the common app :)
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.
Dear Roommate: During the car ride here, I passed the time talking to my brother. It made me reflect how growing up with him has taught me humility, maturity, and selflessness. We've actually come a long way to respecting each other more as friends in and outside school. I know it'll be the same for you and me. The violin next to you; it represents teamwork to me. In church worship team, I would improvise guitar chords into beautiful violin harmonies to match the music. I was part of that team and I knew helped the band sound great. You'll find a team player in me, not a perfect one, but a passionate one. Speaking of passion, do you like to eat? At Chinese restaurants I have fun ordering food in my Americanized accent-Chinese. In the past, I couldn't communicate fluently with others in Asia, which motivated me to learn Chinese just to regain that piece of my culture. I look forward to the fun we'll have if we try cooking the cultural foods of our different houses, though I must warn you: I know how to eat my culture's food far better than I can even begin making it. Don't worry about feshman-15. I enjoy being outdoors, whether jogging alone, or playing group sports with my friends. Nature's irregularity, if not beauty, captivates me and makes me enjoy being outside. I do love long strolls on the beach, or anywhere, for that matter, and I'd get outdoor exercise with you any day. As for food for thought, I can't wait to read college-level fiction. I like talking about books with others, even just to discuss which characters we find dumb. With our massive intellects, our discussions could end up truly profound. Just for starters: Wuthering Heights or Jane Eyre? I say Wuthering Heights; girl, not even Jane could outdo a character like Heathcliff, but feel free to differ. If "Two is better than one", then being roommates already makes us 100% better. If "When one falls, the other can pick him up," then I'm glad we'll later understand a lot more what this means.
It made me reflect on how growing up with him has taught me humility, maturity, and selflessness.
We've actually come a long way to respecting each other more as friends, in and outside school.
I was part of that team and I knew it helped the band sound great.
You'll find a team player in me, not a perfect one, but a passionate one.---This is great!
Don't worry about freshman -15.
I like your essay! It shows your compassion, sense of humor, and intelligence. Good luck with school and have fun!
I like it! I would read over certain parts out loud to see if you can re-word them a little to make them flow better, but I really enjoyed reading it! You explain about yourself and show your strengths and humor, but are also modest about it. I really like the ending.
I'm writing this essay soon too. Although it might be awhile before it's up, if you happen to see it, I would love any comments!
Sure! No problem...hehe maybe come message me when its up too:)
And thanks...don't worry though, mine started as a mess...you can still see some of it by the way the flow is a bit jerky ...but brainstorming and stuff really helps :)
I really like that it is personal and real . I can see you within/beyond the lines; however, i think that it is typical like all of the others on the EssayForum nothing makes you stand out from this pool of applicants ... You need to write something that makes you stand out not just to be personal
Best of Luck,
PS: Won't you mine reading my essay ... stanford ... what matters to u & y ? .. Your feedback please ...
i really like it. but if possible, make it a few paragraphs instead of just one...
some help on mine would be great - everyone :)
Truly loved it. It's very personal and brings that added bit of creativity and added humor. Although, the question 'Do you like to eat' seems a bit redundant, I mean who doesn't! How about something more along the lines of 'I hope you like to eat Chinese' or something along those lines. Overall, amazing essay, you're a great writer!
Thanks for the comments all of you! They were all really helpful to help me improve some areas and aspects of it
And flafi120 and andrew kwok: sure it's be glad to read yours too:)