Undergraduate / 'curious to learn about the history of my area' - MIt essay world you come from [5]

can any one fix it for grammar .becoz i am reallly bad at it.
also any thing seeming redundant?? becoz i am out of limit already
is it understandable .any kind of harsh criticism is welcomed :)
Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

I was born in the Old city of Lahore , under the shadow of grand walls of Royal fort. "Had the timing a little bit of the past and I was born inside the fort ,I might be a prince ,sitting beside the Mughal emperor, Akbar the great", I used to day dream while resting on the deserted marble throne placed in the Darbaar e Aam. But things were different. I was born today; not inside the fort but in its vicinity in the Diamond market, famously known as Shahi Mohala.

This market does not sell diamonds as it appears from the name. It is infact the ancient red light district of Lahore.
Its narrow streets sleep during the daytime but awake at night. In the darkness, music oozes out of several small houses. Pretty girls wait for customers in the street level rooms of their wooden houses, the shutter doors wide open (a closed door implied a customer inside). Ghungroos, the dark silver bells sewn onto velvet and strapped around the ankle and calve, tinkle as girls restlessly tap their feet while waiting for customers who saunter amidst compost heaps, drug pushers and users, vendors hawking jasmines and red roses and eateries selling freshly prepared, hot food.

As I grew older my father, worried about my education ,and to provide me a "clean environment" , sent me to DPS, one of the finest schools of Lahore. The atmosphere there was new for me, folks with totally different kind of mindset. I usually avoid telling anybody where I am from; else he would become suspicious of my parenting. A hidden embarrassment surrounded me. I started hating myself. It continued in the same way until I went to college, where I, curious to learn about the history of my area, read about it.

This place was once a nursery of music and classic dance, celebrated for its stately courtesans whose poetry, dance and etiquettes were sought after by princes, Nawabs and dignitaries .Famed artists lived here depicted by the fact that it is among the few precincts of the old walled city that has name plates on the houses. Even today, the purity and the articulateness of language of its people is incomparable.

From that day onwards I was no more fearful, no more hesitant to speak about my hometown because I knew that I belong to a culture, a heritage dating back to centuries. I may not become a prince but I have their legacy, their norms, their history ,a source of great inspiration for me.

Undergraduate / MIT short essays "activity for pleasure" and "worst challenge" [4]

please critique whether my responses make sense .i mean understandable.
also please check it for grammar because i am not good at it.i seems there are redundant phrases .but i dont know how to screw them

all kind of comments are welcomed
help me with mine , i will read yours...

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)

In my leisure time ,i just sneak out of my house for a casual walk in the city streets mostly at night. People in my mohalla have become familiar with my routine and even dogs don't mind being disturbed by my steps.I wander in the convoluted and picturesque streets of my city Lahore_once referred to as the Garden of Mughals.For me ,stepping into its winding lanes is like stepping back in time.The intensity of nostalgic feelings while sipping traditional Kashmiri pink tea in the nightly symphony of lights in some antique kiosk while observing the artistic grandeur's of ages old structures is simply unbearable.The peculiar smell of the city's ancient soil take me to an ecstatic world, free from the restrictions of space of time.

Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation? (200-250 words)

A flash from my childhood, the result announcement day of my two class .I had obtained an overall first position and was extremely happy . But wait...my mother was looking at me somewhat worried while talking with my class teacher. Later I came to know my teacher was telling her about my attitude in the class;an extremely careless one.

Another flashback. Morning ,27 January 2011 . I went to the SAT test centre, already late.The administrator hurriedly took my passport, matched my photo but then frowned "WHATS THIS?" ,comparing my circled name on the admission ticket with that on passport. The names were not same on the two. "you are not allowed to take the test" , said the person with a spot face. And I was not.

January test date was the last possible test date for which I registered for MIT application 2010,and no tests meant straight rejection .I was split and broken .I wept bitterly for days. This was the worst dilemma for me until I realized that I crushed my dreams with my own hands: my own carelessness.

I changed my routine this time. I managed to keep myself busy in useful activities ,started doing extra chores around the house, helped mother in the kitchen and taught individual tuitions ,first time did an internship. Contrary to my previous 11th hour application filling and registration of the last possible sat test date , I started early and also registered for tests on early date. Right now if someone would asked me how I am preparing for my application , I would say "yes I am preparing for it. and preparing for it carefully " .

Undergraduate / MIT essay ,choice of major... [4]

Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (*) (100 words or fewer)??

here are my two responses of this prompt:-

1)At MIT ,I will opt for chemistry with a minor in biology. I enjoyed organic chemistry in my highschool. I liked the order in the subject and the power it gave me to create new molecules.Later on when I saw these organic molecules coming to action in form of viruses I was stunned. But it occurred to me that if viruses are a product of order then there is a similar order which could destroy them. So,My goal in mit would be to develop such kind of an order:a molecular compound which could compromise the integrity of Virus ,particularly Dengue virus on which I am currently researching, while taking equal benefit from Dr. Todd Rider's research at Lincoln Laboratories on recently developed antiviral therapeutics.

2)I have a natural inclination towards chemistry because of my fascination with colors.In my 9th grade chemistry lab when I saw these colours in action _the purple fumes, pinkish shades, greenish spirals spreading slowly in the water_i was just baffled.Later on I came to know this magic is called experimentation,the beauty of chemistry. Every new experiment I did in high school brought new excitement for me and a feeling like that of Santiago of Alchemist:sometimes puzzled, sometimes startled and sometimes enlightened.This feeling will continue to act as a stimulus for me in extending my own research on dengue while taking benefit from Dr. Todd Rider's research at Lincoln Laboratories on new antiviral therapeutics in developing a molecular compound which could compromise the structural integrity of virus.

Comment ,which one is better?? can any one check it for grammar because i am really poor at it.please also critique if there is any flaw in terms of ideas or any redundancy.Harsh criticism is welcomed.