Kielbasy
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / Extracurricular essay on volunteering! Any help is appreciated!! [3]
Your essay is well-written. It might need improvement grammar-wise, like, as BillyIon said, in transitions, but I'm addressing a different issue.
My qualm is the content. I can see that you care a lot of children, especially those who "struggle" with Down Syndrome. A very close friend of mine, though, actually has Down Syndrome. Perhaps we have different perspectives, but I don't see his laughter as a cover-up for his struggles. It's genuine mirth.
Again, your essay is good. I just don't want you to come across as pitying them. It might give a bad impression to a reader like me.
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Answer mine?
Your essay is well-written. It might need improvement grammar-wise, like, as BillyIon said, in transitions, but I'm addressing a different issue.
My qualm is the content. I can see that you care a lot of children, especially those who "struggle" with Down Syndrome. A very close friend of mine, though, actually has Down Syndrome. Perhaps we have different perspectives, but I don't see his laughter as a cover-up for his struggles. It's genuine mirth.
Again, your essay is good. I just don't want you to come across as pitying them. It might give a bad impression to a reader like me.
- - - - -
Answer mine?