Undergraduate / 'I want to be remembered' - NYU SUPS [11]

PROMT: Regardless of whether or not you have an intended major or concentration, please elaborate on an academic area of interest and how you wish to explore it at NYU's campuses in New York or Abu Dhabi or at one of our global academic centers around the world. Please share any activities or experiences you have had that have cultivated your intellectual interests leading you to choose to study at the NYU campus of your choice.

I need to cut it to 1500 characters and this is way too long :(

I want to be remembered. I have always wanted my future occupation to be not only beneficial to society but also impactful to the world. Growing up in New York City, the financial capital of the world, I realize how critically the economy can affect everyday life. In the last few years, I noticed that a lot of people became unemployed. Sleeping during the subway commute on the way to school became impossible. It was bound to be disturbed by homeless people asking for help. At first I was annoyed and I did not understand why they were asking for help on the subway instead of looking for a job. They looked capable enough to me. So, I did not pay much attention to their speeches.

The breaking down of a willing and capable worker changed my opinion. It was another ordinary weekday when a tanned and muscular man boarded the subway. He wore a Yankees cap, black baggy jeans, and a wrinkled shirt that was tainted by different shades of paint flakes. Standing at least 6 feet tall, this man's presence demanded respect. He grabbed the bar to avoid falling as the train burst into motion. His head turned left and right as if he was confused. After moments of hesitation, he took off his cap, covered his mouth and cleared his throat. No response. He licked his upper lip and did it louder again. This time, the rest of the train looked up. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, looking for the right words. At last, in a loud and polite voice, he explained he was fired from the construction site and he can't afford food for his 2 year-old child. He asked for help and stated that both change and food would be greatly appreciated. He let go of the grip of the bar, leaving a wet handprint, and staggered across the train. As he approached, the passengers looked away and pretended to sleep. Halfway across the train, his cap remained empty. He cried. He looked up to stop the tears from escaping his eyes. He remained still until the train reached the next stop, then he ran out.

In this dreadful economy, people cannot afford daily necessities not because they are lazy but they simply cannot find a job. There will be will economic policies. I want to be part of that pivotal point of American economy. I want to contribute to that change.

Undergraduate / 'Unlike many others, I truly enjoy volunteering' - EXTRACURRICULAR SHORT ESSAY [3]

Please comment and tell me how i can make it better.

Many college applicants think that they are all victims of the bureaucratic college process. The one that "contributes" the most to the community wins. No matter how irreverent, as long as a student has certain amount of hours, he or she becomes a strong candidate. This process turns students into robots and workplaces into sweatshops.

Unlike many others, I truly enjoy volunteering. I have volunteered over hundreds of hours as a teacher assistant at Pegasus Knowledge Circle. As a teacher assistant, I had many responsibilities. I had to grade test, homework, and many other paperwork. After grading them, I had to go over the questions the students got wrong . Because of my fluent Chinese, I often translated for the parents who do not speak English. The most challenging, yet meaningful duties of the job is making sure all the students fully interpret what they did wrong and not to make the same mistake ever again. I've learned many things from this job. I have improved my communication skill greatly. Before I've had the job, I could not even communicate with strangers at all. Now, I have became more outgoing and social.

Undergraduate / 'the dumbest of my parents' children' Common App personal Statement essay [8]

Please be harsh!

I was often singled out by my parents as the dumbest of their children. For a very long time, the only reason I wanted to achieve anything was to prove them wrong. The passion to make a reputation for myself lead me to find a job at a local market, making me the first working child in the family. I was bursting with pride and joy at the opportunity to show my family that I could hold responsibility and attain success.

"I found a job at the store on the next block and I start work this weekend!" I announced, waiting for my ovation. I described how I could perfectly balance my school work and my job while gaining the benefits of both. I explained that I would only work during the weekends, which meant I would have sufficient time to focus on my school work during the week. I would also earn my own money, so I would no longer have to ask my parents for allowance, lessening their burden. This was also an exceptional opportunity for my first step into adulthood, where I could gain experience by interacting with people and meeting their demands.

My father, sitting at the far end of the table, like an imposing obstacle, tightened his jaw. His blistering eyes glanced at me like I was an obscenity he didn't care for. The disappointment in his eyes cast away any cheer. There was no sugarcoating in his voice, just the truth from his heart.

"Your grades are a shame and disgrace compared to your brother's. You are not the rabbit in the race, you are the turtle...know your place." Instead of winning his endorsement, I only received his ban, "absolutely no." I was angry and shaken by what my father had said, but I was still determined. I decided to follow through with the job against his wishes.

Days later, I took the job and even improved my grades. Never before had I felt such a victory. Though my father's harsh words hurt my confidence in working at the market, his blunt warning compelled me to act against my slipping grades and behavior. I found his words to be a great motivator and a chance to show those who look down on me what I am really capable of; I am more than what I appear.

Undergraduate / 'found a job at a local store' - essay [8]

What can i do to make this essay better?

I am often pointed out as the least wise one of the three siblings. For the longest time, the only reason I want to do something well is to show them that they are wrong.

I found a job at a local store. This would make me the first child to be employed in this family. With both pride and joy, I enthusiastically pounded my fist on the dinner table couple time. "I have found a job at the store on the next block and I start working this weekend!", I delivered with an pride, waiting for my ovation. I elucidated how I could perfectly manage to balance between school work and the job. First of all, I would only work during weekends, which means I have sufficient time to focus on my school work throughout the week. Secondly, I would have my own money, so I don't have ask my parents for allowance, which lessen their burden. Lastly, I see this as an exceptional opportunity for my first step into the adult society, where I would gain experience by interacting with a great variety of people.

Sitting at his chair with his hands leaning on the table, he tightened his jaw. His blistering eyes glanced at me like they were beaming furious heat waves, except that they were cold and shivering. I see the demise of disappointment in his eyes. The words, somehow the truth, spewed from his mouth and heart, " Your grade is really a shame and disaster compared to the one of your brother. You are not the rabbit in the race, you are the turtle... Know your place." Instead of an expected endorsement, the final sizzle in his voice retorted me with an "absolutely no", yet with ignominy.

Days later, I took the job and maintained a decent grade. Never before had I felt victory. Honestly, sometimes I like being humiliated and underestimated by other people. I find it a way to motivate myself to try my best and most importantly, to show them what I am really capable of; I am more than what I look I am.