Please be harsh!
I was often singled out by my parents as the dumbest of their children. For a very long time, the only reason I wanted to achieve anything was to prove them wrong. The passion to make a reputation for myself lead me to find a job at a local market, making me the first working child in the family. I was bursting with pride and joy at the opportunity to show my family that I could hold responsibility and attain success.
"I found a job at the store on the next block and I start work this weekend!" I announced, waiting for my ovation. I described how I could perfectly balance my school work and my job while gaining the benefits of both. I explained that I would only work during the weekends, which meant I would have sufficient time to focus on my school work during the week. I would also earn my own money, so I would no longer have to ask my parents for allowance, lessening their burden. This was also an exceptional opportunity for my first step into adulthood, where I could gain experience by interacting with people and meeting their demands.
My father, sitting at the far end of the table, like an imposing obstacle, tightened his jaw. His blistering eyes glanced at me like I was an obscenity he didn't care for. The disappointment in his eyes cast away any cheer. There was no sugarcoating in his voice, just the truth from his heart.
"Your grades are a shame and disgrace compared to your brother's. You are not the rabbit in the race, you are the turtle...know your place." Instead of winning his endorsement, I only received his ban, "absolutely no." I was angry and shaken by what my father had said, but I was still determined. I decided to follow through with the job against his wishes.
Days later, I took the job and even improved my grades. Never before had I felt such a victory. Though my father's harsh words hurt my confidence in working at the market, his blunt warning compelled me to act against my slipping grades and behavior. I found his words to be a great motivator and a chance to show those who look down on me what I am really capable of; I am more than what I appear.
This is pretty good, but I would focus less on the job itself and concentrate more on how it affected you. I would also replace "sugarcoating" with another word, maybe sympathy, or kindness, or something of that nature.
George
I agree with Tiffany, you should show how the hob has actually affected you or how it made you grow as an individual, or it taught you to do things not to prove your parents wrong, but because you want to or are passionate about it.
For example: 'I took the job to prove a point to my parents, but it turned out to be a very rewarding opportunity and it taught me...etc'
I was often singled out by my parents as the dumbest of their children. (negative connotation)
Hope this helps!
In addition to the statements above:
I would not use such a conclusion, because it is kind of negative.
It implies that you appear to be bad, which is not something you need as an conclusion.
Just my opinion though
Check out my essay!
