Posts by monique45

monique45

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Drawn to Math Olympics' - Brown Supplement Essay? [4]

Thank you for revising HEast22! I changed it a little is it better this way?

My participation on various Math Olympics contributed to my desire of becoming an engineer. This competition has helped me develop my ability to think analytically and seek for routes that can lead me to the answer. Likewise science amazes me, because it lets us use theories to prove phenomena.

monique45

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Drawn to Math Olympics' - Brown Supplement Essay? [4]

The topic is: Why are you drawn to the area(s) of study you indicated? (My area is engineering) Limit is of 300 characters
Participating on various Math Olympics has helped me develop the ability to think analytically and solve problems easily. My increasing passion for numbers enhances my ability to set my goals and never give up until I find an answer. I want to make a difference, I want to become an engineer.

Thanks in advance!

monique45

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / "Homeless guy " Common app essay [7]

I like it a lot. Just the last part " children are read every night the fairy tale they love" you should rephrase it. The rest is fine :)

Would you mind to check my essays?

monique45

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Making a difference and becoming an engineer' - Brown Supplement [5]

REVISED!

My participation on various Math Olympics contributed to my desire of becoming an engineer. This competition has helped me develop my ability to think analytically and seek for routes that can lead me to the answer. Likewise science amazes me, because it lets us use theories to prove phenomena.

Please take a look at it!

monique45

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Communities, groups, purposes' - Brown supplement essay [3]

True Mlayton I had not thought about it, thanks for your help :)

Thank you music920 :) Oh really, good luck and hope we both get accepted :)

monique45

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'trivial personal matters' - Brown Cubism/new perspective Essay [10]

Your essay seems so real! I liked it :) But I saw one small error "I've learned it's easy to become absorbed in your own life and trivial personal matters; and it's too often that we others for granted." it should be we take others for granted. The rest is okay. Good luck :)

monique45

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / "Tasting the Detested". Common App Essay [4]

First and second paragraph do not flow. The rest I think is fine just small details you could improve. Hope it helps.

monique45

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Communities, groups, purposes' - Brown supplement essay [3]

Please revise it! I will try to return the favor.

The topic is: We all exist within communities or groups of various sizes, origins, and purposes; pick one and tell us why it is important to you, and how it has shaped you. ( limit is 1000 characters)

The director raises his arms, agitates his baton, and the glorious melody starts. Everyone follows their leader, playing their own instrument. Despite the fact each produces a different tune at different frequencies, it is the final product the one that impacts the crowd and fills the room with magnificent melody. They are a community.

A community is a conglomeration of individuals who share a common interest. In an orchestra the love for music is a common feeling for all its members.

Every member is important or the community would not work to its optimum. The musicians need as much their instruments as they need each other and their director. Without a director the music would not be harmonious; without the musicians no music at all could be played.

Being part of this community has helped me become persistent. I have been able to play songs that are challenging for me, despite their difficulty I go for them. Band has helped me to become a goal achiever.

Thanks in advance!

monique45

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Russia gave me something to work for' - CommonApp main Essay [12]

You're welcome :) I think it flows well, but you should explain why you had to constantly be moving, I think you did not. It should be formal, but by changing the abbreviations I think it will be fine. :)

monique45

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Making a difference and becoming an engineer' - Brown Supplement [5]

Thanks Tcohen and Ashatan! I will work on it :)

monique45

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / Diversity in a Community - Common App Essay - Feedback [2]

I think your essay would be better if you started with your teacher's comment and then you explain it. You repeated "I explained" three consecutive times, you should change that. The rest I see it fine :)

Hope this helps.

monique45

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Russia gave me something to work for' - CommonApp main Essay [12]

In my opinion you should not use abbreviations I think it would be more formal to write I would than I'd. Also you should put Los Angeles not LA. In the second paragraph I do not understand "travel between Russia and America", you should change that.

"Whether it is seeing the militia occasionally stop a car to demand bribes or the isolation and lack of patriotism I see in the people, it can be terrifying, and unlike my friends, I only spend summers there. " what do you mean by there? America or Russia? You should specify.

You should try reading it out loud to see if you can change something else. And in my opinion it would fit "ethical dilemma you have faced". Hope this helps :)

monique45

Dec 30, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Making a difference and becoming an engineer' - Brown Supplement [5]

Can somebody please check my Brown Supplement Essay?

The topic is: Why are you drawn to the area(s) of study you indicated? (My area is engineering) Limit is of 300 characters
Participating on various Math Olympics has helped me develop the ability to think analytically and solve problems easily. My increasing passion for numbers enhances my ability to set my goals and never give up until I find an answer. I want to make a difference, I want to become an engineer.

Thanks in advance!