Undergraduate /
'My sister and I were born in Morocco' - Letter of special circumstances for college [15]
I like your introduction because it gives me a visual of your past. I would add a comma after years in the 2nd sentece. I would break down your 3rd sentence into two separate sentences, and I would say something about how she sacrificed her whole life instead of the expense she had to pay.
I feel like your 2nd paragraph can be omitted because it kind of goes off topic. I had a feeling as if I was reading like a wikipedia on USA's education when I read it.
"I aim to become somewhat an international engineer in the future" I wouldn't use "somewhat" and what do you mean an international engineer? Someone that works overseas or someone that is famous? I would say something like "I asipre to be an engineer in the near future..."
It would be nice to add a better trasitional word between these two sentences:"As a minority applying to the College of Engineering, I aspire to join the Minority Engineering Program. Morocco is a country where various cultures meet. " When I came across these two I was like "wait? what happened to the part I was reading?" and I was a bit confused till the end when you put "I want to bring my culture, my knowledge and skills to this program."
Get rid of "Another aspect of Purdue that immediately drew me to the university is that it has been known to produce some of the most influential alumni in the field of technology. One of these alumni is Neil Armstrong. His accomplishments not only advanced the field of aerospace science and technology, but also moved the world." in the end, because you go off topic. You are asked to write how Purdue will help you achieve your goals, not brag about someone.
Other than that I would say your essay is pretty good!
Also, you don't have to change what I had to say! I'm just giving you my opinions!
anyways, goodluck!
