Undergraduate / "Why Rice?" Essay [5]

Could someone please check this for grammar, etc? Also, does it help to be more specific when writing to "Why _____?" essays so that you're not generic and simply regurgitating things from the brochure? Do you think my essay is too generic?

What motivated you to apply to Rice University? Please be specific and limit your response to 200 words.

In all honesty, a mere twelve months ago I was almost unaware of Rice University. It wasn't until a friend of mine brought up her aspirations to study in the Rice/Baylor Medical Scholars Program that I began looking into Rice as a future possibility for myself.

I was reading masses of information about many other schools but nothing had created as strong an image as the Rice's values of tradition, small class sizes and unique residential college experience. As a lifelong sports fan, I could almost immediately imagine myself playing powder puff football with other members of my residential college. As someone whose life is empty without a slight dose of humor, I began picturing myself participating in one of the many Rice pranks. I was drawn to the fact that traditions could be so light hearted and comical at such a prestigious, renowned academic institution like Rice.

Academically, throughout high school, I have often taken accelerated courses with smaller class sizes and I strongly believe that a small class provides the best possible learning environment for students primarily through close contact with the teacher and insightful class discussions. I had found the missing pieces of my college search puzzle in Rice as it was able to offer me unique experiences both inside and outside of the classroom.

Word Count: 218

Undergraduate / Additional Info - explaining extenuating circumstances [4]

There's a section on the Common App that asks you to explain/attach a document if you have/will graduate early/late, have/will change schools, etc etc.

Both of those sort of apply to me (one definitely does) so I've written a single page letter for clarification and explanation purposes. I know this isn't really an essay but it still needs proof reading, right? Plus it's good if complete strangers read it because that's who my target audience is anyway.

So here it is:

December 12, 2008

Explanation of Extenuating Circumstances Affecting Academic History

Dear Sir or Madam,

With this letter I hope to clarify and further explain my unique, extenuating circumstances which, I believe, have affected my academic record; specifically the current academic year in progress.

I have attended two different secondary schools in different continents over the past three years. My family relocated to Hong Kong in the year 2001 after I completed Grade 4 in the Gifted Program at a Toronto public school. Prior to this relocation I had skipped a grade early on in elementary school so throughout Grades 1 and 4 I was a year younger than the rest of my classmates. When I arrived in Hong Kong, my parents had attempted to enroll me in the grade above my age level but the school's administrators informed us that there were no openings in Grade 5 and they could only put me back into Grade 4. I subsequently completed the equivalents to Grades 4 through 10 at various international schools in Hong Kong that followed a British curriculum. During Grades 9 and 10 I studied a two-year I/GCSE course and completed standardized examinations in 10 different subject areas in June 2008.

My family then decided that it would be best to permanently return to Toronto that summer for various reasons; my elder sister would be a freshman at an American university in the fall thus financial issues were involved and a close relative had also recently passed away. As a result, I have had to readjust in many ways to both my school and personal life. Upon returning to Toronto, I was granted permission to enroll in Grade 12 instead of Grade 11 due to my status prior to my relocation to Hong Kong 7 years earlier. The adjustments have proven to be quite challenging for me as I have had to adjust from a British to a Canadian education system as well as from a weekly, triple term timetable to a two-semester block schedule. Academically, I have experienced the most difficulty in my Advanced Functions and Physics classes, which has shone through on my midterm report. Previously, in Hong Kong, both my math and science courses were combined - with no specific concentration. In math we covered all topics including geometry, algebra, functions and statistics and in science we studied all three of biology, chemistry and physics over the course of two years. I believe the broad based IGCSE curriculum was very beneficial in providing a good foundation of knowledge, however, the math and science courses in the Ontario curriculum are very different in the sense that they are more focused on specific topic areas. As a result of the IGCSE curriculum's broad-based nature, specific areas of study (such as functions) are not studied in as much detail as they may have been in the Grade 10 or 11 course equivalent in Ontario.

I sincerely hope I have helped create a clearer picture and possibly cleared up any possible confusion on my circumstances. I am not seeking an excuse for my poor midterm marks, but hope that you will take my circumstances into account when evaluating my application. If any future clarification is necessary, please do not hesitate to contact me via email or telephone at [email address] or [phone number].

Thank you for your understanding.

Yours truly,

Priscilla Leung

Please read it and tell me if it's clear and easy to understand. I've tried to make it sound as simple as possible (it was hard) so that I don't have admissions officers scrunching up their foreheads trying to decipher this. Also, I'm not too sure if I need the last sentence - would the admissions office really need to contact me about this?

Point out any grammatical mistakes you might see as well or any suggestions for improvements for certain areas. Is the format okay? Is the middle paragraph too long? I'm currently sitting at a little over a page (everything after the last sentence is on the 2nd page) so I either need to cut it a few sentences shorter or fix the margins...

Thanks in advance!

Undergraduate / 'Hong-Kong and Toronto' - Common App short answer - activities [11]

Here is my slightly edited version for UIUC's activities prompt. Could somebody please take a look at it and tell me what they think? Thanks!

"Choose one extracurricular activity, work experience or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it."

High school basketball is just one of the aspects of high school life that I will remember forever. For five of the seven years I lived in Hong Kong I was on my school's basketball team. As a lifelong sports fan, I immediately pounced on the opportunity early in middle school to join a sports team that I truly had a passion for. Hailing from the Great White North of Canada, I had a love for hockey but being in Hong Kong completely ruled out its existence.

When our very first practices were held, nobody even knew how to shoot a basketball properly, but we have come a long way since then. It was a long, arduous journey, but last year we finally earned the title of regional champions. Everyone exploded with emotion at the sound of the final buzzer as we noisily celebrated our victory. We realized that hard work does eventually pay its dividends; our determination and perseverance had brought us success. As a team we had no one else to thank but each other and perhaps most importantly, our coach. It was not an obligation for him to coach our team yet he had not once given up on us. No matter the score, we were to treat every game as a learning experience. Most importantly, we learned to distinguish between playing to fight and playing to win. That day, we played to win.

For my teammates, the journey would not end there, but for me it would. Two months after our victory, my family relocated back to Toronto and it was then that I reflected on the friendships and bonds I had formed with my teammates. It's amazing how, simply by playing basketball together, these friendships have transformed into relationships that will forever have their own reserved place in my heart.