Undergraduate / Commonapp_Topic of ur Choice_My School [4]

This is my personal Statement. Welcome to all comments for ideas as well as grammar errors. iam so appriciate :x.

Today, in a sultry summer day, seeing 10th grade new babe's faces beaming with happiness in their first day in school, I seem to meet myself of three years ago. Naturally, I want to write something about my high school, "Chuyen Ly". However, I find it so difficult as my heart is full of feelings but they are not easy to express. I just know in that place, I began and became what I am today.

Everyone in Vietnam knows "Chuyen Ly" but hardly anyone knows where it is and how it looks like exactly; "Chuyen Ly" always has something simple, plain, and separated from outside. Thus, I decide to introduce my "Chuyen Ly" by showing you around the school, to places where I have spent the most beautiful days of my life.

You are standing in front of the school gate from where I entered an entirely different life three years ago. Outside that magic gate, I was nothing but an undetermined, arrogant, and trivial fifteen-year-old boy. Just liked a normal Joe, all I could think about at that time was a good university with a degree of which I was able to get a high-paid job. I had lived like a machine with its remote control on my parents' hands. They told me this guy was bad; I would not play with him. They believed that thing should be achieved; I would try to do it. Losing or winning had no meaning with me. I did not even have a dream!

But "Chuyen Ly" came, and it changed my life.

Here we are, at "Room 401", group's B classroom, the room of the "losers" as we students usually call. On the desk over there, I often fell asleep in physics classes of my youngest physics teacher. No, do not think of me that bad and lazy, it was just because the lessons were really boring. So, what is group B and who are the losers anyway? My school had a first midterm classification test to divide students into two groups. Group A consisting of 30 top students would be taught more advanced physics programs by leading professors. Other students would form group B, which was taught by young teachers. Ranking in the 64th place, I fell into group B. Day by day, I had to watch group A's students passing the window and studying with famous professors whose names I had just seen on text books. Therefore, my self-esteem was greatly evoked. From an indifferent person, I became an ambitious one who was eager to prove his ability and talent. I turned my previous position into an advantageous one. Being assigned less homework than students in group A, I had more time gaining knowledge on my own. I plunged deeply into studying, craved a win over students who received a better education by defeating me last time. Three months after that, I got the third highest score in the second exam of both groups. It was a sweet victory that I almost cried when I received the award from my principal. I am now not a man who can easily surrender to adversities as I used to. I have known how exciting it is to strive for what I want. I have experienced the great feeling of wining after failing. Hence, whenever people think that I have been out of the play, they should think again.

So, let us go to the opposite side of the corridor, from "Room 401" to "Room 405", the room of the "winners". You can see on this desk a circle making from five letters, mine and four other students' initials; they are my greatest rivals. I caught their first eyes when we met at the orientation meeting. Surprisingly, the way we looked at each other was not for new friends; it was for potential opponents. In fact, we really became competitors later. Being defeated by them was my motivation and defeating them was my goal. No reprehension, no compliment could ever give me that much enthusiasm and determination. In secondary school, I was a lazy boy but my classmates were even lazier. Therefore, like my people often said, an one-eyed man would be the king of the country of the blind; I could stand on the top of my class with just little effort. That little success filled me with satisfaction and arrogance. However, since I met them, I never had a feeling of safety: despite how hard I tried, they were always right behind or even ahead me. These friends taught me an invaluable lesson that "It's a big world and there's a lot to be done". The circle you have seen is not only the symbol of a solid friendship; it also means each of us always has four people ahead to catch up with. I would still be an one-eyed king without them. They are my best friends.

Yes, you certainly can stand on that old teaching platform and take some walks to experience the feeling of being a teacher. Do you notice some funny creaky sounds? For over two years, I have been hearing these sounds. They recall me about my greatest teachers whom I always think of with highest admiration and love. Strong and fast sounds were from my young teacher who was not married yet because:" There is not enough place in my heart for both science and women". Shivering and slow sounds were from my old physics professor, who had Parkinson disease but still came to class weekly at the age of eighty. They loved science and teaching with all their hearts and souls. Growing up under the supervisions of these prominent people, I learned one thing that working was not only earning; it was about passion and enthusiasm. I had to use my heart, not my wisdom, to choose the way for my future. I do not know ever since, the thought of a well-paid job has been swept out of my head. Happily, I now have dreams, crazy ones that I would keep for myself.

"Chuyen Ly" is a very small school. We do not even have a true building; we just have some rooms on 4th floor. In these rooms, day by day, our teachers train students' fledgling brains, inspire them, and shape their dreams. Year by year, generations of students grow up behind this school gate, in the rooms of losers and winners, with an old teaching platform creaking all the time. How many students, like me, have thought of "Chuyen Ly" as a second home?

Once again, I walk around the school yard; there is a strange and cold sadness surged up in my mind. The corridor is not long but perhaps no one can reach the end of it. A wide window and a dream sky, I look for a shape in that space, behind a mottled horizon. In the 4th floor corridor, there lies that most unforgettable thing about "Chuyen Ly". It is a small line:

"From the 4th floor, we fly"

No one knows how long it has been written there.

Undergraduate / Personal Statement for Harvard, MIT and Darmouth [6]

I think it have many errors in Grammar, so it'll be nice if you can check it for me, thank you all. :D

ANd how about the idea? thanks in advance

I was an 11th grade student standing on the honor stage, receiving the Third prizes in the National Physics competition.

I became the captain of the school Physics team. Everyone put their hope on me, wishing me greater success next year.

The school Physics team had five members; we are best friends. We spent time with each other more than time with our families. From early morning till late afternoon, every day of a week, we studied together. Dealing with the deepest knowledge, studying with the most profound but tempered professors, we all shared the same aim of standing out from ordinary people. As brightest students in the school, having the same purpose, we were competitors of each other. None of us wanted to be inferior or shaded by another; thus, we all tried our best to prove ourselves. Hardly any student worked as hard as we did, at least ten hours per day. So diligent we were that the school's library soon became useless. People saw us like bookworms and an isolated group but we knew that great ones were always alone.

We loved our study, we loved our school and we loved each other. Professors were our fathers and mothers, the nice woman at the canteen who always gave us more food was our nanny. The school was our home, the lab was our room and the table was our bed. We had breakfasts and lunches, had a snap on the class's table or played soccer, together. We did crazy experiments that definitely no student had ever dared to think about, together. We are not best friends, we are brothers and sisters.

The test day was coming, one year of ardency and passion was resulted in that day. The professors, like our fathers, told us to eat healthy food, sleep soon and keep our health. We students said good luck to each other every night. Everyone was nervous although we all knew how talented we were and how assiduously we worked.

Everyone did so well on the test; we were absolutely confident of a brilliant success. I did almost perfectly; believing to get one of the highest scores, I dreamed of the International Physics Olympiads.

Three weeks later, our school had a two-day camp in a mountainous area. The first day was great, we hiked, visited historical places and played sports. I did not forget to ask my professor whether or not he had received the competition's result, the question I asked him every day for the past few weeks, and the answer was still the same. In the first night of the trip, we had a big party with dramas, music and a great camp fire. I was playing lottery games, being excited but then a bit disappointed because of missing the first prizes; one of my friends in the physics team got it. When he was receiving the presents, a girl in the physics team ran toward him and cried:

"Minh, it's a first prizes!!"

"Come on girl, everyone knows it", said the crowd.

"No, the competition, the first prizes in the national competition!", her breathy voice.

My voice trembled with anxiety:"How about me, Chuyen, how about others?"

"Minh gets the first, I get the second prizes, you three all get third prizes but only I and Minh were qualified to the international round" she said with nervous.

I was totally depressed; my dreams were flying far away. I could not stand; losing my mind, there was a deep vacancy inside me. One more year of striving, I got the highest score among those of people receiving the third prizes, what a honor! The team gathered in a dark corner of the camp, saying nothing. Everyone knew that no word was appropriate then. Minh, the one who got the first prizes, called every one he knew to confirm the result, trying to force people to say that it was wrong. He looked as if he did not get the first prizes but nothing. When the other boys who also got the third prizes looked at me, I could see something in their eyes, something told me that they felt sad for me rather than for themselves. I cried first, the girl cried second and we all cried together. Beyond, every one was singing and dancing around the camp fire, it was the most boisterous scene I ever saw...

Although I totally disagree with the result, I accepted it. I accepted the finality of the outcome. If you cannot be the best in one way, find another way. That is how I live. To tell the truth, things were not as bad as I thought. Escaped from studying pressure, I had more time doing what I loved to: teaching disadvantaged children, launching environmental projects and setting up my students association, things that I hardly had chances to do before. Every day with me now seem more meaningful, not just for my friends, not just for my family, it is for everyone who needs. And all of the sudden, I realized that the knowledge I learned can be used in many ways worth than for competing. The children in the orphanage school are waiting for me to tell them the stories of stars and planets, the young students in my high school are waiting for me to talk about global warming. Yes, I am on my way...

Undergraduate / Essay about myself.... in 3rd eyes... [4]

Thanks for every comment :)

Mr. Almost

This short story is about one of my friend. I've been with for long and so long a time that I don't remember, but I remember clearly his first failure, for it was the first time I recognized who he is, or in fact, he was.

Let's get on the time machine and come back to the summer of 2006 ...

Wow, the hot and sultry air of Hanoi in July, I now see a young boy reading a SMS on his father's cell phone. His expression comes from a balloon full of fear, hope, and expectation to a pierced one, with only disappointment left. He's got lower score on the National Secondary Final Exam than expected; it's not low, but not high either, and he fears if they can get him to his desired high school - Hanoi Amsterdam. Few days later, the floor-score is announced - 26 and his score is only 24.5. All hope is drawn out, and he then gives the news to his parents with a smile - a smile to ease his failure, but it reflects his failure rather than ease it. Where to blame this fiasco? He has tried his best, all the night he spent, all the practice tests he took, only produce the "almost admitted". He remembered those nearly accomplished tasks he did; even when playing computer games, he hardly finished it to the end, there always some other newer, more exciting games attracted him. He lacks perseverance, I perceived.

From then on, I tend to call him Mr. Almost, or Mr. Unaccomplished.

We cannot use our time machine anymore, so I can only tell you the rest of the story based on my memory.

Our protagonist felt like having got into hell when he had got into Kim Lien High School. Everyone said that it was lucky that he could still have the opportunity to study here, where most graduated would matriculate to university. But the problem is that he didn't love this long-established and honorable school, where everyone just stuck with studying for the national university-entrance exam. Hanoi-Ams is full of active student, that was where he wanted to be. Silently, he unnoticeably turned to a reticent and introvert boy. He is reserved to make new friends, just gnawed the "failure" that he had got to this school. Who had said that he wanted to be where was full of active students; now he was just a specter of the bubbly boy he had been in secondary school. The agitated mind also influenced his academic life, in this first semester of his first year in high school, he tasted the first time he couldn't get the Good Student Title. Well, it's usual that he "almost" get it, just another 0.2 mark in his Math average mark, to get 8.0. Now he knew he had to get out of this mess, but how?

Mr. Almost started playing basketball since then, for he hoped that it would refresh his mind, and turned him back to the old ebullient one. He signed up for Kim Lien Basketball team, as a newbie. He was dazzled by the skill of the seniors here, they can perform wonderful moves but one thing, but no one could dunk, for they are a little bit short. He felt a little scare that if he could integrate with the team, for he knew nearly nothing about basketball. The only bright part is that he was taller than most of his same ages, that was an advantage. Let's took dunking to be the first goal. Besides the basic technique, he also focused on increasing his vertical jump. Few months past, and all he could do is "almost" touched the rim of the basket. Well, our boy's tendency to alter started to show, and he was daunted by the thought that he could only nearly achieve his goal from now on.

No. He resolved to change, just kept practicing to achieve it. His T-Mac shoes has a big red capital BELIEVE on their soles, and he believe he can do it. Believe, is very important, for it changed your attitude toward everything. It is not "almost done" now but rather "hadn't tried enough".

Playing basket ball also brings him new friends, helped he get along better with others in high school. He befriended with other better students in his class, and they helped him much with his study. He didn't feel isolated with the surrounding anymore, and his friends were not nerdy after all; they have inspired him to visit the Birla Village together.

And ... Mr. Almost have left, leaving me behind

I finally got the Good Student Title in second semester of 10th grade and 11th grade also. I haven't been able to perform a dunk yet, but I have touched the rim of the basket easily, and everyone in the team appreciates my effort for advancing. I believe soon I'll be able to finish this move. At least I've turned back to the playful boy few years ago, without any sorrow, apprehension lingers. From the unnoticed boy in class, I've become populous for my activeness in class activity, and they recently voted me for the position of Class Vice-President.

One or two months I haven't been able to play my favorite sport, for I got an acute gastritis, but I'm sure after taking properly all the medicine, I'll be back.

But someone seems never come back, where'd you go Mr. Almost ....