Posts by angann29

angann29

Dec 13, 2008

Undergraduate / College Admissions Essay about dish that holds a strong assoicative to you. [7]

i hope this changes will help:

(...) READ ABOVE FOR THE FIRST PART

While being in such as diverse environment like New York, culture foods like Mishti allow me to feel like I still belong to this Bangladeshi culture. It is very important for me to maintain my cultural background, because while living far away from Bangladesh, the food allows me to have a constant reminder of my distant home. It serves as a bridged of New York and Bangladesh. In events such as holidays of Eid and Ramadan, Mishti is one cultural foods that allow family and friends to come together and share this food as a commemoration of the heritage we are still a part of.

angann29

Dec 13, 2008

Undergraduate / 'Hong-Kong and Toronto' - Common App short answer - activities [11]

Hi, I try to make some changes, hope them will help

Basketball is one of the ways for me to remember high school days forever. I spent most of my times in Hongkong by playing basketball. Initially, nobody even knew how to shoot a basketball properly, but we have grown since then. It was a tough journey but last year we finally earned the title of regional champions. Everyone exploded with emotion at the sound of the final buzzer. We realized that our hard work, determination and perseverance had finally paid off.

angann29

Dec 12, 2008

Scholarship / I hope I could help the poor in Indonesia - Singapore Scholarship [4]

In a separate attachment, write (to be typed written) a short essay on a subject of personal importance to you (300-500 words). You may choose any topic. Examples include: an event which has influenced you; why you want to choose an Engineering career; or a family member/friend/person who had a significant influence on you.

I was born to an Indonesian family in Bandung on July 29th, 1991. I am the first son and have one little brother. My father had always brought us up with the concept that 'You cannot succeed in life without making an effort'. Every other week our family has dinner together so that we may have a close relationship and better communication with each other. Throughout my life I have able to understand and realize the compassionate love that my parents have for my brother and me. My parents are my motivation to be hard-working, determined and versatile student who is ready for university.

I have always grown up believing that it is the environment that creates a person's characteristics. Environment can also mean the people, who you face every day. These people, in most cases, are role models that shape the way we think and make decisions. I always think that my parents are huge contributor to my environment and play a very great role in raising me to be the person I am today. They are positive role models to me and they force me to think responsibly in order to be a better student and person. They taught me that I could achieve anything with a good education, a clear goal and an unfaltering determination.

As I grew up, I watched my father work very hard in order to make both ends meets. My mother always supports my father and be also ready to overcome the family problems. They always tell me to prioritize what is important. They always tell me to do my schoolwork and chores before anything else. I wish I could say that I followed them obediently every time, but sometimes I would rebel and laze around. But as high school started, I began to prioritize what is important until it became a natural process. Their words of advice will stay with me through my whole life.

My parents faced adversity growing up in Indonesia, their native-born country. My father was raised along with his four brothers. He struggled getting an adequate education due to tuition fees his family struggled to pay for. He began working at the age of 15 for his education. My parents want me to receive an education better than what they had. On the other hand, I want to help my parents to fulfill their dreams. Besides fulfilling their dreams, I hope I could help the poor in Indonesia. I will make sure of this by making a machine which would increase their crop, as the most Indonesian are farmer. When I have the better education, I wish I were able to help my parents and my country.

angann29

Dec 12, 2008

Undergraduate / "I'm from Dubai" - U of Wisconsin essay [7]

It's a good essay, I think..
However, I agree with paircorner, that you'd better showing your character at the beginning of the essay.

angann29

Dec 12, 2008

Undergraduate / "Riding bicycle", experience and achivement essay feedback and correction. [2]

I want to make some changes to your 3rd & 5th paragraph, hope it can help you

On the road of life, many challenges are ahead and they are unpredictable. Facing them is like standing in front of a three-way crossroad. I have only one choice, trying to overcome it with toughness or comfortably giving up. The first choice is risky; I may earn goals or fall in the darkness of failures. I clearly know that, who do not try to overcome the challenges will never be able to do so. Failures are bitter, they take people down and crush people's will. On the other hand , challenges and failures are like teachers. Facing them brings experiences and vision of our problem. Although the damage cause by them is heavy, some failure-takers seeing the true value will pick themselves up, make other efforts and may gain goals. If they fall again, they will get up again. I do not fear those challenges or any failures because I still have a chance if I fail or at least I learn something. Who in this world want to earn success? Everyone. But who is brave enough to face the challenges? Not all the people.

My trip, in some people's views, was just a ridiculous action of some teenagers. They do not know what I have faced, how hard I have tried and what I have learned. It steeled my will. Before the trip, I feared making mistake because I did not want anybody laugh at me, so I never try to face or overcome any challenges. In my eye, challenge used to be something which was so great to overcome. As a result, now, I do not fear them. Anytime, I fail, I just simply get up and try again, and it does not matter if people laugh at me or try to mock at my mistakes. I can see that there are many challenges ahead and I welcome them.