Undergraduate / 'Route 151' is an important part of me - University of Chicago essay [5]

For this essay I chose the following prompt:

Chicago author Nelson Algren said, "A writer does well if in his whole life he can tell the story of one street." Chicagoans, but not just Chicagoans, have always found something instructive, and pleasing, and profound in the stories of their block, of Main Street, of Highway 61, of a farm lane, of the Celestial Highway. Tell us the story of a street, path, road - real or imagined or metaphorical.

Constructive criticism is appreciated. Thanks!

I turn my head towards the backseat window of our blue minivan. Outside, bitterly cold gusts send snow in all directions around us, swirling about the Wisconsin countryside. I stare, entranced, as wisps of the white powder flow across the highway, leaving strange shapes behind. Though the weather may be freezing and unruly, I feel warm and peaceful in the backseat of the family car. On either side of me one of my younger sisters sleep with rosy cheeks. We are traveling slowly, caution overruling impatience to meet with relatives for the holiday. Secretly, however, I am happy to have more time to take in the swirling landscape around Route 151.

Route 151 (otherwise known as "the way to Grandma's house" in my mind) is an important part of me and holds a special place in my memories. It connects two places that I have called home, Madison, Wisconsin and Dubuque, Iowa and no matter which direction I travel on it, I am heading towards family. When I think of Route 151, my mind is flooded with nostalgia of past meetings and departures with friends and loved ones. This road has carried my thoughts and dreams from place to place, connecting my story with its own.

The route itself has been a source of wonderment for me since I was small. As a child, I was amazed at how the road literally went through hills rather than over or around them. The blues, grays and yellows of the exposed rock layers sparked my imagination; it was easy to pretend that there were dinosaur bones, diamonds or other mysterious treasures trapped within the rock. In the largest hills, it could seem almost as though you were in some canyon or subterranean path. Today I still admire the tremendous work that must have gone into moving the many tons of rock in order to build the route.

For me, the most wonderful thing about Route 151 is the Dubuque-Wisconsin Bridge. The pale green bridge spans the Mississippi, connecting two states. Two great arcs rise above the bridge, connected by large metal bars that create triangular windows onto the majestic river below. While the bridge itself may not be the most awe-inspiring structure ever built, it is, for my siblings and me, a symbol of transition. The bridge not only spans the Mississippi, but also my emotions and memories of two places I call home.

What draws me to Route 151 is that its story is also part of my story. I perceive this road, which others may think mundane, as something almost magical and hyperphysical since it not only connects one place to another, but links together many of my thoughts, emotions and experiences.

Undergraduate / 'Directions for my future' - MIT supplement essay [3]

This my essay for MIT the topic was:

Describe the world you come from, for example your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?

Constructive criticism appreciated. Thanks!

The world I come from has offered me many diverse opportunities to explore and pursue my interests. From playing Shostakovich's ninth symphony with a full size orchestra to doing research on mosquitoes, I have always been able to find inspiring activities to take part in.

My school has been one of the most important influences on my interests and aspirations. There I have always been able to find encouragement and guidance in teachers and peers. It was at school where I began to have a true desire to pursue science. I can still remember going to the first day of freshman biology and staring at a question on the blackboard. "What is Science?" As the course progressed and the initial question became answered, I became inspired by the sheer power and usefulness of the scientific method. Through teachers at school I was introduced to the Science Research Internship Program and was fortunate enough to experience the joy and frustration of true scientific research while I worked under Dr. Susan Paskewitz in the department of entomology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. This experience above all others has persuaded me to seek an education in science.

The clubs and activities I have taken part in during high school have also had a profound impact on my goals. Science Olympiad, especially, has shaped my interests. When I joined Science Olympiad, I suddenly had a huge variety of scientific areas I could sample and learn about which were not available in regular classes and which I may not have previously considered studying. The result is that I now have a much broader sense of the types of field I may be interested in studying in the future such as entomology or cell biology.

Another large part of my world is music and the Wisconsin Youth Symphony Orchestra (WYSO). Music has been a part of my life since I began to play the viola when I was ten years old, but it is because of playing in WYSO that music truly became a major part of who I am. Never before had I played in a full symphony orchestra or any large group so being in WYSO introduced me to a whole other dimension of playing music I had never experienced before. WYSO also strengthened my musical interests was by giving me a scholarship that made taking private music lessons possible for me. This invaluable gift is one of the main reasons that I have been able to progress my musical education as far as I have. While I do not plan on a music related career, I know that music will continue to be apart of my life into the future.

My family, of course, is a huge part of my world. My parents, especially, have had a major part in defining who I am. Since I was little, they have encouraged me to follow my interests and have provided me with much valued support and guidance. My parents have also helped to shape my attitude, expecting me to always do my very best, whether I am preparing for final exams or taking out the trash. From waking up early to drive me to my university class to giving me advice on what to wear for a concert, my parents have laid down the foundations of my life, allowing me to discover my true self and interests.

I have been lucky to be in a world where I have been able to find support at school, home and elsewhere and opportunities to figure out what directions I want to take for my future. I can now emerge from this familiar world, dreams in hand, ready to forge ahead.

Undergraduate / Common App essay - Orchestra experience [6]

Hey guys!

This my common app essay for option #1
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you

I would appreciate any constructive criticism. Thanks!

One of the most powerful experiences I have had is playing the viola in the Wisconsin Youth Symphony Orchestra (WYSO). Each WYSO rehearsal was like a relaxing respite from ordinary life, though more important was what it taught me. For me, being part of the orchestra revealed a type of intimate teamwork I had not previously discovered, my true interest in music and a place where the reward for hard work was the release of emotion in the form of musical beauty.

When I joined WYSO, my idea of teamwork changed dramatically. For an orchestra to function, every musician must act as part of one entity. Every breath is collaboration and every note is an infinitesimal piece of a grand portrait. A hundred bows moving in synchronized rhythm is amazing to watch and even more amazing to be a part of. In addition, the feeling that you are so connected to everyone around you by such beautiful music is uplifting and inspirational. I still remember my first year in WYSO as the music for our first concert was slowly being honed to perfection. Every time we rehearsed the pieces, the orchestra became a little more united until the day of the concert when we finally moved as one. It was that experience which first opened my eyes to the true power of teamwork and I knew then that I would continue to play in WYSO.

Music has been a part of my life since I began to play the viola when I was ten years old, but it is because of playing in WYSO that music truly became a major part of who I am. Never before had I played in a full symphony orchestra or any large group so being in WYSO introduced me to a whole other dimension of playing music I had never experienced before. The rich sound and feel of the orchestra was something I was instantly addicted to and soon enough, going to Saturday morning rehearsals became the highlight of my week. Another way WYSO strengthened my musical interests was by giving me a scholarship that made taking private music lessons possible for me. This invaluable gift is one of the main reasons that I have been able to progress my musical education as far as I have. It was all of this that took me from a point where music was a small hobby to the devoted listener and musician I am now.

Today it is hard for me to imagine where I would be today if I had never been a part of WYSO. Over the years, WYSO has connected me to many new friends, mentors and opportunities to express myself through musical art. The enriching effect of WYSO on my life is immeasurable and it has shaped my overall perspective. The experience I have had in WYSO not only redefined my idea of teamwork and love of music, but also who I am.

Undergraduate / Essay for princeton, "The profound thinker" - I'd like your opinion! [3]

I chose the following essay option:

Option 4 - Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a jumping off point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation at the beginning of your essay.

Could someone especially look at the grammatical correctness of the dialogue. I not really familiar with it. Also, does anyone think that the last sentence is inappropriate?

Thanks!!!

"The profound thinker always suspects that he is superficial."
Benjamin Disraeli ( 1804-1881) Contarini Fleming

The first thing I noticed when I got out of the blue minivan was the heat. It's really easy to forget about July after sitting in a car with the A/C jacked up to the max. I turned back to my dad and waved goodbye. He nodded and pulled the car out of the McDonald's parking lot. As he left, I glanced at my velcro wristwatch. Five minutes early I thought as I stood under the gleaming double arches. I was hesitant about entering the bustling restaurant and for a minute I loitered until I realized how sweaty I was getting underneath my dress shirt and khakis. Finally, I pushed open the door and entered. It was much cooler inside, but it was also busy with the lunch rush. People were entering and leaving at an alarming rate and carefree children laughed wildly as they ran around the play area. The line for the register was longer than I had expected so I hurried to get a spot. When I finally got to the register, I was greeted by a girl around my age.

"Hi, can I help you?" she asked with a genuine smile.

"Yeah, I'm here for an interview." I replied clumsily.

"Oh! Alright, please wait over there and someone will be with you shortly." she said, pointing at a corner of the restaurant where one of the only unoccupied tables was.

I hurried to the table, sat down and began to wait. I suddenly regretted my choice of seating. From where I was positioned, I could see almost the entire restaurant, but at the same time the entire restaurant could see me and that's how I felt as I searched for something to stare at to avoid awkwardly making eye contact with a stranger. Nervousness began to bubble in my mind as the first couple minutes passed. I began to check and recheck my head, searching for stray tufts of hair. I realized with horror that I had forgotten to shave two weeks worth of facial hair even though I had promised myself I would for the interview.

Ten minutes later, the crowds that had been swarming the counter began to thin and one of the employees approached my table. I stood up quickly, introduced myself and shook her hand. She sat down across from me and began to ask me questions about my interests, goals, the reasons I wanted a job. As I explained to her my desire to study biology and chemistry, my love for playing the viola, and my search for job experience, she listened with sincere curiosity. My nerves began to calm, my heart rate returned to normal and I began to feel comfortable with myself, no longer worrying about whether people were staring or judging me from the outside. I left the interview that day knowing that people were much more concerned about my personality and character over small details of personal appearance. Though that's not to say I didn't shave as soon as I got home!