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Posts by joshua
Joined: Dec 19, 2008
Last Post: Dec 24, 2008
Threads: 3
Posts: 10  


Displayed posts: 13
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joshua   
Dec 23, 2008
Undergraduate / 'DNA and my future biological studies' - Cornell Arts and Science Supplement. [6]

Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution and what makes them exciting to you. Explain how the College of Arts and Science will help you to further explore your interests.

Hi, I am not happy with this essay; help me to answer the question in full and to deal with grammatical problems involved. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

From observing my blind lamp roaming around pastures and watching my albino neighbor lying feeble in the shade, I discovered one thing common to both individuals: their lives were unpalatable. They wandered through their short lives with sorrow and they left the world without making a mark. Their soon departure puzzled and traumatized me but most importantly, it built curiosity in me. At that tender age asked myself the "Whys," "Whos," and "Hows" which my teacher, upon presenting them unto him, answered by one word, "Genes." Genes? That was yet another painstaking term but I did not despair. A few years later, I found myself in a biology class from which the much awaited answers started to unfold steadily.

Those days at junior secondary school laid a foundation for my future biological studies but until this day I am not fully answered. I have learnt many things, from the simplicity of an atom to the complexity of DNA but I still have pending questions. I have come to understand lethal genes and defective ones but my passion to save life is still unreachable. I will not be adamant to concede that much have been uncovered but I will certainly look at the present challenges, such as AIDS and the other myriad of genetic disorders and diseases, and conclude that all the investment is still inadequate. Bearing this in mind, I turned my mind to Cornell's College of Arts and Science where research opportunities are available and where resources are provided to whoever wants to get quality instruction on any subject.

As an international student, an African, I will definitely carry the concerns of all the troubled souls at my backyard and use every opportunity which I will be offered to answer their curiosity too. I do not doubt that I will command triumphs against all the maladies at home with the aid of the Ivy League faculty of Cornell. The devoted professionals like Professor Scott Emr stir my heart with agitation; how I hunger to rub shoulders with such world renowned icons. I will enjoy the advantage of experience and professionalism of my mentors as that will make learning more informative yet challenging and interesting. I look forward to involve myself in solving riddles surrounding AIDS, HIV and Molecular Biology and Genetics, a discipline that has profound roots at Cornell and I know I will never graduate from Cornell to regret.

Cornell's diversified student board will allow me to access knowledge from anywhere around the globe. Since I not much informed on the effects of my issues of concern to other people from other nations, interaction with such people will enlighten my understanding. Cornell's faculty of Arts and Science offers me such a platform, and that will help not only to focus on a single nation but to take a holistic approach in dissecting genetics and molecular biology. The voluminous libraries, modern laboratories and appealing environment all coalesce together a savory education menu which I certainly will enjoy.
joshua   
Dec 22, 2008
Undergraduate / Common app essay + short answer (The journey to authentic leaderships) [7]

Hi Lina,

music show 2 years ago. 2...two more accepted in formal writing

there is a part inside me that is eager to make my idea come true

Because of time pressure and great amount of work, people quarreled with each others....we quarrel with each other not others

Everything seemed well-prepared in .. (on) the show day except the absence of Lan - the lead singer because (she fell off the bicycle when she went to school.)

..I think you rather use the past participle...she had fallen off her bicycle on her way to school

did you astablish geme shows or did you organize them?

(At the moment when I am writing this essay,) .... As I am writing (the shoter the better) everything seems as if it happened just a few days ago. I still can see the happy faces of my classmates and hear the loud applause

The members' happiness and ..(thier) faith in me are (were.past tense) valuable gifts to me.

I participate in many extracurricular activities, but the one I enjoy the most is volunteering for 3R-HN project...change to past tense

Hmm. i think its rather too long!
You have a brilliant idea but i think you must be more specific and you better command your language better.
Check on your tenses, there is too much shift of tenses and times juss work on that!
I am glad you are applying to Lafayette, I applied in early decision but I got disappointed.

Good Luck!!!!! Josh
joshua   
Dec 21, 2008
Undergraduate / Common Application: my native homeland of Zimbabwe. Correct any mistakes. [6]

Hi,

Thank you very much Kevin, from the bottom of my heart, I really thank you. I will include all the corrections and the truth is that this is a true story, its my real life experience and as you mentioned I really look forward to be accepted and leave South Africa. Things are bad for me here, and they are even worse in my country, Zimbabwe.

Sincerely,

Joshua
joshua   
Dec 21, 2008
Book Reports / "the pearl" by john steinbeck and i need help starting a thesis statement [5]

Dear Jeremy,

I have never read the novel but please is it novella, check your first statement. I think your thesis is rather diffuse and you need to put it together. Mention once the conflicts and move on to elaborate one by one in different paragraphs. Make sure you do not say too much as you need to raise very objective points only! You have to check much of your grammar, i have listed just a few of very common errors below. Jeremy this is not to disappoint your but to encourage you, try to sift your ideas an come out with something more colourful.

When things go from bad to worst,... bad to worse

man vs man as well man vs nature and even man vs himself vs....versus is more accepted formally

because of the problems that him.... (he) and his family have to go through

Kino's home Kino is cautions and cautions...cautious

then the pearl is worth
joshua   
Dec 21, 2008
Undergraduate / Common App Essay (Anti-Americanism) [5]

Hi,

I love your objectivity, you are a star. i would not agree that you should change your thesis to a completely different subject but you may clarify some few things....

I think it may be necessary to mention that you are Finnish in the intro, I only picked it up when I became so curious at the last paragraph.

Basically, animosity has a root, may your mention where this crude intolerance towards America by you countrymen sterm from.

As for grammar, I believe you have had a good course on that but just check this....

didn't... did not is more accepted in formal writing

During the two and a half years I've spent there, my high school has served as a playground for those who foster the Anti-American sentiment... where exactly? America or Finland. Just clarify

Thanks for your call on unity and respect to all mankind of all nations. I really enjoyed your essay.

Regards

Josh
joshua   
Dec 21, 2008
Undergraduate / CALS (committed to the improvement of life) - review and advice [7]

Hi,

Thanks guys, I appreciate your concern and I believe that i will make it. What an incredible contribution you have made.

Thanks again for advising, may you continue to diligently help the needy, as you did to me.

Sincerely,

Joshua
joshua   
Dec 20, 2008
Undergraduate / "walking around with a meaningless life" - Common App - Brown [4]

Hi, you are a great writer, just check the following

I never realized what books can do to "ones" mind until I read this novel, ---one's

I felt the book was narrating my own feelings-------- I felt that the book was narrating my own feelings

Then, once I do succeed in accomplishing my goal, I would turn back to the novel, Tuesday with Morrie, and say "Thank you."-----Then, after succesfully accomplishing my goal, I will turn back to the novel Tuesday with Morrie and say,"Thank you."

What a good purpose of life, I appreciate your concern for your neighbor.

Regards

Josh
joshua   
Dec 20, 2008
Undergraduate / Common Application: my native homeland of Zimbabwe. Correct any mistakes. [6]

1. Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Though I have lived through deplorable times in my native homeland of Zimbabwe, surviving tribal rifts between the Shonas and the Ndebeles and the much horrific genocide of 1989, the gravity of the xenophobic attacks I experienced and suffered here in South Africa, the land of my exile, in 2008 rate as the most significant and traumatic experience of my adult life. The healing process has started, but frankly, I must concede, not only do we, the victims, need healing, but also all of South Africa needs therapy. In addition to that, the entire African continent needs a thorough introspection to diagnose and cure the malignant malady gnawing at its intestines: relying on external aid to solve unwarranted internal disputes.

No one really knows who lit the fire but I witnessed it consuming my fellow victims at a frenzied rate. People were burnt to death, houses and businesses owned by refugees were looted in broad day light. Johannesburg, the business hive of South Africa became holocaust. Innocent children, reputable men and women, not to mention venerable grey headed folks, were brutalized publicly. I saw my life at stake, really never been endangered as then. Probably more agony was arising from loneliness and nostalgia; with neither my mother nor brother to wipe my tears as usual, my mind was in turmoil. I felt hopelessly vulnerable, like a chicken breast at the butcher man's table. I wandered through the days with a faint soul but only benevolence propelled me further. Hell was loosed upon the land and the African version of "the land of milk and honey" had turned into Sodom and Gomorrah.

The media alerted the world, flooded the news with horrible pictures, one of which depicted a scenario I escaped from by mere inches, when two men from Congo were burnt to death, but all fell on deaf ears. The world was more interested in the price of crude and how America will deal with its mortgage problems. Africans are just fond of killing each other; I believe that is what the world thought. Few ineffective threats were made, but it was business as usual as hundreds of refugees were murdered like flies and millions others displaced. I asked myself, "Who exactly am I?" I came to South Africa to seek refuge from the tyranny of Zimbabwean government and the claws of poverty; I had to further seek refuge from my hosts, regarded by the civilized world as the most hospitable on the African continent. The earth just had to swallow me.

Still mystified by the smell of death, I wondered not only why all that was happening, but also who will emancipate me from that detestable scourge. Ultimately, I fully convinced myself that if it is not me, no one will ever do. Everyone has heard my cries; the world was fully aware of the crisis. Everyone had given me a cold shoulder so I was the solution. I saw answer not in retaliation, revenge or more bloodshed. I knew the most brutal feud in Africa, crying out for external help, commonly, for alleviation of poverty. The attacks posed a new challenge, different from the former but however, it opened my eyes even wider and loaded my heart with a passionate dream: to see a united and civilized Africa, with educationally empowered men who can lead the nations with wisdom and zeal to solve issues as a family. Men of Africa should arise, be independent and be courageous to subordinate tribes to love. Certainly I want to be one among the pioneers.
joshua   
Dec 20, 2008
Undergraduate / I finally became the "American" - Michigan-Describe a setback Essay [3]

I am happy with you. Its great to hear a second language speaker expressing himself/herself so fluently. I am an African, second language speaker too. Check the following my colleague,

Please if you may give more insight on what you are going in the event that you encounter a smillar challenge in the future.
If you can also give some advice to guys in the smillar situation, that may be great!!!

Because of that, I diverted my interests to sports...

On holidays, like the New Year's Day....

Wish you all the best!!!
joshua   
Dec 20, 2008
Undergraduate / Unique jointly awarded Economics Degree ;Why Carnegie Mellon? [4]

Its a good reflection of the bright fiture you have. You said everything explicitly however i may advise that you check the following:

It is my hope that my heart will not "would" guide me...

Interconnectedness whal, its good but you have just repeated it unnecessarily.

Thanks, Good lucky!!!!!
joshua   
Dec 19, 2008
Undergraduate / CALS (committed to the improvement of life) - review and advice [7]

The College of Agriculture and Life Sciences (CALS) develop leaders committed to the improvement of life. Describe how your interest and related experiences have influenced your selection of major and how CALS will help you to be a leader in your chosen field.

The sharp contrast between the remote, uncivilized village that I grew up in and the flamboyant, resourceful College of Agriculture and Life Sciences to me, is analogous to that between hell and paradise. Walking past the gates into the faculty is like boarding at train to the land of infinite possibilities of joy. Studying in the faculty is similar to exploring the hidden treasures divinely laid in the forest of science to bring them home to ornate the lives of all species and to redeem the human race from the fetters of disease and discontent.

The African village is a place of horrors and catastrophes in as much as preventable mortality due to genetic disorders is concerned. Unlike the affluent world in which excess is a challenge, the humble African dies out of lack. I have witnessed promising young man and ladies prematurely dying of diabetes, albinism and phenylketonuria. All these conditions seem benign to the developed world but they yield a good harvest at my backyard. I have since realized how much they are venerated by the common African; they are honored by sacred names of gods. To me, the great challenge ahead is to enter the forest of science and dig for the treasured solution to the diseases which will neither violate the norms of the society nor instill fear in anyone but will redress the pestilence.

I believe that need is the mother of invention. The world is in need of better drugs, better medical facilities and even better quality of human beings. To address all these problems, thorough research should be implemented and resources should be availed to support the keen hearts. Mine is an optimistic heart which will find solace in the vast resources of the CALS and which will use the opportunity to satisfy the community's hunger. I yearn to be coached by talented professionals who can attend to my needs and address them with expertise. I see myself molded by the professors of the faculty and equipped with the necessary amour to fight any obstacles along the long journey to scientific discovery and to win triumphs for lives just as our predecessors, like Watson and Crick, did on DNA.

My interest lies in understanding how the subtle signals carried on complicated protein chains in DNA instruct the coordination of the entire body through the nervous system and designing corrective measures for defected ones to normalize life. I desire to address the fatal HIV and AIDS calamity through further developments on mechanics of nucleic acids. This idea was pioneered by anti -retro viral drugs (ARV) which reduce effects but I believe cure is possible, it only needs discovery. I appreciate the immense dedication of the pioneers in the field but am still convinced that they left much for us decipher. The CALS is a place to develop me intellectually and to prepare me for the fierce challenge of practical science; it is the place where I belong.
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