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Posts by bee_linhtinh
Name: Linh
Joined: May 14, 2012
Last Post: May 6, 2020
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
Likes: 1
From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 5
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bee_linhtinh   
May 6, 2020
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2: A cap on citizens' salary or not? [3]

enormous salaries of individuals



In some countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is true that in several nations there is a minority of people who can achieve a far greater size of salary. While some people argue that this can bring about numerous benefits to a country, others think that a restriction should be imposed on the salary level by the governments.

On the one hand, it can be argued that the situation in which a few can earn extremely high salaries can benefit a country. Since the high pay is associated with sustained efforts and perseverance, which promotes the idea that only by working hard can you attain what you want in life. This, therefore, drives all people within a country to push themselves hard , creates values and make their greatest contributions to their countries. For example, people in America all know a term called " American Dream" and they all exercise a high working spirit to reach their own dreams. This , as a result, shapes the dynamic working attitudes among American and it is their collective efforts that contribute to the leading economic status of the U.S in the world.

On the other hand, governments should control the size of salary to some degree for some good reasons. Although the policy of applying performance-related salary seems to be reasonable, it might lead to wealth inequality in a long run. In some developed countries, the government still continues to face high poverty rates and this is because governments' budget has already been allocated to the small segment of population. Therefore, by putting a cap on people's salaries, they can create more job opportunies for ignored citizens and thus, combat rising unemployment rates. By doing this, government can ensure a healthier and more sustainable economy growth and the well-being of all citizens.

In conlusion, even though the outlook of giving advantages to a few in society appears promising, I believe that governments should impose a limit on salaries for more sustainable developments.

(Linh, 322 words)

P.S. I would really appreciate your comments on my essay. Thanks a lot in advance.
bee_linhtinh   
May 6, 2020
Writing Feedback / Topic: Some people suggest that there should be restrictions on a detailed description of crimes [3]

Strong points:
This is a well- structured essay and most of the content is valid and reasonable.

Weak points:
There are several mistakes that are notable to me.

1. ' a controversy' refers to a particular argument but I guess you want to mention the controversy itself, so you should change it to a uncountable noun form.

2. ' right ' --> right is a countable noun so you should make it countable --> add 'a' or 'the'
3. 'polices' --> police is already in a plural form and always go with 'the' --> should make it ' the police'
4. 'the details of offence should not be entirely public' --> ' should not be entirely made public'
5. there is certain overlap between the second point of paragraph 2 and first point of paragraph 1 --> I guess there is a need to rewrite
bee_linhtinh   
May 6, 2020
Writing Feedback / It is hard to imagine how people live without friends [3]

At the first impression, your essay is an argumentative one and it is trying to prove the thesis that we cannot live without a friend.

In terms of structure, you seem to have got a proper one except for the fact that it is written in only one paragraph. As far as I know the body normally is split into two or three paragrahs because it gives an impression of well-suppored essays. You have already 3 points and personally, I think it would it better to break the body into 3 saperate paragraphs presenting these 3 key ideas.

In terms of grammar, basically you can use very complex grammatical structures, which proves that you have a quite a good command of English grammatical knowledge. However, there are still few mistakes that are notable to me.

we can't choose the family we are born into.
"a true friendship " --> no article because friendship is uncountable noun.
"This is why ... trust on them" --> need to remove " them" at the end of the sentence.

what matters in friendship is ... respect to each other.
As for lexical resources, you use a wide range of topical vocabulary items. But I think there should be a further consideration of word choice

"Moreover, you may not notice that ..." --> Morover, friendly competition between friends can help a person to boost confidence while both parties are working to push one another toward a similar goal.

"deprivation from friends" --> wrong use of deprivation --> lack of company

All in all, this is still a good essay with a good use of grammar and vocabulary. I also learn from reading your essay.
Regards,
bee_linhtinh   
Mar 26, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2: Public funds on the arts? Is the government wasting money? [5]

@bachache: I appreciate your idea about another upside of investment in art. As for the structures and language used in my writing, I think I would try to make it more varied and concise.Thanks for taking time to read and comment on my work.

@ phong3baotap: You enlighten me with my misuse of the phrase "life conditions" and " living conditions". Thanks a lot!
@ Holt: Thank you so much for reading my essay and giving advice on how to present my stance properly. I agree that a single opinion essay would help to increase the level of coherence and cohesion of the essay. I would take time to work on that. I highly appreciate your help!
bee_linhtinh   
Mar 25, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2: Public funds on the arts? Is the government wasting money? [5]

money on the arts



Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extend do you agree with this view?

The importance of art is usually belittled in regards to its contribution to the growth of countries across the world. While I agree that in some countries where citizens face poverty or adversity in healthcare and education, the money should be reserved for these services, the countries with secured economic situation should, however, invest in the art projects and gain benefits from the policy.

It is more practical for less developed countries to invest in the servies that are most needed. Not all countries in the world can provide their citizens with enough basic necessities in life. Some of which are even suffering from wars and severe life conditions. Therefore, the governments should adopt a more pragmatic resource allocation scheme by giving out food, shelter and education opportunities to their people. By doing this, they can make sure their citizens at least survive and live somehow comfortable lives before they can reach other bigger goals in life. If the government overlook their real difficult situations and keep investing in art, this would leave the burden on the citizens' shoulders rather than help them.

However, some countries with more developed economy which can secure life of all their citizens should consider allocating its budget in arts. Arts in general can promote physical and mental well-beings of individuals and this can only be achieved after physiological needs are fulfilled, which means people are not starved and fully sheltered . A good piece of music or a vivid painting can usually uplift people's moods and tend to boost workers's productivity and serves as a means to unwind better than any other alternatives. Therefore, the money granted to art projects, would no doubt do wonders on citizens' overall well-being, which in turn benefits the society as a whole.

In conclusion, it depends on the stability and security of wealth in each nation that they should make investment in arts a priority.
(Linh, 317 words)

P.S I would highly appreciate comments on my writing. It seems like my second paragraph has not been well developed. Any suggestions on how to improve it will be sincerely welcomed.
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